Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Last Call Has Come and Gone

Logan is weaned. He doesn't seem to mind and doesn't ask to nurse. I'm not as content about this.

For the last couple weeks, Logan was only nursing in the morning. I would wake him at 5:30am so we could spend a few minutes together before work. On Sunday I had Fillip get up with him, then haven't woken Logan all week. He isn't wild about cow's milk, but drinks it when he realizes that is his only option. Once he is used to this new routine, I may wake him to spend time together and give him cow's milk before work. Right now, I don't want to upset him, then have to leave, so I have been letting him sleep in.

Despite the fact that he was only nursing once a day, this has been quite uncomfortable for me. Last night I manually expressed some milk into the sink to alleviate some of the pressure in the two rocks on my chest. It was so hard for me to waste that milk, instead of getting Logan to take care of it. After years of making sure I kept my production up, drank Mother's Milk Tea when it was low, pumped morning and night, and watched everything I ate because it would get passed on, it was a mental leap to just pour that milk down the sink. However, I just felt that we would have to go through this process all over again if I gave in and nursed him to alleviate the pressure. When Hayden weaned, it was because I had lost my milk due to pregnancy, so never had to deal with the discomfort. Since I haven't been producing much recently, I am surprised that I am still so full after several days, and look forward to my body adjusting.

Although it is a relief to have my body back to myself, I am also very sad. I love the closeness and bonding of nursing a baby, and am so grateful to have been able to share this with Logan for his first year. Since we don't know if we will be having any more children, it is possible that I will never nurse a baby again. That is hard to digest. Despite my sentimentality and difficulty in letting him grow up, I know I will always fondly look back on this time and feel good about having the wonderful opportunity and ability to have a successful nursing relationship with my sweet boy.


Ann said...

Kuddos to you girl - one year is a nice long relationship. As much as it would be easier on my body for me to end my run now, I just can't seem to give it up - don't want to lose my baby yet. I will be seeking support come our one-year anniversary in January.

mi said...

Enjoy it while it lasts. I'll be there fore you when your sweet little one kicks the habit!