Too many choices

I'll never be accused of being too decisive. Our house has come along way since I took this picture, but I still haven't decided on all the paint colors I want to use. Any thoughts?

Silly boys

Sometimes they are just fun to watch.

Lunchbox Selection, Take II

These days Logan is very aware himself and what belongs to him. He doesn't spend to much time shouting "Mine!" but instead loves to show you his things or make sure he is included in a statement. If we say we are going for a walk, he will point to his chest and say "And me?" When someone comes in the house he goes running off shouting "my woom!" (my room!) The visitor will then need to quickly go see his room before he goes running the other way yelling "my buvva woom!!" where he will show off Hayden's room as well. He proudly points these things out as if he designed them himself. One thing the boys have tussled over (among many things) are their lunchboxes. Or, rather, the two lunchboxes Hayden has that Logan gets to use as well. I decided it was time for Logan to pick one for himself.

Unlike last time, having Logan select his lunchbox seemed like a non-event. I didn't get misty. I didn't put it off for some silly emotional reasons. We just hadn't gotten to it yet. But now he is in the Two's class. Even by Hayden's discriminating standards this makes Logan a Big Boy, not a Baby. So, it was time. I used the same method I did for Hayden, presenting two lunchboxes so Logan could eliminate one at a time. Like his brother he was very decisive and consistent about what he liked. Hayden had to be reminded not to influence Logan and just let him decide for himself. That sorta worked...not! The last lunchbox I grabbed was a Thomas the Train. No surprise there that as my little engineer saw that his entire face lit up and he started yelling "My shoo shoo dane!!!" Well, that was it. A very excited Logan got to take home the perfect lunchbox, HIS lunchbox. He now carries that lunchbox everywhere he can, delighted to have his very own choo choo train. It's these little things that I find so rewarding.

I've Been Around the Block a Few Times

Being that my latest goal is to find a balance between the Rat Race and enjoying life, I have been trying to take the kids for a walk each evening and on weekend mornings. It's a chance to burn off some of that extra energy, and they love getting out and running around. I do too. We started out taking their ride-on cars, but that didn't work out so well. Hayden would zoom way ahead, and Logan would quickly tire of it, so I would have to carry his home. One morning we even made it over to the lake (yes, here in the middle of Los Angeles) where the boys chased an entire flock of ducks into the water. Good fun. We will be spending lots of time there.

They are friendly souls, so our evening walks around the block have also facilitated meeting many of the neighbors I would otherwise just give a vague friendly nod to as we go around the block. My kids literally stop cold when they see someone (actually there are a hundred reasons they stop, making a walk around a small block a very long journey indeed. ie: A garage opens. A garage closes. A dog barks. A neighbor opens his door. There are flowers.) Once the targeted neighbor notices the two staring boys they generally stop whatever fascinating activity they were doing and say hello. I stand by like the not-so-bright cousin that the boys were kind enough to include in their day. They will then pepper the neighbor with burning questions and tidbits such as: How do you open your garage? Do you use a button? Does it open in one piece? My garage is closed. Is that your car? It looks like my Grandpa's car. Is that your dog? I have two cats. Does your car go in your garage? Why?

I say "they" ask questions, but really Hayden fires them off while Logan stands by supportively in the interrogation, with a few words echoed in agreement- Bappa cah (Grandpa car), my Booboo dat (Voodoo the cat). Sometimes, they get a few obliging answers, then less elaboration until the neighbor looks at me in panic as if to say I should call off the hounds. At this point I step in and introduce myself and the fact that we just moved in. Sometimes (well, once) the older neighbor offers the boys a cookie, disappears inside for a minute, then comes back and hands them each an entire sleeve of Saltine crackers. They dutifully thanked him, ate as many crackers as they could before they ran out of saliva, then happily handed the packages to me for the remainder of the walk. Gee, thanks. (**disclaimer: Yes, I let my kids eat crackers given to them by a complete stranger. I just figure, since he didn't know we were coming around, I'm guessing he didn't have pre-poisened crackers at the ready. He's just a nice old man who enjoyed giving something to the kids.)

Although Logan is not a reserved child, Hayden is the clear leader between them. Whatever antics Hayden has, Logan will try to mimic. I find this endlessly amusing, greatly enjoying lagging a bit behind to watch them. Each time we come across paver stepping stones, Hayden wants to play hopscotch. He very deliberately steps to each one solemnly saying "hopscotch" with each step. Then, Logan does the same thing saying "obskah" with each step. It's like a ritual as they are very serious about this, and there is no abbreviating the process if I'm impatient to move on. Trying to get them to move on, just makes them go through the ritual several more times at least. Sometimes they run ahead. Sometimes they lag behind. Sometimes they hold hands. They are always mindful of what the other one is doing. Sometimes they even include me or want to hold my hand.

I have to say, although it would be great to take another family vacation, or some big outing, these evening walks bring me such joy. The boys are content, and getting to be boys. I get to be with them while enjoying our new neighborhood. Mostly, there is time to stop and smell the flowers instead of constantly trying to "accomplish" something, and not really experiencing anything.

A Day Late and a Scoop Short

As I mentioned, yesterday was our 4th wedding anniversary. It doesn't seem very long after knowing each other over 19 years, but a lot has happened in the last four. In that time we went from a hip young couple, living in sin, enjoying happy hours with co-workers, spontaneously going away for the weekend to parents of two gorgeous boys, homeowners and homebodies. I don't even miss our hip lifestyle. Anyone who knows us can tell you we weren't all that hip to begin with.

Our "big" celebration was humble, but very nice. Fillip made a yummy dinner on our New Stove and opened a bottle of wine. The kids were happy and well-behaved all through dinner, so we decided to go out for icecream. This is a huge abberation in our schedules. Dinner is generally followed by bath-story-bed. When the kids are especially tired (after all, I'm not going to blame it on the parents!), the bath is optional.

Last night we piled the boys into the car for an impetuous outing- less elaborate than weekends in Laguna, but for me, the Icecream Queen, still loads of fun. Me might have been pushing the limits of good behavior from the kids. They were overtired from staying up late for fireworks, so not at their most charming. However, we were on a mission and persevered.

Fillip got Logan a scoop- chocolate mousse. He gets extra points for having the maturity to pick a good flavor. Fillip got him a taster spoon to make sure he liked it and they went to sit down at a little kids table. Well, Logan only wanted that little spoon, dismissively pushing his actual scoop of icecream aside as if it were so annoying. Go figure. Eventually, he wound up on the floor, in a fortunately quiet tantrum, kicking his legs and spinning around on his back like a 1987 breakdancer. Nice moves kid, now get up!!

I lifted Hayden to look in the icecream case to pick his flavor. He immediately decided on the bright blue raspberry sherbet. I got him a taster spoon and asked him if he liked it. He did, but then very sadly and hesitantly asked "Can I have more?" Poor kid thought we drove all that way for the little taste. He was a happy kid to sit down with his junior scoop of blue icecream that still stains his face.

So, all this sounds like the most mundane of anniversary celebrations, but the fact is, we had a really great time. Saturday night we are going out alone for a more grownup type of evening, but our actual anniversary was pretty near perfect. We have come a long way in four years.

Oh yeah- and we've been married 4 years today!!

Being that we were married 4 years ago today, it seems that I should be reflecting on our wedding day, and all that we have accomplished in the last 4 years. However, being that we found out I was pregnant with Hayden the day before our wedding, on July 4th, our family has been the context of our marriage literally from day one. In that sense, it seems sufficient to say Happy Anniversary Honey (to the man who doesn't read this anyway) and move on to how great our day turned out yesterday.


Our 4th of July had only some of the usual hectic quality of all our holidays. My brother and sister-in-law came over for breakfast. It was the maiden voyage on our new stove. Whooey! That baby rocks! Logan and I even made brownies together later in the day. This was the first time Stevie and Joyce could sit and relax with us in the house, without the sounds of power tools and sledgehammers. Fillip, the Master cook made a delicious breakfast and it was nice to have a relaxing meal around the table.

Logan went down shortly for a much needed nap, and Hayden soon after. However, Hayden didn't sleep and ended up spending another useless afternoon in his room not napping. I always find this so frustrating, preferring to have him nap, then up and chipper to play. Not to be, but we did our best, mindful that fireworks weren't starting until 9pm, and we didn't want emotional fireworks from tired kids. Last year Hayden took a cue from our niece and absolutely freaked out over the fireworks. We knew it was hit and miss with both boys, and wanted to increase our odds of having a good time.

We headed out to Fillip's brother and sister-in-law's house aka: The Capital of Domestic Suburbia USA for an evening of swimming, bbq and spectacular fireworks. The fireworks are launched from the school below their house, and burst seemingly right in front of us. They reflect off the pool water, and the repurcussions rebound from the surrounding hills. Not just a few lights way up in the sky. It's an experience. We used to be at least slightly drunk and half naked in the jacuzzi for the show. Times have changed a bit, and we try to make sure the kids are jammied up, and near the door to the house in case they get scared. Only one of us gets to be slightly drunk, so we can jet down the hill before the traffic builds up.

Fillip had suggested leaving early being that our kids were pretty tired by 7:30pm. However, we delayed little by little, and before we knew it, the clock said 8:45pm. No sense leaving yet. We could always bail if the kids melted down. I got Hayden in his jammies and let Logan be since he was half asleep and content on Fillip's lap. Hayden snagged us a prime spot on a cushy chaise lounge- love that kid! By the time the show started, both kids were on the lounge chair with me, Hayden tucked into my left side, and Logan on my lap leaning back against me. When the fireworks started, they were beside themselves with excitement. Their faces lit up with the sky and each shout of "Whoa!" by Hayden was quickly echoed by a "Vo!!" from Logan. They were clapping and cheering, and I could feel them giggling against me. I've never enjoyed a fireworks show more, and it had nothing to do with the quality of the show.

After about 20 minutes, Hayden got restless, and therefore Logan did too. Hayden wanted the show to stop, but didn't want to leave. He wasn't cranky, just done. Fillip took a very sleepy Logan to the car and said Hayden and I should join them the second the grand finale ended. If any of you have ever seen the immigrant crossing signs on the highway near San Diego, you can get an idea of what Hayden and I looked like heading for the car last night. It paid off, we made it down the hill before the traffic built up, avoiding sitting in a mess, and more importantly, avoiding a very cranky Fillip. What really cracked me up was the transition from party mode to nuclear family with little kids mode. The house across the street had a dj thumping some really great party music. When Hayden and I got outside, Fillip had the car running and pulled up ready to go. As I got in the Volvo station wagon, the thumping music changed to the lilting tunes of Kindermusik. It was a marked change and so funny to me.

The kiddos were contentedly happy and sleepy in the back seat. I will forever cherish the very special memory of those sweet little boys infusing giggles and joy into me as we sat there together on what could otherwise be considered a typical July 4th celebration.

Look's like I've still got it!!

My niece's wedding was absolutely beautiful. She was a stunning bride, and the groom's not too shabby either! The setting up in the Malibu hills is gorgeous and we couldn't have asked for better weather. The girls all gathered for pre-game hair and makeup, and let's admit it, just to hang out before the wedding. There was a hairdresser there, and as you will see by the last pic a make-up "Artist." I had the honor of driving Marlena to the wedding site and handed her the iPod to set whatever tone she wanted. Silly girl- we belted out the Cellblock Tango from Chicago. Maybe the words don't seem quite appropriate for beginning wedded bliss, but the stress relief of belting out a great song was exactly what was needed. We sang and laughed as we zoomed through the tunnels, arriving with a much more relaxed bride.

There were many tears and smiles throughout the day, as we are a very emotional family. The toasts were poignant and sweet, showing much love for the bride and groom. I had forgotten to write my toast, so had to wing it. It came off ok, one comment coming off as a surprisingly well-timed joke. I'm not that funny so just kinda went with it. Typical me, I got too choked up to finish a sentence, ended in tears and just held up my glass to signify the toast. My niece couldn't hold it together either. We are just that way. After a delicious dinner raucous dancing ensued and we all went home tired and happy.

Here are some pics of the four of us:

My little man Hayden.

Logan could have used a nap.

Fillip seemed to be checking out the goods while we posed for a picture. Yeah baby!!

blubblubblub

That's the sound of me coming up for a breath.

Things should settle down now. That's the plan anyway. All the bridal showers, bachelorette parties and weddings were beautiful. I'll just leave it at that.

The house is coming along nicely. Fillip and his Dad have done an amazing job. They are absolutely exhausted, each skin and bones, but hopefully proud of what they have accomplished. There is still much to be done, but no major construction. Living here is no longer like camping, and almost civilized. We are sleeping in beds, with sheets, rather than on an air mattress. We found our plates so no longer use plastic ones that I washed over and over. The refrigerator is now inside the house, although it is too tall for the space (sorry cabinets.. I know Fillip is going to take a sledgehammer to you shortly!) Next week we will even have appliances!! Cooking on the bbq is fine as a lark, but we are definitely over all takeout for a long time to come.

The kids are excited about the way their rooms are turning out. Logan was beside himself with joy when Fillip brought in his crib. Hayden shows off his room and his red wall, soon to be blue. They seem to really have taken ownership of the place and I love seeing it.

Day to day we are exhausted. Fillip is still working all day on the house. I work a full day, then spend a couple hours in the car by the time I pick up the kids and get home. We are working on finding a balance as I simply can't keep this up. Maybe I should get to bed earlier...spend less time on the computer.... No way!! After 3 weeks without it, I was going through withdrawal!!

Anyway, I figured I should post even a feable update as I had gotten many comments about my lack of posts. (You guys know who you are!! )

Kids are out cold, and I am going to go do the same.

If These Walls Could Talk

We took possession of our very own home today. After weeks of haggling, stress over closing escow, some hives and tears..we signed the paperwork yesterday and it recorded today. Boy do we have a lot of work to do in the next couple weeks! We bought a house with a lot of great potential. In the next couple weeks we will reconfigure half the walls, redo all the electrical, repipe, replace all the windows, install central heat and airconditioning, remodel at least one bathroom, refinish floors and paint. We are hoping our budget supports remodeling the kitchen as well. Apparently, the kitchen is modular. It had a false ceiling and removable counters and cabinets.

Within an hour of getting the keys, we had a pizza picnic ina the living room. I opened a good bottle of wine, and Fillip and his dad began opening walls. Because they are mostly false walls, they came down quite easily. The house was full of great bangs, rumblings, piles of debris and a cloud of dust, but actually looked much better. We could see from one room to another and start to see our vision coming true. We were pretty surprised and very amused to find messages carved into the walls. The middle of the house felt like no man's land- too narrow to be a room, but wide to be a hallway. The hanging chandlier reminded me of a 19th century saloon. Well, someone else saw it differently and we found "Welcome to Hal's Galley" carved into the header beam along with other things I couldn't make out. Given the dark wood paneling, I can imagine sitting in there, rocking back and forth and hearing those old walls creak. I bet those walls have got some great stories.

We just aren't chicken nugget people

At 19 months, Logan seems to have reached peak cuteness. I know I keep saying that about each of them, but each age brings it's own challenges and charm. As challenging as Logan can be, he is unbelievably charming every day. Sometimes Hayden is his best straight man.

Last night I made a dinner that most wouldn't consider to be so kid-friendly. Mind you, I did make mac n' cheese as a backup, but didn't let the kids know about that. I prefer to let them think they have no options other than eat what I made or go to bed hungry. They have yet to go to bed hungry. However, since Hayden has professed to dislike both asparagus and shrimp, I figured the shrimp and asparagus pasta might be asking too much. As always, he surprised me, tasted everything, and decided he likes shrimp after all. Logan previously demonstrated that shrimp are better than life itself, demanding "mo!" again and again. He is a purist and likes them unadulterated by any type of breading. He will methodically peel off any breading to get to the delicious delicacy within. This has greatly amused my friends on more than one occasion. Obviously, the secret mac n' cheese was not intended for this little guy. In addition to the shrimp and asparagus pasta we also had king crab legs. Mmmm! Both kids gladly tried this new pink and interesting food. Hayden gave it good reviews, gladly having more. Logan demanded we keep it coming without delay. We couldn't crack it fast enough, and didn't even realize we were each giving it to him, still not keeping up. Now, I can see a baby going wild over candy, icecream or even some sweet fruit. I had not anticipated that shellfish would get him going. At one point, Fillip thought he wanted more shrimp and popped a piece into his mouth. It took us a minute to realize that the spontaneous sobs and fat rolling tears were his disappointment that this bite was not crab. Ok, sheesh!!

Toward the end of dinner, Hayden let out a huge belch. Since we have two little boys, it isn't surprising that this induced fits of giggles on both sides of the table. And, whatever one boy thinks is funny will be sure to amuse the other, making their giggles self perpetuating. Fillip and I both sat there trying to keep a straight face and asking Hayden "what do you say?" We are big on please, thank you and excuse me. As we sat there being total hard asses, serious as we could be over this breach in decorum, Logan looks at Hayden with as much attitude as any hormonal adolescent would muster and says " 'scuse you!"

So much for decorum.

Sometimes the smallest victories are the greatest.

Sometimes "people" can be grumpy. Often for no particular reason, at least that the rest of us can figure out. Yesterday, was one of those days. Fillip just seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed...all day.

After several weeks of being non-stop busy, we wanted to do something fun with the kids, so went over to Travel Town where both boys were absolutely delighted by the trains. The weather was nice enough, Hayden got "green soda" (7-Up) and Logan was insistent on that bag of Ruffles chips way up there. He was absolutely determined to run back to the hot dog cart vendor to get those chips, not that he's ever seen them in our house. We took a ride on the train where the kids alternately yelled "All aboooaarrd!!" and "Choo chooo!" around the entire park. Logan's eyes were the size of saucers the whole time as he exclaimed in wonder.

Prior to leaving, we had insisted on naptime. Logan goes down like he is relieved to finally get a break from his rough schedule, and Hayden acts as if we are telling him to spend an hour in a pot of acid. Fillip finally got Hayden to sleep, but for various reasons that sleep was brief. I was slightly concerned that he would melt down early, but both boys were great. On the way home, Fillip wasn't quite a ray of sunshine. I was trying to just ignore it and not make a scene in front of the kids, trying to quietly deflect the tension. All of a sudden, Hayden pipes up from the backseat "Daddy, maybe you need a nap."

Indeed.

Lollipop Kids, Generation 3

From left to right: Logan, Sami and Hayden

The joys of photoshop!

Ok, so it's been awhile.
Work is busy, blah blah blah
Home is busy, blah blah blah
Still house hunting, yada yada yada

Like being busy is in any way unique. I do understand it's not, but that doesn't make me any less exhausted.

Logan is now in the Big Shoe Phase. He excitedly identifies whose shoes he sees "Shoosh mamas!" then quickly rips off his own and puts on the bigger ones he finds. Last night he was clomping around in a pair of medium heeled slides. It was so hilarious to watch as a very determined Logan made his way down the hall from our bedroom, holding onto the wall for balance simply to show Daddy the wonderful "Shoosh!" he had found. He was in a t-shirt and shorts with those little Munchkin legs coming up out of the shoes and those tiny sock clad feet taking up maybe a tenth of the shoe. If I were to stand my shoe on end, it would probably be taller than his knees since he is so little (and, let's face it, I've got really big feet.) Fillip looked up to a beaming face full of pride and chutzpah. Five minutes later, he looked up to the same expression behind a pair of sunglasses. Who says only girls play dress up?

Hayden is a Big kid now. He will tell you this any chance he gets. Nevermind that physically, he is also a tiny Munchkin. He wants to be a Big Eater, a Big Boy, and in no way Little. Logan is little, not Hayden. Hayden is big like Mommy and Daddy. Not a baby. Not a kid. Big. Got it? He is a very fun kid with so much personality. He was very good over Passover and had lots of fun visiting with various family groups and did a good job making Grandma kvell when he recited the Hebrew blessing over the wine. Such a little mensch. All signs of toddlerhood have disappeared and every day I am amazed at how swiftly that passed.

I Surrender

After a week of feeling not quite well, I have declared myself Officially Sick, and am home for the day. Even yesterday, I had the perspective that I wasn't really sick, even though I could barely even speak. Well, after some serious coughing, some disturbing wheezing, and losing what was left of my voice I give up. I need to rest. Work will need to wait. (Well, sorta since my boss did call me this morning.) The housework will need to wait. (Except for getting the kitchen cleared a bit...and a load of laundry.) The kids will be fine with their usual Friday at my mother in law's house. I even declined to drive them over there this morning when Fillip woke late. Didn't even get out of bed. I am home getting my fix of the Food Network, and residing in my natural state of being unkempt and inert on the couch.

The white flag has been raised.

"The sum of all piles must equal the ceiling."

Possibly my all time favorite quote by Fillip.

You would never guess I had a cleaning crew come to the house on Saturday. I had finally reduced the dirty laundry pile to less than one full basket and had the maid service fold all the clean clothes. They did and put it all in random baskets in the closet. They also hung up the designated shirts, then put them in the closet sideways, with every couple hangers facing a different direction. I have not been able to get to any of my clothes, and I couldn't just grab the pile and hang it up correctly. Last night I finally got to that, standing on the piles of clean laundry to hang stuff on the higher racks. Since I've had absolutely no time to spare, the dirty clothes have bred like rabbits, and is now approximately four feet high. I can't tell you how much I wish I were exaggerating here.

Circus time- Hayden's 3rd Birthday Party

We didn't need a clown to make a circus. Hosting a party for 45 adults and 15-20 preschoolers is enough of a circus as it is.

Hayden seemed to really enjoy his birthday party. The first thing he asked when he woke up was if we could make his birthday cake. I said I had baked it last night, fearing he would be disappointed at not getting to help. Instead, he said "Oh thank you!" What a sweetheart. Because of our hectic week and complete lack spare time, the cake didn't get decorated until yesterday morning, but it was cute.

We kept things simple with hotdogs, macaroni and cheese, salad and fruit. Everything seemed to go over well, especially the fruit juice punch. The kids just piled into the back yard with activity reminiscent of a hive of bees. We had circus music playing and it was just fun to look out into the yard at all that fun. I think I heard calliope music in my dreams last night, as we had it playing for hours. Of course, as people were arriving I was just starting to inflate balloons, no makeup, and hadn't yet convinced the birthday boy to put on shoes. No worries, it all works out in the end, despite my elevated stress level. People are always happy to pitch in, and I think most people relate to that mad dash to party perfection. The only glitch was the delayed arrival of our clown. She was an hour late having mixed up when to switch her clock for Daylight Savings time. It threw our timing off and some people had to leave before we served cake, but like everything else worked out well. It was very cute to see all those little kids totally engrossed in the activities she was doing. Talk about a magic show!! Anyone who can happily engage 3 year olds for an hour must be casting some sort of spell. Hayden lost interest halfway through the "show," complaining his feet were hot and he needed shoes (duh! We had record breaking temps!) and seemed kind of out of it. I plied him and Logan with fruit punch suspecting they were getting dehydrated. Sure enough, they perked up in about 10 minutes. I mentioned it to the other parents since the kids don't think to stop playing to get a drink.

We didn't open presents until most people had left. Hayden doesn't associate birthdays with presents, and although he did pick out a couple toys to play with (like his new trainset from Grandma!) he was so tired that he was happy to play nearby while I opened his gifts. Poor Logan was just grateful to get to take a nap finally and slept for 2 1/2 hours! The kids all seemed to have a great time, and I know Hayden did. He graciously thanked people for coming and played nicely the whole afternoon. He crashed late for a nap, and was up until 11pm, but I'm so glad we gave him such a fun party.

As the hosts, we were madly rushing from one thing to the next and I almost feel like I missed the party. I kept trying to be mindful to stop and see how Hayden was enjoying things, or chat with one person or another, but something would pull me away in just a minute. It just seems like one of those days I didn't really get to experience, and need to attempt to be more "present" at future parties. Overall, everyone seemed happy, entertained and full. That spells birthday party success to me.

Happy birthday, Sweet Pea. After bringing cupcakes to your class, going to dinner with servers singing, having a cake the previous week at Grandma's house, and a big crazy party, I think your 3rd birthday has now been sufficiently celebrated!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Hayden!

How do I accurately describe my sweet Hayden?

This is a rambunctious child. He is constantly in motion, constantly chattering, either laughing or crying. He is fairly easy to read as his body language and facial expression make it clear what mood is his experiencing. His emotions are intense and can change rapidly. Generally though, we can see it coming, and anticipate challenges.

Hayden is very popular with his classmates. He plays with different people each day, and when we arrive at birthday parties, everyone starts calling his name to come play with them. As social as he is, he tends to hang back in hectic situations, either waiting until he is comfortable until he jumps into the fray, or more commonly choosing to play in smaller groups or on his own. The prescribed Birthday Party Jumper is not his thing as he will only go in if he is alone or with about 2 other kids, bailing at the first sign of commotion. Strangely, he tends to create his own commotion. He is loud! He loves to sing, run, jump and we now frequently see neat "tricks" with amazed shouts of "Did you see that?!" In the car he asks for his Kindermusik songs and very politely to have it louder. I hear him picking up words and phrases from the people in his life whether they are sophisticated sayings such as "The fact of the matter is.." or a more casual "Guys! Let's all sit here!" He is experimenting with words and sounds making up his own gibberish and baby talk. He has a fabulous memory and can relay complicated situations to others or recite lengthy storybooks, sometimes inserting his own variations. He absolutely loves silliness of any kind. He is extremely ticklish all over and gives as good as he gets. People seem surprised that he is only turning 3 when they hear him speak. Of course, as his Mom, I would say he is a genius.. But it is true that his speech is very advanced and he is able to articulate things that many 3 year olds may not. Physically and verbally he is way ahead of the game. Emotionally I would say he is right on, with all the volatility that comes from a little boy transitioning from the dependency of toddlerhood to the independence of childhood.

At mealtimes, Hayden is generally very good. Sitting still in his seat is not his greatest skill, as there seems to be extra energy flowing from him. He doesn't want to go do something else, it is just so hard to sit in one place! He wiggles, he gets up and down, he turns around, he looks over and under the table. This is rewarded by giggles from his biggest fan, Logan. Hayden isn't a picky eater, but he is starting to decline things based on appearance. We have a rule that you must taste everything on the table and we usually don't have too much problem with that. If we put a bite on his fork and explain he only needs to take that one bite, he generally will and tell us he likes it. Then he will go back to wiggling and tending to distraction rather than the meal. Gum is the great motivator, a VERY rare treat used for very important stuff…like haircuts. He has fantastic manners always requesting things with "May I please have.." and thanking people. It is very charming to us and surprising to strangers when he is in a restaurants places his order.

Naptime at home or at Grandma's goes very well most of the time, with a very groggy boy emerging to report "I had a good nap." At school naps remain elusive and we have basically given up. He now gets to learn Spanish during naptime since his teachers have given up on naps as well. Bedtime has become a bit of a challenge. He loves his bath and ask each night "Are we baffing tonight?" Storytime now involves both boys and is so sweet with the three of us snuggled up in Hayden's big racecar bed. Hayden often recites his story to us, but is happy to listen as well. It's once the time comes to tuck him in that the black cloud comes over him and he challenges us. We've been working on a more peaceful goodnight, but unfortunately, he often challenges us until we leave the room, a sad way to end the day. This phase will pass, I'm sure.

Overall he is such a sweet boy. He is quick to give hugs and kisses, says "Sorry!" if he accidentally hurts someone, and will spontaneously give Logan hugs, kisses and include him in play. In a heartbeat he will be grabbing things from his brother, but that works both ways and we try to fairly referee them. He adores his family and is so excited when he gets to play with his cousins, especially Kennedy who is only 4 months older than him. They are so cute together these days "playing school."

Each day Hayden says things that amaze us. He as an ability to make connections that we just wouldn't expect. Because of that, we have treaded lightly in the last few days in trying to gauge his comprehension of losing his Nana, his great grandmother. I'm sure he fully understands the loss, but seems to have absorbed that something significant has happened and been on his very best behavior.

He is so excited about his birthday. When we have asked how old he is turning, the answer is always "Three in March!" We'll need to work on that, but I simply can't believe three years have flown by. My little boy is everything a mom could dream of and then some. He is absolutely beautiful inside and out. I suppose some day he will be too old for me to go in after he is sleeping, tuck in a little more snugly, and rest my face against that soft little cheek. For now I will continue since three years is not nearly enough time for me to accept the fact that he is growing up.

Happy Birthday my Sweet Pea.

Overwhelmed

I am feeling rather overwhelmed. No, this isn't unusual, but I'm hoping by writing it down, I can wrap my mind around it. There are the usual things- making sure I take care of my family, do my job well, keep in touch with my friends, and find some time for me.

In addition, we have the added stress of Fillip's grandmother being gravely ill. This could be a whole other post, but I'll just simply say that although her situation is not demanding of our time right now, it is emotionally draining. Being that she isn't expected to make it through the weekend, next week promises to be busy with a funeral and nightly shiva services. In the meantime, we feel like we are emotionally "on call," ready to run to various family homes if necessary, with alternate plans for the kids at all times.

Thursday also happens to be Hayden's birthday, which we will want to ensure is a special day for him. I'll want to bring a treat to his class, requiring more time away from the office. Next Sunday is Hayden's party at our house. We really need to get the house in order as being uber-busy, that is usually at the bottom of our priority list, if it even makes it on the list. Sometimes, we are just too freakin' busy to care. So, we decided to hire someone to clean the place, except it takes time to interview and hire people, and with so little time, it might just be more prudent to clean it ourselves, or at least stash away the extraneous junk so nobody sees it unless they open a closet they shouldn't. Then we can shift the focus to their lack of consideration in poking around in our closets, rather than the fact that we live like slobs. Over the weekend, we also need to shop for the party, meaning we really need to nail down what we need. The day before the party we will need to set everything up, get the food, make and decorate the cake (which, anyone who knows me will tell you is no small task), and somewhere in there get a little bit of sleep. All this in the next seven days.

You'd think if I could get through this week, it would be free sailing for awhile, but that's not actually the case. Sometime "soon" I am supposed to be taking on a new position here at work. It promises to be very challenging, time consuming, and hopefully lucrative. It will require me to be nearly perfect in execution, and learn things that currently seem alien to my non-financial brain.

The first half of this year is jam packed with events, and there are still things I think we will need to pass on,like a weekend trip to the mountains. Fillip is talking about another motorhome trip in June, but fortunately, he will do the majority of planning for that adventure. As of now I am either planning, or helping organize the following things:

April 1- girlfriend's bridal shower
April 3- hosting Passover seder
April 27-29- girlfriend's bachelorette party
May 11- girlfriend's rehearsal dinner
May 12- girlfriend's wedding- she planned it, I'm in it
May 12- Revlon Run/Walk for Women- I'm team captain for my office again this year
May 20- niece's bridal shower
June 2?- niece's bachelorette party
June 7-10- group camping trip
June 22- niece's rehearsal dinner
June 24- niece's wedding- again- she did the planning, I'm the Matron (cringe) of Honor

There- that's a manageable list, right?

Who would have thought this would be so hard?

I mean, we've made much harder decisions. We chose a preschool with very little time, with endless self imposed pressure to make sure it was the perfect place to leave what is most precious to us. We've made decisions about what they eat, how to discipline them (which clearly isn't working, but that's another post), and each day shape their lives with the endless decisions we are making for them. But this...this had me at a bit of a loss.

After all, how do I know I am getting The Right Clown? What qualifications should I look for? I assume it's not like hiring a contractor who needs to be licensed and bonded. Will they play the right games? What if Hayden is afraid of clowns? These are the thoughts that plague me through the night. After all, how can I be sure that the water coming out of the funny boutonniere is non-toxic? I called a couple agencies, but for some reason nothing felt comfortable to me. They assured me that "whatever clown" they sent would be great, but shouldn't I know exactly who is coming to my home? Shouldn't I already know what person will be interacting with my 3-year old son and his friends, whose parents are trusting that I will not expose their children to some degenerate?

Today I found The One. She looks great. Her website shows pictures of her with the kids, lists her experience, references and even her resume. She is also a preschool teacher with Child Development units. I quickly emailed her and she quickly responded, even mentioning that she is a "pretty clown" not a scary clown. Ding! We have a winner! She called me just a short while later, sounding very personable and friendly. One thing we talked about was price and I mentioned that her price is perfectly competitive with the other companies I contacted. She said she used to work for agencies like that and that the person doing the performance gets a small fraction of that amount. She also said that they may describe one person and send another, that they even asked her to use another name on occasion! Now, some of this is self-promotion, but I do like the idea of having personally spoken to and arranged things with the person who is coming to our home. She spoke about being able to keep the kids' attention for an hour, and that she knows how to speak with them, making even the shy ones comfortable.

Hmmm...maybe I should go to clown school.

Peas in a (i)Pod

As a Completely Non-technical person, I am enamored with my iPod. It now goes everywhere with me- car, gym, and even on a long walk yesterday. It has become my trusty companion, creating a soundtrack to many parts of my day. When the kids are restless in the car, I can put on that magical Kindermusik, which has the amazing ability to calm them when I can't. Really, I don't know what subliminal messages are being broadcast over those selections of Wishy Washy and Ring Around the Roses, but they settle into their carseats with a happy, dazed expression without fail.

At the gym, I hit on quite the random selection of music. Being Completely Non-technical, I find setting up Playlists to be a challenge, not quite worth my time. Instead, I have the iPod randomly play through the music library Fillip was kind enough to load for me. Last week I had a really great workout and found myself reflecting on the odd assortment of music that got me through it. We warmed up to Natalie Merchant, pumped a few machines to Papa Roach, hit the treadmill for some cardio to Rossini's overture to Semiramide, then cooled down to Don McLean's Bye Bye Miss American Pie. Not exactly what most people would consider a cohesive group of songs, but frankly, it was the best hour of music I had listened to in a long time.

Yesterday my new pal (by that I mean my iPod) joined me for a long walk around my neighborhood. As we bopped along, I was in my own little world. Diana Ross and the Supremes' Love Child, Oingo Boingo's Out of Control, a bit of Fillip's classic rock thrown in here and there. It was great. I was outside, enjoying the fresh air, and the feeling of really moving along. Then I walked by someone else with earphones in. I smiled and nodded as we passed, but he didn't give me even a glimmer of acknowledgement. Suddenly, I found that despite being on a public street with hundreds of cars going by, I was completely and utterly isolated. My great music brought me a wonderful momentum, but I felt completely removed from everything around me. While at the gym, this is a good thing as I don't like particularly like the feeling of being a hamster on a wheel, but being out on a beautiful day, it seems like I should feel a bit of connection with my community, or at least get a friendly nod from the strangers I am walking past. As I entered the alley behind my house I turned off the music to let the world back in. There were birds chirping, dogs barking, and a refreshing sense of experiencing my day once again.

Although I love my little blue iPod, I need to be mindful not to shut the world out completely, just now and then.