Ok, so I finally came up with an insightful and witty first post for my Brand New Blog. Somehow I deleted it and am already less enamored with this process. You know, something about my thoughts whirling all the time, yet my mind mirroring the blank screen I am looking at. I then outlined my inner conflict which goes something like this.....
Each day I am faced with numerous conflicting obligations. I would like to be the Perfect Mother, a Good Wife, a Reliable Professional, yet still have have some sense of Me. This is not easy.
The Perfect Mother- Who defines what this is? I want to enjoy my boys infancy, toddlerhood, and childhood as each phase is so delicately short. I want my boys to feel loved, secure, and supported in everything they do. I want to stay home with them, yet give them social outlets to grow into individuals who are comfortable with different types of people. I want to foster an independence in them, while teaching them they can't do everything on their own. I would like to spend more time with them, be more energetic, more creative, more patient, just more.
A Good Wife- Again, a subjective goal. I want my husband to feel loved and secure in our marriage. I want him to respect who I am and what I do. I want us to work as a team in our shared life striving together to achieve marital, family and personal goals.
Reliable Professional- I want my bosses and co-workers to perceive me as a professional who gets the job done, regardless of personal stuggles. I want to present a professional image that is unshakeable, unflapplable, dependable.
Me- Here is where it all falls apart. My need to be the Perfect Mother is hindered by my need to provide for my children by being the Reliable Professional, necessitated by my role as the Good Wife to a husband whose career has been rocky these last couple years. I need to be financially and emotionally supportive of my husband and children, yet feel chronically emotionally and physically depleted.
This is my daily stuggle. So, how do I fix all this? I guess we will find out together!