At least his hands match his bed.

We've made the big decision to switch the boys' school. We've seen a rapid decline not only in their curriculum, but in the actual care they are getting. Although I feel sad that they are leaving the place they know and love, I feel so bitter about the situation that I am really excited to have them in a completely new environment. The new school is a montessori where friends of ours send their daughter. It is much smaller and a non-profit organization. All the kids were engaged in different activities and the longer the teacher spoke with me, the more sure I was about this program. They even cook on Thursdays during the summer - Sold!

Just a few of the things that have been bothering us about their current school:

There are rats! Need I say more about this one?

A seeming lack of curriculum. We have no idea what they do all day, and the teachers who are there at pick up can't seem to tell us. The director didn't seem to know either.

Excessive teacher turnover - It seems that there is a new teacher every week. We don't know who each one is, and often mistake them for other parents.

Short staffing, resulting in even less programming.

They aren't given drinks with their afternoon snack. Last week Logan was asking for water as I came in. The kids were having crackers and he was thirsty. I spent a few minutes in each classroom gathering their things. When I returned, he was still asking for water. When I asked the teacher if he had been given any, she said no. After questioning Hayden tonight we realized they simply aren't given a drink with their afternoon snack! There are days when it is 100 degrees outside. I would think they should be given a drink while on the playground, and immediately upon coming inside.

Yesterday, Logan's diaper was so full, his shorts were wet. His face was also dirty. He deserves so much better than that.

And finally- this is minor in comparison to the last two issues, but this is how we found Hayden today. He said he had been "ice painting." See those red hands? The teachers couldn't tell us this, but when we called, the director said they had been painting with ice and food coloring! She didn't know that food coloring is dye.






Yea, we feel pretty good about changing schools.

Too many choices

I'll never be accused of being too decisive. Our house has come along way since I took this picture, but I still haven't decided on all the paint colors I want to use. Any thoughts?

Silly boys

Sometimes they are just fun to watch.

Lunchbox Selection, Take II

These days Logan is very aware himself and what belongs to him. He doesn't spend to much time shouting "Mine!" but instead loves to show you his things or make sure he is included in a statement. If we say we are going for a walk, he will point to his chest and say "And me?" When someone comes in the house he goes running off shouting "my woom!" (my room!) The visitor will then need to quickly go see his room before he goes running the other way yelling "my buvva woom!!" where he will show off Hayden's room as well. He proudly points these things out as if he designed them himself. One thing the boys have tussled over (among many things) are their lunchboxes. Or, rather, the two lunchboxes Hayden has that Logan gets to use as well. I decided it was time for Logan to pick one for himself.

Unlike last time, having Logan select his lunchbox seemed like a non-event. I didn't get misty. I didn't put it off for some silly emotional reasons. We just hadn't gotten to it yet. But now he is in the Two's class. Even by Hayden's discriminating standards this makes Logan a Big Boy, not a Baby. So, it was time. I used the same method I did for Hayden, presenting two lunchboxes so Logan could eliminate one at a time. Like his brother he was very decisive and consistent about what he liked. Hayden had to be reminded not to influence Logan and just let him decide for himself. That sorta worked...not! The last lunchbox I grabbed was a Thomas the Train. No surprise there that as my little engineer saw that his entire face lit up and he started yelling "My shoo shoo dane!!!" Well, that was it. A very excited Logan got to take home the perfect lunchbox, HIS lunchbox. He now carries that lunchbox everywhere he can, delighted to have his very own choo choo train. It's these little things that I find so rewarding.

I've Been Around the Block a Few Times

Being that my latest goal is to find a balance between the Rat Race and enjoying life, I have been trying to take the kids for a walk each evening and on weekend mornings. It's a chance to burn off some of that extra energy, and they love getting out and running around. I do too. We started out taking their ride-on cars, but that didn't work out so well. Hayden would zoom way ahead, and Logan would quickly tire of it, so I would have to carry his home. One morning we even made it over to the lake (yes, here in the middle of Los Angeles) where the boys chased an entire flock of ducks into the water. Good fun. We will be spending lots of time there.

They are friendly souls, so our evening walks around the block have also facilitated meeting many of the neighbors I would otherwise just give a vague friendly nod to as we go around the block. My kids literally stop cold when they see someone (actually there are a hundred reasons they stop, making a walk around a small block a very long journey indeed. ie: A garage opens. A garage closes. A dog barks. A neighbor opens his door. There are flowers.) Once the targeted neighbor notices the two staring boys they generally stop whatever fascinating activity they were doing and say hello. I stand by like the not-so-bright cousin that the boys were kind enough to include in their day. They will then pepper the neighbor with burning questions and tidbits such as: How do you open your garage? Do you use a button? Does it open in one piece? My garage is closed. Is that your car? It looks like my Grandpa's car. Is that your dog? I have two cats. Does your car go in your garage? Why?

I say "they" ask questions, but really Hayden fires them off while Logan stands by supportively in the interrogation, with a few words echoed in agreement- Bappa cah (Grandpa car), my Booboo dat (Voodoo the cat). Sometimes, they get a few obliging answers, then less elaboration until the neighbor looks at me in panic as if to say I should call off the hounds. At this point I step in and introduce myself and the fact that we just moved in. Sometimes (well, once) the older neighbor offers the boys a cookie, disappears inside for a minute, then comes back and hands them each an entire sleeve of Saltine crackers. They dutifully thanked him, ate as many crackers as they could before they ran out of saliva, then happily handed the packages to me for the remainder of the walk. Gee, thanks. (**disclaimer: Yes, I let my kids eat crackers given to them by a complete stranger. I just figure, since he didn't know we were coming around, I'm guessing he didn't have pre-poisened crackers at the ready. He's just a nice old man who enjoyed giving something to the kids.)

Although Logan is not a reserved child, Hayden is the clear leader between them. Whatever antics Hayden has, Logan will try to mimic. I find this endlessly amusing, greatly enjoying lagging a bit behind to watch them. Each time we come across paver stepping stones, Hayden wants to play hopscotch. He very deliberately steps to each one solemnly saying "hopscotch" with each step. Then, Logan does the same thing saying "obskah" with each step. It's like a ritual as they are very serious about this, and there is no abbreviating the process if I'm impatient to move on. Trying to get them to move on, just makes them go through the ritual several more times at least. Sometimes they run ahead. Sometimes they lag behind. Sometimes they hold hands. They are always mindful of what the other one is doing. Sometimes they even include me or want to hold my hand.

I have to say, although it would be great to take another family vacation, or some big outing, these evening walks bring me such joy. The boys are content, and getting to be boys. I get to be with them while enjoying our new neighborhood. Mostly, there is time to stop and smell the flowers instead of constantly trying to "accomplish" something, and not really experiencing anything.

A Day Late and a Scoop Short

As I mentioned, yesterday was our 4th wedding anniversary. It doesn't seem very long after knowing each other over 19 years, but a lot has happened in the last four. In that time we went from a hip young couple, living in sin, enjoying happy hours with co-workers, spontaneously going away for the weekend to parents of two gorgeous boys, homeowners and homebodies. I don't even miss our hip lifestyle. Anyone who knows us can tell you we weren't all that hip to begin with.

Our "big" celebration was humble, but very nice. Fillip made a yummy dinner on our New Stove and opened a bottle of wine. The kids were happy and well-behaved all through dinner, so we decided to go out for icecream. This is a huge abberation in our schedules. Dinner is generally followed by bath-story-bed. When the kids are especially tired (after all, I'm not going to blame it on the parents!), the bath is optional.

Last night we piled the boys into the car for an impetuous outing- less elaborate than weekends in Laguna, but for me, the Icecream Queen, still loads of fun. Me might have been pushing the limits of good behavior from the kids. They were overtired from staying up late for fireworks, so not at their most charming. However, we were on a mission and persevered.

Fillip got Logan a scoop- chocolate mousse. He gets extra points for having the maturity to pick a good flavor. Fillip got him a taster spoon to make sure he liked it and they went to sit down at a little kids table. Well, Logan only wanted that little spoon, dismissively pushing his actual scoop of icecream aside as if it were so annoying. Go figure. Eventually, he wound up on the floor, in a fortunately quiet tantrum, kicking his legs and spinning around on his back like a 1987 breakdancer. Nice moves kid, now get up!!

I lifted Hayden to look in the icecream case to pick his flavor. He immediately decided on the bright blue raspberry sherbet. I got him a taster spoon and asked him if he liked it. He did, but then very sadly and hesitantly asked "Can I have more?" Poor kid thought we drove all that way for the little taste. He was a happy kid to sit down with his junior scoop of blue icecream that still stains his face.

So, all this sounds like the most mundane of anniversary celebrations, but the fact is, we had a really great time. Saturday night we are going out alone for a more grownup type of evening, but our actual anniversary was pretty near perfect. We have come a long way in four years.

Oh yeah- and we've been married 4 years today!!

Being that we were married 4 years ago today, it seems that I should be reflecting on our wedding day, and all that we have accomplished in the last 4 years. However, being that we found out I was pregnant with Hayden the day before our wedding, on July 4th, our family has been the context of our marriage literally from day one. In that sense, it seems sufficient to say Happy Anniversary Honey (to the man who doesn't read this anyway) and move on to how great our day turned out yesterday.


Our 4th of July had only some of the usual hectic quality of all our holidays. My brother and sister-in-law came over for breakfast. It was the maiden voyage on our new stove. Whooey! That baby rocks! Logan and I even made brownies together later in the day. This was the first time Stevie and Joyce could sit and relax with us in the house, without the sounds of power tools and sledgehammers. Fillip, the Master cook made a delicious breakfast and it was nice to have a relaxing meal around the table.

Logan went down shortly for a much needed nap, and Hayden soon after. However, Hayden didn't sleep and ended up spending another useless afternoon in his room not napping. I always find this so frustrating, preferring to have him nap, then up and chipper to play. Not to be, but we did our best, mindful that fireworks weren't starting until 9pm, and we didn't want emotional fireworks from tired kids. Last year Hayden took a cue from our niece and absolutely freaked out over the fireworks. We knew it was hit and miss with both boys, and wanted to increase our odds of having a good time.

We headed out to Fillip's brother and sister-in-law's house aka: The Capital of Domestic Suburbia USA for an evening of swimming, bbq and spectacular fireworks. The fireworks are launched from the school below their house, and burst seemingly right in front of us. They reflect off the pool water, and the repurcussions rebound from the surrounding hills. Not just a few lights way up in the sky. It's an experience. We used to be at least slightly drunk and half naked in the jacuzzi for the show. Times have changed a bit, and we try to make sure the kids are jammied up, and near the door to the house in case they get scared. Only one of us gets to be slightly drunk, so we can jet down the hill before the traffic builds up.

Fillip had suggested leaving early being that our kids were pretty tired by 7:30pm. However, we delayed little by little, and before we knew it, the clock said 8:45pm. No sense leaving yet. We could always bail if the kids melted down. I got Hayden in his jammies and let Logan be since he was half asleep and content on Fillip's lap. Hayden snagged us a prime spot on a cushy chaise lounge- love that kid! By the time the show started, both kids were on the lounge chair with me, Hayden tucked into my left side, and Logan on my lap leaning back against me. When the fireworks started, they were beside themselves with excitement. Their faces lit up with the sky and each shout of "Whoa!" by Hayden was quickly echoed by a "Vo!!" from Logan. They were clapping and cheering, and I could feel them giggling against me. I've never enjoyed a fireworks show more, and it had nothing to do with the quality of the show.

After about 20 minutes, Hayden got restless, and therefore Logan did too. Hayden wanted the show to stop, but didn't want to leave. He wasn't cranky, just done. Fillip took a very sleepy Logan to the car and said Hayden and I should join them the second the grand finale ended. If any of you have ever seen the immigrant crossing signs on the highway near San Diego, you can get an idea of what Hayden and I looked like heading for the car last night. It paid off, we made it down the hill before the traffic built up, avoiding sitting in a mess, and more importantly, avoiding a very cranky Fillip. What really cracked me up was the transition from party mode to nuclear family with little kids mode. The house across the street had a dj thumping some really great party music. When Hayden and I got outside, Fillip had the car running and pulled up ready to go. As I got in the Volvo station wagon, the thumping music changed to the lilting tunes of Kindermusik. It was a marked change and so funny to me.

The kiddos were contentedly happy and sleepy in the back seat. I will forever cherish the very special memory of those sweet little boys infusing giggles and joy into me as we sat there together on what could otherwise be considered a typical July 4th celebration.

Look's like I've still got it!!

My niece's wedding was absolutely beautiful. She was a stunning bride, and the groom's not too shabby either! The setting up in the Malibu hills is gorgeous and we couldn't have asked for better weather. The girls all gathered for pre-game hair and makeup, and let's admit it, just to hang out before the wedding. There was a hairdresser there, and as you will see by the last pic a make-up "Artist." I had the honor of driving Marlena to the wedding site and handed her the iPod to set whatever tone she wanted. Silly girl- we belted out the Cellblock Tango from Chicago. Maybe the words don't seem quite appropriate for beginning wedded bliss, but the stress relief of belting out a great song was exactly what was needed. We sang and laughed as we zoomed through the tunnels, arriving with a much more relaxed bride.

There were many tears and smiles throughout the day, as we are a very emotional family. The toasts were poignant and sweet, showing much love for the bride and groom. I had forgotten to write my toast, so had to wing it. It came off ok, one comment coming off as a surprisingly well-timed joke. I'm not that funny so just kinda went with it. Typical me, I got too choked up to finish a sentence, ended in tears and just held up my glass to signify the toast. My niece couldn't hold it together either. We are just that way. After a delicious dinner raucous dancing ensued and we all went home tired and happy.

Here are some pics of the four of us:

My little man Hayden.

Logan could have used a nap.

Fillip seemed to be checking out the goods while we posed for a picture. Yeah baby!!

blubblubblub

That's the sound of me coming up for a breath.

Things should settle down now. That's the plan anyway. All the bridal showers, bachelorette parties and weddings were beautiful. I'll just leave it at that.

The house is coming along nicely. Fillip and his Dad have done an amazing job. They are absolutely exhausted, each skin and bones, but hopefully proud of what they have accomplished. There is still much to be done, but no major construction. Living here is no longer like camping, and almost civilized. We are sleeping in beds, with sheets, rather than on an air mattress. We found our plates so no longer use plastic ones that I washed over and over. The refrigerator is now inside the house, although it is too tall for the space (sorry cabinets.. I know Fillip is going to take a sledgehammer to you shortly!) Next week we will even have appliances!! Cooking on the bbq is fine as a lark, but we are definitely over all takeout for a long time to come.

The kids are excited about the way their rooms are turning out. Logan was beside himself with joy when Fillip brought in his crib. Hayden shows off his room and his red wall, soon to be blue. They seem to really have taken ownership of the place and I love seeing it.

Day to day we are exhausted. Fillip is still working all day on the house. I work a full day, then spend a couple hours in the car by the time I pick up the kids and get home. We are working on finding a balance as I simply can't keep this up. Maybe I should get to bed earlier...spend less time on the computer.... No way!! After 3 weeks without it, I was going through withdrawal!!

Anyway, I figured I should post even a feable update as I had gotten many comments about my lack of posts. (You guys know who you are!! )

Kids are out cold, and I am going to go do the same.

If These Walls Could Talk

We took possession of our very own home today. After weeks of haggling, stress over closing escow, some hives and tears..we signed the paperwork yesterday and it recorded today. Boy do we have a lot of work to do in the next couple weeks! We bought a house with a lot of great potential. In the next couple weeks we will reconfigure half the walls, redo all the electrical, repipe, replace all the windows, install central heat and airconditioning, remodel at least one bathroom, refinish floors and paint. We are hoping our budget supports remodeling the kitchen as well. Apparently, the kitchen is modular. It had a false ceiling and removable counters and cabinets.

Within an hour of getting the keys, we had a pizza picnic ina the living room. I opened a good bottle of wine, and Fillip and his dad began opening walls. Because they are mostly false walls, they came down quite easily. The house was full of great bangs, rumblings, piles of debris and a cloud of dust, but actually looked much better. We could see from one room to another and start to see our vision coming true. We were pretty surprised and very amused to find messages carved into the walls. The middle of the house felt like no man's land- too narrow to be a room, but wide to be a hallway. The hanging chandlier reminded me of a 19th century saloon. Well, someone else saw it differently and we found "Welcome to Hal's Galley" carved into the header beam along with other things I couldn't make out. Given the dark wood paneling, I can imagine sitting in there, rocking back and forth and hearing those old walls creak. I bet those walls have got some great stories.

We just aren't chicken nugget people

At 19 months, Logan seems to have reached peak cuteness. I know I keep saying that about each of them, but each age brings it's own challenges and charm. As challenging as Logan can be, he is unbelievably charming every day. Sometimes Hayden is his best straight man.

Last night I made a dinner that most wouldn't consider to be so kid-friendly. Mind you, I did make mac n' cheese as a backup, but didn't let the kids know about that. I prefer to let them think they have no options other than eat what I made or go to bed hungry. They have yet to go to bed hungry. However, since Hayden has professed to dislike both asparagus and shrimp, I figured the shrimp and asparagus pasta might be asking too much. As always, he surprised me, tasted everything, and decided he likes shrimp after all. Logan previously demonstrated that shrimp are better than life itself, demanding "mo!" again and again. He is a purist and likes them unadulterated by any type of breading. He will methodically peel off any breading to get to the delicious delicacy within. This has greatly amused my friends on more than one occasion. Obviously, the secret mac n' cheese was not intended for this little guy. In addition to the shrimp and asparagus pasta we also had king crab legs. Mmmm! Both kids gladly tried this new pink and interesting food. Hayden gave it good reviews, gladly having more. Logan demanded we keep it coming without delay. We couldn't crack it fast enough, and didn't even realize we were each giving it to him, still not keeping up. Now, I can see a baby going wild over candy, icecream or even some sweet fruit. I had not anticipated that shellfish would get him going. At one point, Fillip thought he wanted more shrimp and popped a piece into his mouth. It took us a minute to realize that the spontaneous sobs and fat rolling tears were his disappointment that this bite was not crab. Ok, sheesh!!

Toward the end of dinner, Hayden let out a huge belch. Since we have two little boys, it isn't surprising that this induced fits of giggles on both sides of the table. And, whatever one boy thinks is funny will be sure to amuse the other, making their giggles self perpetuating. Fillip and I both sat there trying to keep a straight face and asking Hayden "what do you say?" We are big on please, thank you and excuse me. As we sat there being total hard asses, serious as we could be over this breach in decorum, Logan looks at Hayden with as much attitude as any hormonal adolescent would muster and says " 'scuse you!"

So much for decorum.

Sometimes the smallest victories are the greatest.

Sometimes "people" can be grumpy. Often for no particular reason, at least that the rest of us can figure out. Yesterday, was one of those days. Fillip just seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed...all day.

After several weeks of being non-stop busy, we wanted to do something fun with the kids, so went over to Travel Town where both boys were absolutely delighted by the trains. The weather was nice enough, Hayden got "green soda" (7-Up) and Logan was insistent on that bag of Ruffles chips way up there. He was absolutely determined to run back to the hot dog cart vendor to get those chips, not that he's ever seen them in our house. We took a ride on the train where the kids alternately yelled "All aboooaarrd!!" and "Choo chooo!" around the entire park. Logan's eyes were the size of saucers the whole time as he exclaimed in wonder.

Prior to leaving, we had insisted on naptime. Logan goes down like he is relieved to finally get a break from his rough schedule, and Hayden acts as if we are telling him to spend an hour in a pot of acid. Fillip finally got Hayden to sleep, but for various reasons that sleep was brief. I was slightly concerned that he would melt down early, but both boys were great. On the way home, Fillip wasn't quite a ray of sunshine. I was trying to just ignore it and not make a scene in front of the kids, trying to quietly deflect the tension. All of a sudden, Hayden pipes up from the backseat "Daddy, maybe you need a nap."

Indeed.

Lollipop Kids, Generation 3

From left to right: Logan, Sami and Hayden

The joys of photoshop!

Ok, so it's been awhile.
Work is busy, blah blah blah
Home is busy, blah blah blah
Still house hunting, yada yada yada

Like being busy is in any way unique. I do understand it's not, but that doesn't make me any less exhausted.

Logan is now in the Big Shoe Phase. He excitedly identifies whose shoes he sees "Shoosh mamas!" then quickly rips off his own and puts on the bigger ones he finds. Last night he was clomping around in a pair of medium heeled slides. It was so hilarious to watch as a very determined Logan made his way down the hall from our bedroom, holding onto the wall for balance simply to show Daddy the wonderful "Shoosh!" he had found. He was in a t-shirt and shorts with those little Munchkin legs coming up out of the shoes and those tiny sock clad feet taking up maybe a tenth of the shoe. If I were to stand my shoe on end, it would probably be taller than his knees since he is so little (and, let's face it, I've got really big feet.) Fillip looked up to a beaming face full of pride and chutzpah. Five minutes later, he looked up to the same expression behind a pair of sunglasses. Who says only girls play dress up?

Hayden is a Big kid now. He will tell you this any chance he gets. Nevermind that physically, he is also a tiny Munchkin. He wants to be a Big Eater, a Big Boy, and in no way Little. Logan is little, not Hayden. Hayden is big like Mommy and Daddy. Not a baby. Not a kid. Big. Got it? He is a very fun kid with so much personality. He was very good over Passover and had lots of fun visiting with various family groups and did a good job making Grandma kvell when he recited the Hebrew blessing over the wine. Such a little mensch. All signs of toddlerhood have disappeared and every day I am amazed at how swiftly that passed.

I Surrender

After a week of feeling not quite well, I have declared myself Officially Sick, and am home for the day. Even yesterday, I had the perspective that I wasn't really sick, even though I could barely even speak. Well, after some serious coughing, some disturbing wheezing, and losing what was left of my voice I give up. I need to rest. Work will need to wait. (Well, sorta since my boss did call me this morning.) The housework will need to wait. (Except for getting the kitchen cleared a bit...and a load of laundry.) The kids will be fine with their usual Friday at my mother in law's house. I even declined to drive them over there this morning when Fillip woke late. Didn't even get out of bed. I am home getting my fix of the Food Network, and residing in my natural state of being unkempt and inert on the couch.

The white flag has been raised.

"The sum of all piles must equal the ceiling."

Possibly my all time favorite quote by Fillip.

You would never guess I had a cleaning crew come to the house on Saturday. I had finally reduced the dirty laundry pile to less than one full basket and had the maid service fold all the clean clothes. They did and put it all in random baskets in the closet. They also hung up the designated shirts, then put them in the closet sideways, with every couple hangers facing a different direction. I have not been able to get to any of my clothes, and I couldn't just grab the pile and hang it up correctly. Last night I finally got to that, standing on the piles of clean laundry to hang stuff on the higher racks. Since I've had absolutely no time to spare, the dirty clothes have bred like rabbits, and is now approximately four feet high. I can't tell you how much I wish I were exaggerating here.

Circus time- Hayden's 3rd Birthday Party

We didn't need a clown to make a circus. Hosting a party for 45 adults and 15-20 preschoolers is enough of a circus as it is.

Hayden seemed to really enjoy his birthday party. The first thing he asked when he woke up was if we could make his birthday cake. I said I had baked it last night, fearing he would be disappointed at not getting to help. Instead, he said "Oh thank you!" What a sweetheart. Because of our hectic week and complete lack spare time, the cake didn't get decorated until yesterday morning, but it was cute.

We kept things simple with hotdogs, macaroni and cheese, salad and fruit. Everything seemed to go over well, especially the fruit juice punch. The kids just piled into the back yard with activity reminiscent of a hive of bees. We had circus music playing and it was just fun to look out into the yard at all that fun. I think I heard calliope music in my dreams last night, as we had it playing for hours. Of course, as people were arriving I was just starting to inflate balloons, no makeup, and hadn't yet convinced the birthday boy to put on shoes. No worries, it all works out in the end, despite my elevated stress level. People are always happy to pitch in, and I think most people relate to that mad dash to party perfection. The only glitch was the delayed arrival of our clown. She was an hour late having mixed up when to switch her clock for Daylight Savings time. It threw our timing off and some people had to leave before we served cake, but like everything else worked out well. It was very cute to see all those little kids totally engrossed in the activities she was doing. Talk about a magic show!! Anyone who can happily engage 3 year olds for an hour must be casting some sort of spell. Hayden lost interest halfway through the "show," complaining his feet were hot and he needed shoes (duh! We had record breaking temps!) and seemed kind of out of it. I plied him and Logan with fruit punch suspecting they were getting dehydrated. Sure enough, they perked up in about 10 minutes. I mentioned it to the other parents since the kids don't think to stop playing to get a drink.

We didn't open presents until most people had left. Hayden doesn't associate birthdays with presents, and although he did pick out a couple toys to play with (like his new trainset from Grandma!) he was so tired that he was happy to play nearby while I opened his gifts. Poor Logan was just grateful to get to take a nap finally and slept for 2 1/2 hours! The kids all seemed to have a great time, and I know Hayden did. He graciously thanked people for coming and played nicely the whole afternoon. He crashed late for a nap, and was up until 11pm, but I'm so glad we gave him such a fun party.

As the hosts, we were madly rushing from one thing to the next and I almost feel like I missed the party. I kept trying to be mindful to stop and see how Hayden was enjoying things, or chat with one person or another, but something would pull me away in just a minute. It just seems like one of those days I didn't really get to experience, and need to attempt to be more "present" at future parties. Overall, everyone seemed happy, entertained and full. That spells birthday party success to me.

Happy birthday, Sweet Pea. After bringing cupcakes to your class, going to dinner with servers singing, having a cake the previous week at Grandma's house, and a big crazy party, I think your 3rd birthday has now been sufficiently celebrated!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Hayden!

How do I accurately describe my sweet Hayden?

This is a rambunctious child. He is constantly in motion, constantly chattering, either laughing or crying. He is fairly easy to read as his body language and facial expression make it clear what mood is his experiencing. His emotions are intense and can change rapidly. Generally though, we can see it coming, and anticipate challenges.

Hayden is very popular with his classmates. He plays with different people each day, and when we arrive at birthday parties, everyone starts calling his name to come play with them. As social as he is, he tends to hang back in hectic situations, either waiting until he is comfortable until he jumps into the fray, or more commonly choosing to play in smaller groups or on his own. The prescribed Birthday Party Jumper is not his thing as he will only go in if he is alone or with about 2 other kids, bailing at the first sign of commotion. Strangely, he tends to create his own commotion. He is loud! He loves to sing, run, jump and we now frequently see neat "tricks" with amazed shouts of "Did you see that?!" In the car he asks for his Kindermusik songs and very politely to have it louder. I hear him picking up words and phrases from the people in his life whether they are sophisticated sayings such as "The fact of the matter is.." or a more casual "Guys! Let's all sit here!" He is experimenting with words and sounds making up his own gibberish and baby talk. He has a fabulous memory and can relay complicated situations to others or recite lengthy storybooks, sometimes inserting his own variations. He absolutely loves silliness of any kind. He is extremely ticklish all over and gives as good as he gets. People seem surprised that he is only turning 3 when they hear him speak. Of course, as his Mom, I would say he is a genius.. But it is true that his speech is very advanced and he is able to articulate things that many 3 year olds may not. Physically and verbally he is way ahead of the game. Emotionally I would say he is right on, with all the volatility that comes from a little boy transitioning from the dependency of toddlerhood to the independence of childhood.

At mealtimes, Hayden is generally very good. Sitting still in his seat is not his greatest skill, as there seems to be extra energy flowing from him. He doesn't want to go do something else, it is just so hard to sit in one place! He wiggles, he gets up and down, he turns around, he looks over and under the table. This is rewarded by giggles from his biggest fan, Logan. Hayden isn't a picky eater, but he is starting to decline things based on appearance. We have a rule that you must taste everything on the table and we usually don't have too much problem with that. If we put a bite on his fork and explain he only needs to take that one bite, he generally will and tell us he likes it. Then he will go back to wiggling and tending to distraction rather than the meal. Gum is the great motivator, a VERY rare treat used for very important stuff…like haircuts. He has fantastic manners always requesting things with "May I please have.." and thanking people. It is very charming to us and surprising to strangers when he is in a restaurants places his order.

Naptime at home or at Grandma's goes very well most of the time, with a very groggy boy emerging to report "I had a good nap." At school naps remain elusive and we have basically given up. He now gets to learn Spanish during naptime since his teachers have given up on naps as well. Bedtime has become a bit of a challenge. He loves his bath and ask each night "Are we baffing tonight?" Storytime now involves both boys and is so sweet with the three of us snuggled up in Hayden's big racecar bed. Hayden often recites his story to us, but is happy to listen as well. It's once the time comes to tuck him in that the black cloud comes over him and he challenges us. We've been working on a more peaceful goodnight, but unfortunately, he often challenges us until we leave the room, a sad way to end the day. This phase will pass, I'm sure.

Overall he is such a sweet boy. He is quick to give hugs and kisses, says "Sorry!" if he accidentally hurts someone, and will spontaneously give Logan hugs, kisses and include him in play. In a heartbeat he will be grabbing things from his brother, but that works both ways and we try to fairly referee them. He adores his family and is so excited when he gets to play with his cousins, especially Kennedy who is only 4 months older than him. They are so cute together these days "playing school."

Each day Hayden says things that amaze us. He as an ability to make connections that we just wouldn't expect. Because of that, we have treaded lightly in the last few days in trying to gauge his comprehension of losing his Nana, his great grandmother. I'm sure he fully understands the loss, but seems to have absorbed that something significant has happened and been on his very best behavior.

He is so excited about his birthday. When we have asked how old he is turning, the answer is always "Three in March!" We'll need to work on that, but I simply can't believe three years have flown by. My little boy is everything a mom could dream of and then some. He is absolutely beautiful inside and out. I suppose some day he will be too old for me to go in after he is sleeping, tuck in a little more snugly, and rest my face against that soft little cheek. For now I will continue since three years is not nearly enough time for me to accept the fact that he is growing up.

Happy Birthday my Sweet Pea.

Overwhelmed

I am feeling rather overwhelmed. No, this isn't unusual, but I'm hoping by writing it down, I can wrap my mind around it. There are the usual things- making sure I take care of my family, do my job well, keep in touch with my friends, and find some time for me.

In addition, we have the added stress of Fillip's grandmother being gravely ill. This could be a whole other post, but I'll just simply say that although her situation is not demanding of our time right now, it is emotionally draining. Being that she isn't expected to make it through the weekend, next week promises to be busy with a funeral and nightly shiva services. In the meantime, we feel like we are emotionally "on call," ready to run to various family homes if necessary, with alternate plans for the kids at all times.

Thursday also happens to be Hayden's birthday, which we will want to ensure is a special day for him. I'll want to bring a treat to his class, requiring more time away from the office. Next Sunday is Hayden's party at our house. We really need to get the house in order as being uber-busy, that is usually at the bottom of our priority list, if it even makes it on the list. Sometimes, we are just too freakin' busy to care. So, we decided to hire someone to clean the place, except it takes time to interview and hire people, and with so little time, it might just be more prudent to clean it ourselves, or at least stash away the extraneous junk so nobody sees it unless they open a closet they shouldn't. Then we can shift the focus to their lack of consideration in poking around in our closets, rather than the fact that we live like slobs. Over the weekend, we also need to shop for the party, meaning we really need to nail down what we need. The day before the party we will need to set everything up, get the food, make and decorate the cake (which, anyone who knows me will tell you is no small task), and somewhere in there get a little bit of sleep. All this in the next seven days.

You'd think if I could get through this week, it would be free sailing for awhile, but that's not actually the case. Sometime "soon" I am supposed to be taking on a new position here at work. It promises to be very challenging, time consuming, and hopefully lucrative. It will require me to be nearly perfect in execution, and learn things that currently seem alien to my non-financial brain.

The first half of this year is jam packed with events, and there are still things I think we will need to pass on,like a weekend trip to the mountains. Fillip is talking about another motorhome trip in June, but fortunately, he will do the majority of planning for that adventure. As of now I am either planning, or helping organize the following things:

April 1- girlfriend's bridal shower
April 3- hosting Passover seder
April 27-29- girlfriend's bachelorette party
May 11- girlfriend's rehearsal dinner
May 12- girlfriend's wedding- she planned it, I'm in it
May 12- Revlon Run/Walk for Women- I'm team captain for my office again this year
May 20- niece's bridal shower
June 2?- niece's bachelorette party
June 7-10- group camping trip
June 22- niece's rehearsal dinner
June 24- niece's wedding- again- she did the planning, I'm the Matron (cringe) of Honor

There- that's a manageable list, right?

Who would have thought this would be so hard?

I mean, we've made much harder decisions. We chose a preschool with very little time, with endless self imposed pressure to make sure it was the perfect place to leave what is most precious to us. We've made decisions about what they eat, how to discipline them (which clearly isn't working, but that's another post), and each day shape their lives with the endless decisions we are making for them. But this...this had me at a bit of a loss.

After all, how do I know I am getting The Right Clown? What qualifications should I look for? I assume it's not like hiring a contractor who needs to be licensed and bonded. Will they play the right games? What if Hayden is afraid of clowns? These are the thoughts that plague me through the night. After all, how can I be sure that the water coming out of the funny boutonniere is non-toxic? I called a couple agencies, but for some reason nothing felt comfortable to me. They assured me that "whatever clown" they sent would be great, but shouldn't I know exactly who is coming to my home? Shouldn't I already know what person will be interacting with my 3-year old son and his friends, whose parents are trusting that I will not expose their children to some degenerate?

Today I found The One. She looks great. Her website shows pictures of her with the kids, lists her experience, references and even her resume. She is also a preschool teacher with Child Development units. I quickly emailed her and she quickly responded, even mentioning that she is a "pretty clown" not a scary clown. Ding! We have a winner! She called me just a short while later, sounding very personable and friendly. One thing we talked about was price and I mentioned that her price is perfectly competitive with the other companies I contacted. She said she used to work for agencies like that and that the person doing the performance gets a small fraction of that amount. She also said that they may describe one person and send another, that they even asked her to use another name on occasion! Now, some of this is self-promotion, but I do like the idea of having personally spoken to and arranged things with the person who is coming to our home. She spoke about being able to keep the kids' attention for an hour, and that she knows how to speak with them, making even the shy ones comfortable.

Hmmm...maybe I should go to clown school.

Peas in a (i)Pod

As a Completely Non-technical person, I am enamored with my iPod. It now goes everywhere with me- car, gym, and even on a long walk yesterday. It has become my trusty companion, creating a soundtrack to many parts of my day. When the kids are restless in the car, I can put on that magical Kindermusik, which has the amazing ability to calm them when I can't. Really, I don't know what subliminal messages are being broadcast over those selections of Wishy Washy and Ring Around the Roses, but they settle into their carseats with a happy, dazed expression without fail.

At the gym, I hit on quite the random selection of music. Being Completely Non-technical, I find setting up Playlists to be a challenge, not quite worth my time. Instead, I have the iPod randomly play through the music library Fillip was kind enough to load for me. Last week I had a really great workout and found myself reflecting on the odd assortment of music that got me through it. We warmed up to Natalie Merchant, pumped a few machines to Papa Roach, hit the treadmill for some cardio to Rossini's overture to Semiramide, then cooled down to Don McLean's Bye Bye Miss American Pie. Not exactly what most people would consider a cohesive group of songs, but frankly, it was the best hour of music I had listened to in a long time.

Yesterday my new pal (by that I mean my iPod) joined me for a long walk around my neighborhood. As we bopped along, I was in my own little world. Diana Ross and the Supremes' Love Child, Oingo Boingo's Out of Control, a bit of Fillip's classic rock thrown in here and there. It was great. I was outside, enjoying the fresh air, and the feeling of really moving along. Then I walked by someone else with earphones in. I smiled and nodded as we passed, but he didn't give me even a glimmer of acknowledgement. Suddenly, I found that despite being on a public street with hundreds of cars going by, I was completely and utterly isolated. My great music brought me a wonderful momentum, but I felt completely removed from everything around me. While at the gym, this is a good thing as I don't like particularly like the feeling of being a hamster on a wheel, but being out on a beautiful day, it seems like I should feel a bit of connection with my community, or at least get a friendly nod from the strangers I am walking past. As I entered the alley behind my house I turned off the music to let the world back in. There were birds chirping, dogs barking, and a refreshing sense of experiencing my day once again.

Although I love my little blue iPod, I need to be mindful not to shut the world out completely, just now and then.

Quote of the Day

Picture two rambunctious boys in the bath, the little one with water dripping off his face, a little bit of a stunned look, and me sitting next to the tub with one side of me soaked from the torrent of bathwater that just came my way.

"Hayden, no cannon balls in the tub!!"

This rates right up there with other brilliant parenting moments like
"No more lima beans until you eat your chicken!"

Logan- 17 months

At 17 months, Logan is quite a character. He is such a funny, busy, sweet little guy. Those blue eyes will melt you in a heartbeat, but can also be very piercing as he deems necessary. He gives the sweetest kisses with those full lips, always accompanied by a crisp "mmmmMwuh!" He is trying to do things for himself, helping us dress and undress him. He tried to put on his shoes and socks, which he provides ample opportunity for given that he still takes off his right shoe and sock ALL THE TIME. Not the left one. The right one.

He is constantly on the go, moving, pointing, jabbering away. He likes to direct us and point out whatever has caught his interest. He likes to play with trucks and planes making driving noises as he pushes them along. He always notices planes or helicopters in the sky, no matter how high they may be. He seems to hear them first and lets us know to look up as he excitedly points and shouts. Because he sees buses and trains all day at school, he is fascinated by those as well. Last week he kept telling us something on the way home. We were trying to guess, but obviously not getting it until Hayden lost patience with our lack of understanding and said "He is saying choo choo!" Sure enough. All we heard was "shoo choo" which we were guessing meant "shoe." No, that would be "shooosh!" Big difference. We have also heard "obah dayah" (over there), "ahwandat" (I want that), and a few other words and phrases. He calls Hayden "buvvah" or "Daydah" which Hayden loves. Hayden will tell anyone who listens "I'm Daydah!" Data? "No, Daydah! I'm Logan's Daydah." They always get their vitamins since they know to ask. Logan runs over and points up to the shelf yelling to let me know it is time. Twice a day he gets his nebulizer treatments and most of the time will sit sweetly in our lap.

Whatever Hayden has, Logan wants. He is none too gentle about getting it either. As they play we constantly need to referee as someone is always screaming and yelling, pushing, hitting, grabbing, etc.. But when they do play nicely, they are so very sweet. Logan is definitely learning about routines and establishing them himself. I call the kids' feet Stinky Stinky feet. At bathtime, Logan insists on getting his feet washed first, proffering a tiny, wet little foot barely sticking up out of the water and bubbles. As I wash Hayden's Stinky Stinky Feet that tiny foot will be offered again and again with a little grin. For the last two nights he has sat through the entire reading of Goodnight Moon, then had to read it himself. He turns each page, waves and says "night night!" It is so sweet to sit there reading with the two of them. At bedtime Logan needs to turn on his radio, his humidifier and turn off the light. When he gets up, he needs to do the opposite. Lord help us if we skip a step!

He is such a sweetie, offering lots of kisses with an easy giggle. His eyes are always alight with mischief, and he will take any opportunity to be chased around. If he can reach me, he will reach under my shirt to tickle me saying "Beh baw!" (belly button!) He started this on his own one day as I reached over his carset to Hayden. They giggle hysterically over that every time. So do I. Logan absolutely loves music. Hayden has been talking about the Move It Move It song from Madagascar for awhile now. They play it at school. When I went to pick Logan up recently, that song came on. Ten toddlers stopped in their tracks and started bouncing their heads, then moving those little bodies to the beat. It was like Muppet Babies got mixed with A Night at the Roxbury. Too funny.

With all that silly charm oozing off of him, he does have quite a temper. He wants what he wants when he wants it! It's not uncommon for him to throw himself down on the floor in a temper, and for us to simply walk away. Obviously, we don't see eye to eye on this, and sometimes he has to just give us his blood curdling shriek until we are ready to do whatever he is waiting for. He shrieks when he is mad, sad, and happy. This is a phase we will not miss!

At nearly one and a half, he is on the cusp of full blown toddler independence, yet still so very baby. As much fun as it is to see him do new things, I am desperately holding onto the last vestiges of his babyhood. I kiss those soft cheeks and neck any chance I get. It will pass all too soon.

Cough on a Stick

This morning I had my usual weekend wakeup to the sound of Hayden thumping the porcelain seat of the toilet up. As usual, I stumbled down the hall to make sure he didn't need any "rear maintenance" and found a wimpering hot boy on the floor. He was able to rasp out that is throat hurt and seemed genuinely upset by the fact that he couldn't talk. I gave him some Tylenol, cold water and honey, then tucked him back into bed saying we would go see the doctor later. I told Fillip I suspected Hayden had strep throat. Sure enough. The culture came back positive immediately. (They do a strep test right there in the office, and the ped compared it to a home pregnancy test.) Hayden was so very pitiful all day long. He just laid around not wanting anything but an occasional drink. This is a very spirited child, so as sweet as it is to have him snuggle up to me at the docs office, it just wasn't the usual Hayden. I know he will feel better tomorrow once the antibiotics have a chance to work, which is why I am a little glad that it is strep, rather than some virus that just needs to run its course. This is a concrete and easily treatable diagnosis.

Tomorrow, I hope and expect he will be significantly back to his usual self. I look forward to seeing more smiles and spirit from him. Today there were very few smiles and the only giggle was prompted by Logan. Logan had a little bit of a runny nose and as they were sitting together, Logan managed to blow a big ol' snot bubble out one nostril. Well, even a toddler suffering from a nasty case of strep throat can't help but laugh hysterically at that!

What I really feel bad about is that I really enjoyed caring for him today. He was so sweet and cuddly, and easy going about everything. He was content to lie on my bed and look at books while I folded laundry, went down for a 2+ hour nap when I asked him to, and didn't once fight back when Logan assaulted him in various ways. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't want him to be sick, don't want him to suffer in any way and truly feel bad for him since I know how awful it is to have strep throat. But, since he was sick, it was so nice to get to mother him and care for him all day long, rather than coral, cajole and often discipline. It felt like I got to spend so much more time truly showing him how very much I love him, to let him know that I was doing everything I could to keep him comfortable. All day I would reassure him that I understood his misery, that it would be better soon. I enjoyed that. I feel like I am a little warped for that enjoyment, but it was actually a strangely satisfying day.

I Like My Car, but Not Enough to Make it a Fun Afternoon

Four hours. That is how long it took me to get home today. Four hours. Four hours on the road and I wasn't even close to Vegas!

A crane fell over on the freeway, which they had to close down for most of the afternoon. Not just any freeway- the 405 Freeway at the 101. At the "busiest interchange in the world" as one news reporter was kind enough to say in his report. Imagine, how many people drive through that interchange and now had no way to get to where they were going! This caused traffic all over the west side. When I left work I had no idea this was going on. When I noticed traffic getting heavy as I headed north and heard helicopters, I just figured there was an accident ahead and turned to take an alternate route. What I didn't realize was that there were no alternate routes. You simply could not get north from the west side. So, I thought if I could head far enough east, I could then go north and come around the other side of the Valley. No dice. Hardly a unique idea. Two hours into my drive (and only 3 miles from my office) I realized I had to use a restroom. Half an hour later (and only a few blocks) I stopped at a grocery store and felt much better. I kept thinking that maybe I would be better off to call and see if any of my coworkers wanted to go get a drink and wait it out. After all, in a couple hours it would likely be much better. However, if I stayed in the city for dinner, there was no way I would see my munchkins before bed. That was just not acceptable. So, I stuck it out.


People kept calling me to check my progress, offer sympathy and keep me company. The thing was, I wasn't upset. Frustrated and disappointed to lose time with my family, absolutely. But not upset. I just couldn't help thinking that as much as people were saying that I was unfortunate, that I was having a bad day, I really wasn't. Tens of thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands of people were sitting there just like me. The crane operator who fell with the crane, now there is a person who had a bad day! I was fine. By the time I arrived at my inlaws for dinner I was very tired, and very glad to be out of the car, but also so happy that we really are fine.

Today's tally

Activity Points earned
+500 pts -Getting my sorry ass out of bed at 5:00am (well, 5:20am)

+200pts -Having bag packed last night with work clothes and towel for gym

+5000 pts -Working out at the gym before work despite thoughts running through my head reminding me how much I dislike exercising

-500,000 -Ordering a breakfast burrito on my way in to work with eggs, bacon, hash browns, cheese and sour cream, and eating the entire thing

-5000,000 -Complete lack of self discipline in lunch and ordering the same fast food Chinese as my boss....and eating the entire thing

Not exactly the score I was aiming for.

Just call me Sally

My kids are tiny little guys, but what they lack in physical size, they more than make up for in personality and attitude. Once they team up on us, all hope of order and control is lost.

Hayden has been rolling his eyes at me like an embarrassed teenager for over a year now. He knows how to play on my emotions and can switch from charming to exasperating in a heartbeat. In general, he has a good heart, and a truly sweet disposition. One game he likes to play with me is at bedtime. I'll get him tucked in all cozy-warm and he'll say in the sweetest voice, "Mommy, come lay down with me. Come snuggle." Well, I certainly can't resist that invitation from my normally active and squirmy boy. I eagerly lay down on his bed, snuggle up to him and lay my face right next to his. Just as I settle in for a few minutes of gazing into my son's beautiful eyes he'll invariably say "Mommy, go out. Go lay down on your own bed." I swear, I'm like Charlie Brown and the football- every time.

Logan is not exempt from all the attitude. He is such a tease. He likes to give kisses, and you can hear them coming. He'll start across the room all puckered up going "mmmmmmm..." as he approaches to give you a big wet smacker. He'll get right up to you and then turn that little face away with a giggle at the last second. Denied! Over the weekend he picked up a new word, most likely from his big brother. Not just simple word, but a word filled with all the attitude someone only knee high can muster. He puts his hands on his hips, bends forward at the waist, stares us down with those big blue eyes and says emphatically "Nnnnnnno, Mama!" The first time I was so surprised I asked him "Did you just tell me no?" He got this look that seemed to wonder if I thought it was adorably cute, or if he was in big trouble. The truth is, I honestly didn't know.

Hayden at 34 months old

Hayden is growing up so quickly!! Although he is a munchkin in size, he is a force to be reckoned with. I hear him saying such big kid things and see that there is little left of the baby in him. It's like the last three years have been on fast forward.

Hayden is so verbal. He makes brings different ideas into conversation and remembers the most minute details of things that we forgot had even been mentioned. When he talks to other people and gives them details about our cars or various topics, they will look askance at us to see if what he is saying is true. It generally is very true and accurate. He makes connections between things that we love to hear. He was playing with a toy that asked how old he is and he said two and a half. Fillip said "You are almost three!" Hayden told the toy "Yes, I am almost three. I will be three in March." He is quite the parrot, and we have to really watch our language these days. We have improved greatly, but not everyone around us has. The other day, out of the blue, we hear from the back seat of the car "Fucking is a bad word. We aren't supposed to say fucking." Yes, Hayden you are right about that.

He seems to need to establish boundaries and rules, often quoting the rules back at someone. "Grandpa, don't chew ice. It's bad for your teeth." "Logan, you can't play with this. You are too little and could choke on the pieces." These days he is obsessed with being the Line Leader. I'm not sure how the Line Leader is chosen at school, but it is clearly a great status symbol when you are nearly three years old. He tells us he is the Line Leader if he gets to the sink first to brush his teeth, if we are the first people at a traffic light, when it is just he and Logan playing around the house, etc… Of course, Logan will follow whatever Hayden is doing and is happy to let his brother lead the way. A new thing Hayden says is "I already did!" As in washing his hands, drinking his milk, picking up his toys. Whatever it is we are asking him to do, he says he already did, even when it is blatantly obvious that he didn't. He hasn't quite caught on that if the sink is dry, we know he didn't wash his hands.

He is pretty good about sharing with Logan, although doesn't hesitate to grab something out of his brother's hand or push him over. The second I leave the room one of them is crying as the other takes something, hits, pushes, or otherwise offends. The other day I told them to work it out themselves since I felt it was a ploy to grab my attention back, again and again. Surprisingly, once they realized I wasn't rushing to the scene of the crime to mediate, they got along much better. No gratification in crying when nobody is listening, I guess. Whenever Hayden has a treat he offers some to Logan. When Logan wants a turn with something, Hayden quickly finishes his turn to hand it over. Of course, he expects the item back quickly, or any item someone is playing with. The second Logan has something Hayden is complaining "Logan isn't giving me a turn!" We are working on the concept that just because Logan has something, doesn't mean it immediately needs to be handed over, and vice versa. Overall though, they are quite a team.

After Logan came home from the hospital, we saw a backlash from Hayden. He was being extremely stubborn, argumentative and difficult. Clearly, he was feeling pushed aside in the whole situation and after a few days of encouragement, reminders that the "normal Hayden is a really good boy," and more than a few timeouts, he is back on track.

Hayden has always been a good eater, but these days I wouldn't say he is great about it. He isn't picky at all, just distracted. He is too busy talking and looking around to focus on finishing his meal. He can have the same bite in his mouth for 5 minutes while he does other things. He wants to sit in a regular chair like a big boy, but twists and turns, gets up and down, and overall drives us nuts without his booster seat. Sometimes the stepstool is a better solution, but sometimes we just put him in the booster. He doesn't protest much when I say he seems uncomfortable in the regular chair and this would be better. He loves to get a treat and asks for gum all the time. He rarely gets it since that invites a couple more issues like Logan protesting that he didn't get any ('cuz he doesn't have teeth!), gum getting put in various places it doesn't belong, and getting him to spit it out when it is time to eat, go to bed, etc.. At school he doesn't take his naps, which is usually the only negative feedback we get from his teachers. However, he really needs a nap and sleeps for a couple hours each day he isn't in school. We aren't sure why getting him to nap is no problem at home or Grandma's house, but doesn't happen at school.

Bedtime is my favorite part of the evening- not because I don't want to spend time with him, but because we have a pretty good routine and things go smoothly. He loves to snuggle up with me to read a story, which is so sweet. He often "reads" to me as he knows some of his books by heart, or at least the basic gist of the story and can tell me the story in his own words. He recognizes all the letters by sight and knows one or more words that start with each letter. He knows the days of the week, is starting to grasp months, can count to 20 and has learned all the basic rules and routines of his classroom.

Always an active child, he loves to ride his bikes and trucks, speeding around the patio or the playground at school. His imagination is kicking in and he will sit on the couch by himself or with Logan and pretend they are on a train, or in a truck, or in the kitchen whipping up dinner. Even Logan gets into it, stirring a spoon in a bowl and "pouring" things in. Hayden will put on his two backpacks (yes, both at once), grab a bag and a water bottle and tell me he is leaving. He keeps expressing his independence by saying he will drive the car, walk to school, make his own dinner, do his own laundry, etc… We don't let him play with the car keys for fear he really will try! He has been fully potty trained, day and night, for awhile now and almost always dresses himself. He is good about cleaning up when we ask him to, and especially good about cleaning up when it means stalling on going to bed.

This boy gets more handsome each and every day, and is truly a sweet soul. He is so friendly and outgoing that I see people respond to him wherever we are. He loves to giggle and wrestle with us, but is quick to give hugs and kisses as well. I'm amazed at how quickly he has turned into a little boy from my little baby, but so proud of the person he is becoming.

Like that's a real original start to the New Year

While on vacation I joined a gym. Now, normally, I am not a gym person. I recognize that I simply don't like exercise for the sake of exercise, and without any direction at all, I am completely intimidated by all the machines. Overriding all that however, is the fact that I don't like the way I look or feel. My body has been worked over by pregnancy, and needs a makeover to finally get back to where I was a few years ago. I checked out the local YMCA and another chain gym. The YMCA looked fine and the price was good, but the personal trainer who showed me around was so bitter and cynical that I had no desire to do anything except go get a cheeseburger and milkshake for the sheer futility of it all. My friend suggested checking out her gym. The price was actually better, it is a much nicer facility, and everyone was very upbeat and encouraging. So, I bit the bullet and signed up, earning a year of obligating myself to get my flabby butt there several times a week and a free t-shirt.

So far, so good. I went to work out the first evening, and was fairly proud of how I did. After 15 minutes of hell on the elliptical machine I braved the floor of workout machines. While suffering on the elliptical I was watching people very closely. Although I was probably creeping them out, I was only trying to see how the machines work so I wouldn't look like a complete idiot when I went over there. A couple of them looked fairly straight forward, so I gave it a shot. Fortunately(?), I am so out of shape that it only took a few reps on a couple arm machines to wear out those muscles, making it impossible to attempt figuring out another exercise out anyway. I also had the brilliant idea to make my way to the free weight room. After all, I know how to focus on specific muscles, so why use some fancy contraption to do that? Good old fashioned free weights are fine, right? I walked in and picked up the dusty 5 pound weights, feeling even more stupid doing reps with those, among people lifting hundreds of pounds. After about 10 minutes, I retreated to the treadmills. Walking. Just my speed. Familiar, easy to use. Up and down arrows to control the pace, and a nifty little fan to cool me off. In all, I sweated it out for about 45 minutes, and went home feeling as proud as if I had run a marathon.

Last week I went to a yoga class. Years ago I worked for a firm that had a private instructor in our private gym once a week. It was wonderful. The last time I did yoga was in her class when I was about 6 months pregnant with Hayden. Over 3 years later, it was quite a challenge! I did like the instructor we had last night and felt my body intuitively adjusting my poses as my previous instructor had taught me. This was definitely more my style. Although my yoga session involved much arm shaking, sweating, and some mental pep talks, I felt much more in my element. I like to exercise with direction, with an instructor setting the pace, and feeling confident and competent in what I am doing. I will continue learning those new fangled resistance machines, but feel more motivated knowing I can "treat" myself to the yoga classes as well.

Yesterday I hit the gym while my MIL watched the boys. Again, I was the Treadmill Stalker, learning how each machine worked by observing the other people there. I carefully chose who to watch knowing most of those people are already in much better shape than me. For some reason, about half the people there yesterday were senior citizens. I figure if a lady who looks to be about 80 years old can do a certain machine, so can I. I think I overestimated myself. Today my legs are killing me as if I spent the day rounding up cattle, but that is a good thing. Each time I go I feel a bit more confident, which motivates me more. I can totally do this.

Logan at 16 months

Logan is such a fun little guy. He is really growing into himself and we see more personality every day. I love this stage where they are still on the cusp of leaving babyhood behind, testing out and realizing their independence, but have no issue relying on us for comfort.

Logan has been walking since his birthday and now runs easily after Hayden. He is trying to learn to jump, a funny process as he bounces enthusiastically with his feet never leaving the ground. He loves to ride little push cars, zipping around the house, navigating turns, and pressing all the buttons on the toys. He also likes to get up on Hayden's tricycles, with his toes barely skimming the ground, feeling like he is speeding himself along, when really we just set him off on the higher part of the patio so he can roll downhill. He is quite the stuntrider, often wanting to ride standing on the seat, bending over to hold the handlebars. No fear. He likes to play with cars, trucks and trains, rolling them along the floor making "driving noises." Another favorite pastime is putting things in and out of containers, again and again. He loves to empty one of our cabinets and match up all the lids. It makes a big mess, but I love watching him. Fortunately, he seems to like helping clean up as well. The telephone is a passion for him, and when it rings and he doesn't get to talk on it (which is 99% of the time) he goes into a screaming rage. That's not his best characteristic. He loves to color and will spend a good stretch of time with crayons and paper. At school he enjoys art projects, and I enjoy seeing him with a big bottle of glue in his hand. Sometimes when I pick him up it looks like he was the class project with paint, marker, glue and glitter all over him! He loves music too and will clap along with the radio, and dance to any music that comes on. He has this funny stilted movement he does lifting and stomping one foot as he moves along the room to the music.

He is at an age where he is starting to mimic everyone. One day I was sitting on a pillow on the floor to sort through some clothes. He went over to the couch, pulled down another pillow, sat down just like me, then realized something was missing. He put another pillow down, then went to get Fillip so he could sit down too. Whatever Hayden is doing, he wants to do. If Hayden is brushing his teeth leaning against the bathtub, Logan needs to do the same. If Hayden is making silly noises at dinner, Logan needs to do the same. Hayden goes pee pee in the potty before bathtime, and Logan now asks to sit on the potty before bathtime as well. It was so cute to see him sitting up there with his little legs sticking out, smiling so proudly.

Logan likes a lot of attention, especially when our attention is directed somewhere else. He will pull us by the arm or climb up into our laps and start giving us kisses, knowing he can grab our attention that way. "Mmmmmmm-mwuh!" He also likes to quietly sit in my lap, his back snuggled against my tummy while he explores a toy. He is a very affectionate boy, but selectively. At school he leaves everyday blowing kisses to his teachers and when I linger too long by his crib at bedtime, he excuses me once and for all by sweetly blowing me a kiss then laying down with his face turned away. Time to sleep.One day while we were in the hospital, I was trying to get him to nap. I had him snuggled cozy-warm in his blankie, patting his chest and talking to him quietly to soothe him. He looked at me, put a finger over his lips and quietly said "Mama, shhhh."

This boy is such a chatterbox. He has a few consistent words such as Dada, Mama, brother, diaper, bubble, (these last 3 sound very similar, but we can tell the difference) and recently cat and Voodoo, our cat's name. His favorite phrase seems to be "All done!" which he tells us again and again when he is done eating and wanting to get down, when he doesn't want his medicine, when we finish changing his diaper, when he wants out of the bath.... Each day he wakes immediately asking for his brother, delighted when he gets to go in his room to get him. Not so delightful is his recent habit of going in and waking Hayden from a nap. He often seems to be directing a very large event, babbling instructions at several people and pointing animatedly in every direction. He is so busy all the time. He still has his funny little giggle that seems to come from his belly and will do it again and again to keep us laughing with him. He knows to point to his belly button and his nose, and recently points to our big cat and tells him to shush with a finger over his mouth. He loves to play peek a boo, and often comes over, and lifts the bottom of my shirt to tickle me, especially if I lean over him to get Hayden out of the carseat.

Logan has quite the temper to go with all his charm and we have started doing timeouts or sending him to his room to calm down. He needs to learn not to be aggressive, and play nicely. A process we have been through before. Despite his volatile nature, he is such a sweet baby. His smile is contagious and those blue eyes sparkle with humor and mischief most of the time. I want to hold fast to his fleeting babyhood, but it will be gone before I know it. For now I am just grateful to have him home, well and happy.

I'm a Grand Aunt!

My nephew's baby boy was born this afternoon. Mom and baby are doing great, and my nephew is feeling happy, but I think it is a bit surreal at this point. My bro and I agree I can officially be called Auntie. It is so weird to see everyone get bumped up a generation- My nephew is now a father. My niece is an aunt. My brother is a grandfather, and my mother is a great grandmother!

Home sweet home

After 5 days and nights in the hospital, Logan is now home! Below is the recap of what happened. A couple highlights and low lights:

Aside from the lack of sleep, the worst part was when he got suctioned. A catheter would be put in each nostril to remove the gunk that was keeping him from breathing. Three of us would need to hold him down to do this while that terrified baby would scream "All done! All done! All done!" I don't know that I will ever forget that.

Silly boy quickly learned how things worked at the hospital. The machines all beep frequently when levels drop and he would try to reach the button to make it stop. Yesterday when they took his blood pressure, as soon as it beeped that it was done, he kicked off the cuff.

Last week at home Logan started wanting to sit on the potty before his bath. Hayden always goes pee pee before bathtime, so little brother wants to mimic his routine. Yesterday Logan started asking to go potty at the hospital. As soon as he would pee in his diaper he would start saying "diaper! diaper!" and grabbing his crotch, then run to the bathroom and want to get on the potty. This is not an easy task with a wiggly boy, no training seat, and a whole lot of tubes to keep clean.

Tonight when I came back with Hayden Logan was unbelievably excited to see him. He kept shouting and pointing and giggling. I hope they are always so happy to see each other.

Now, I'm going to go enjoy sleeping in my own bed, with BOTH my boys nearby.

Here is an email I sent a few days ago:
As most of you know, Logan was hospitalized Thursday afternoon with a virus called RSV. When I took him to the doctor Thursday afternoon his breathing was visibly labored with retractions (sucking in below the ribs and throat in an attempt to get enough air), his heart rate was 170-180, he was dehydrated, a fever of 102, blood oxygen level of 90%, and was so sick he was completely limp. The pediatrician gave him an immediate shot of steroids and a breathing treatment and told me we were going to be admitted to the hospital. Although most kids his age and older don't get nearly this sick with RSV, he was much more vulnerable due to his asthma. He got hit fast and hard. (Anyone under 1 year is hightly at risk when they get this and it is more serious than we would want to consider for infants and newborns.)

Although the last few days have been terrifying, frustrating, exhausting and most of all, sad for Logan, he is making progress. Upon admittance, he was put on oxygen, intraveneous steroids and fluids, and round the clock nebulizer treatments. The poor little guy can't move without being tangled up on all his wires and has had to endure some rather traumatic procedures. The first night, even with the oxygen canule and some very aggressive treatments, he was unable to keep his blood oxygen level above 80-85%. Last night it stayed in the mid 90's, which is so much better. Today the iv meds were discontinued, and the amount of oxygen he is being given will be reduced, as tolerable. Once he can keep his blood oxygen level in the mid-high 90's without the oxygen supplement, he can come home. It is possible that this will be tomorrow, but we won't know until we see how he does. He is still audibly wheezing and has a bone shaking cough. The cough is actually a good thing as it will get all that congestion up out of his lungs.

We have had very little sleep, and more worry than we know what to do with. Logan has truly tolerated this better than we could have hoped, and he and Hayden spend much of their days asking for each other. Even once Logan comes home, we are going to be a bit isolated as this virus is highly contagious, so we will need to see which of us comes down with it and make sure we aren't spreading it around. The incubation is 4-5 days. We do welcome visitors at the hospital and at home, but understand that most people are around kids and would hesitate to be exposed to the nasty little bug.

Please understand my lack of communication as I have been busy literally every minute with Logan, can only call out to my immediate area from the room, and am not allowed to use a cell phone there. There is no internet access, so I am feeling very isolated, but do appreciate the calls I've gotten. Feel free to pass this info along to anyone who didn't get it. I know I missed people on my list. I came home today to spend a couple hours with Hayden while Fillip is at the hospital with Logan. I will update once Logan has been released.

Thank you to everyone for all your support.
Love, Marlo

Holiday recap

After a whirlwind holiday season, I feel like I was supposed to keep you all apprised of every party and gift. There just wasn't time for that. I'm so over the holidays.

Chanukah was a complete blur. The kids came to love having Chanukah music on in the car and singing the Dreidle song. Although the holiday is only 8 nights, we had something to do every night for two weeks straight. We were either celebrating at somebody's house, or entertaining at home. Usually, our kids rise to any occasion and bring out the best behavior for others. We saw this breakdown as they got more and more tired, and in need of their normal routine. However, they did enjoy the holiday. We lit the candles every night, and it is so sweet to see those beautiful faces lit by candlelight, either saying the blessing with us, or watching quietly, sensing that this is something special. They did get to open presents every night, although rarely from us. Since they are easily overwhelmed, we bought very little knowing they would be showered by those around us. We were right. Unlike many of the kids we know, there wasn't one night that Hayden asked for gifts. He never gained any expectation that he should get something, and was often not terribly interested until he saw what was inside. He did think we should be making more cupcakes. I couldn't agree more.

On Christmas Eve we went out to see the lights. After driving through Candy Cane Lane, neighborhood known for it's elaborate displays, Hayden declared he didn't want to see any more lights. He now objects every evening to all the Christmas lights that are still on. Bah humbug.

Some highlights:

• Latke cook off at my family party. Who would have thought my Catholic aunt's taco latkes would be such a hit? They were my favorite, along with the cranberry latkes. Among about 8 varieties of latkes, I didn't taste one I didn't like. Mom's husband one with a traditional recipe, but I'm not convinced they didn't stack the deck. Yeah Mom- I mean you! ;)
  
  
• Dinner for two at Fillip's family party. We arrived to find a little table set with a sign saying we won for dinner on our own. Fillip's Aunt and Uncle would be taking care of the kids through dinner so we could eat our meal hot. They actually had all the kids in their charge during dinner so the rest of us could relax. This worked out well for us only, as most of the other kids flipped out! Hayden was just as happy to be at the kids's table and was really great. Logan got Aunt Sally's number and took full advantage being fed, held and sung to through the entire meal. Smart kid.
  
  
• Hearing Hayden say he "won the castle lottery." Hayden has loved castles since our vacation in May where we visited Hearst Castle. He builds castles with legos and talks about going on "may-cation" in his castle, which is what he came to call the motorhome. He absolutely loves his big toy castle, complete with a king, knights with removeable armor and a working canon. He has been so excited and this comment was made to Fillip one morning completely unprompted.
  
  
• Being on vacation for 11 days straight!

New Year's Eve was nice. We had a few people over and it was a relatively quiet evening. I find it hard to get terribly excited about New Year's Eve for it's own sake. January 1 never feels any different than December 31st, and it always feels like forced gaiety to me. However, I do like having people over, so decided to host a few friends again. We put out way too many appetizers, and didn't even make dinner since everyone was full. By 11:30pm it was just us and another couple, which happen to be a couple of my favorite people to hang out with. Logan crashed by 9pm, but Hayden stayed up until midnight with us. He was absolutely adorable coming in to the living room with a champagne flute full of sparkling cider that Fillip gave him for the midnight toast. He was such a good boy, and I was so happy to bring in the New Year with him. Logan got scooped out of his crib and was so sleepy and confused by the hoopla. It was really funny, but nice that the four of us were together. Logan seemed relieved to go back to bed. New Year's Day was low key with all of us catching up on some sleep and hanging out in our sweat pants.

Now we are back to the daily grind. I really feel like it's going to be a good year. Despite all the ups and downs, when I look at our life, it's really quite great.

Happy New Year everyone. I wish you all a year of health and happiness.

Don't F... with my boys!

Respect is an important part of our household, and we often get compliments on the kids' good manners. Any aggression by either boy is grounds for Time Out and Big Trouble. However, we aren't exactly the most wholesome parents at the preschool. Yesterday, when the Director mentioned on the phone that her computer was tied up because she was taking her Sexual Harrassment training, my response was "Does that mean I'm not supposed to grab your ass when I come in?" Fortunately, she does get our humor, and seems to have similar parenting attitudes to ours. Meaning- She thinks it's funny when kids do all those things we are supposed to tell them not to do. She has no problem being stern and keeping the kids in line, but definitely sees the humor in kids being kids. We do believe in being strict with the boys and not letting them "get away" with bad behavior. We also think they are freakin' hilarious, and do our best not to let them see us laughing. Yesterday was one of those days.

When we went to pick up the boys, the Director said she needed to talk to us about something that happened that day. I was thinking Logan fell down or got bit again, or Hayden didn't take a nap or wasn't listening well. Nope. Logan got in a fight! Not only did he get in a fight, our 15 month old son picked the fight and took on two of his classmates. Apparently, he toddled by another kid and slapped him in the head, completely unprovoked. When the other kid responded in kind, Logan threw down, swinging with both arms, giving a screeching a battle cry that would have unnerved Rebel troops. When the teacher stepped in to break it up, he turned on her, pinching and grabbing her hair. Now, we've seen this side of our sweet baby boy at home, but the school had never seen the likes of this. They had only seen our blue eyed cherub and didn't believe us when we mentioned it in the past. So, as the Director describes this scenario, we are trying not to laugh. Fortunately, she finally looked at us and said "Now, I know I'm supposed to talk to you very seriously, but that is just plain funny!" His rather sensitive teacher didn't seem to feel the same and had to go home to shower and relax before coming back to pick up her two year old.

We left her office to go get our boys and the teacher that was watching Hayden at the time stopped us. Uh oh. What now? She said she needed to talk to us about his language. Here's where we flash back to our newly talking two year old shouting out "F-ing moron drivers!" and wondering what he came out with now. He had been shouting at one of his friends so his teacher asked why he was shouting instead of using an inside voice. His response was that he was "pissed off" at his friend. Since this wasn't nearly as bad as we had anticipated at the beginning of the conversation, we had a hard time keeping a straight face and had to really put on a good act when Hayden came over to sternly tell him that those aren't nice words!

Sometimes, it is either laugh or cry. We choose the first one.

Maybe this I'm just bitter that Santa ignored me all these years

Entering this holiday season, I did not consider that the time had come to address our religious practices with Hayden. I feel completely unprepared for this, yet the issue is loud and clear, and had to be addressed immediately. In general, I don't feel that I am militant about my Jewish identity, and find it immensely interesting to learn about other faiths and customs. As a child, we only celebrated Jewish holidays at home, but I was allowed to enjoy other festitivities as well. I would always go decorate my friends' Christmas trees, understanding that Christmas was their holiday and Chanukah was mine. Friends were welcome to join us as well as we would light the candles for eight nights. There are always plenty of latkes and jelly donuts to go around. I never felt like I was missing out on anything because I knew we had our own special traditions. Each week we celebrate Shabbat and my boys are familiar with the rituals. Hayden even recites most of the Hebrew prayers on his own. My feeling is that children will learn what we live rather than something that is just presented once a week at religious school and not practiced at home. However, our boys are still so young that I imagine it would be hard to distinguish the differences in holidays and that we only celebrate certain ones.

Recently, I had a discussion with a friend of mine about where to draw the line on these celebrations. We had a difference of opinion on this. I would like my children to experience Judaism and the traditions, building their own Jewish identity. I would also like them to have an appreciation for the beauty of other traditions and faiths, yet understand that those traditions are not our own. My friend was less comfortable with this. He was concerned that by letting our two year olds participate in Christmas and Easter festitivities, it might be confusing to them, or give them the wrong message. It was a great discussion with both of us acknowledging that the other had some really good points. I got off the phone from that conversation feeling like a very liberal parent who is open minded, ready to "someday" teach my boys about acceptance of everyone along with the value of our faith.

Fast forward to yesterday, when my approach to all this was accelerated before I had considered how timely this would be. When I went to pick up the boys from preschool, I read a letter on the classroom door explaining that the children would be writing letters to Santa, as the post office said they may receive a response back. Santa. As in Claus. As in asking and expecting to receive requested toys from a fictional character associated with a holiday we don't celebrate. Ughh. Well, I was knee deep in it now. I spoke with the school assistant director and explained that I had a real problem with this activity. She acknowledged that it is a sensitive topic and initially was concerned because they were going to be learning about Chanukah, Christmas and Kwanza at school. I quickly clarified that I am happy they are doing this and that Hayden should learn about all the holidays. However, writing a letter to Santa would give him the unreasonable expectation that Santa would bring him presents, which is not going to happen. I didn't want him singled out either by being told he had to be in another classroom during the activity. I suggested he write a letter to Mommy and Daddy or Grandma and Grandpa saying what he would like for Chanukah. She agreed that this was a good compromise, and mentioned again that this week the children are learning about Chanukah in the classroom with related activities and art. Great. Situation under control. I am Super Parent!

Bedtime last night-
Hayden and I are settling down for his bedtime story when he says "Santa isn't going to bring me anything." This was surprising. We haven't spoken about Santa, so I asked him to tell me why he said that. "Miss M said if I didn't take a nap, Santa wouldn't bring me anything and I didn't take a nap." Long pause as I absorb the implications of this. Miss M is not even his regular teacher. Due to staffing shortages he spent time in another classroom today. Every now and then, my little man discloses something very innocently that shakes my very soul. How dare she presume that we are giving our son expectations for a religious holiday? How dare any teacher use Santa as a weapon? How dare she make a threat that would make little kids feel like they are bad kids simply because they didn't receive something from Santa? How dare she usurp a parent's right to teach their child as they wish? Even if I were Christian and teaching Hayden about Santa, I would not use one nap as the benchmark by which he gets his Christmas presents. Being that we don't even celebrate Christmas, I was angry on so many levels.

Hayden and I spent a great deal of time last night talking about this. We talked about how we will be lighting candles, spending time with family and friends and opening presents. We were already going to read a Chanukah book, but it was preceded by rehearsing his response should he be threatened about Santa any more. He very clearly states "Santa is a story. I celebrate Chanukah." Now I do realize the risk here of messing it up for the other kids. I have no desire for Hayden to tip them off that Santa isn't real. It is a magical time for children filled with wonder and excitement and I would not want to rob a child of that experience. However, I feel so strongly that he needs to understand that his not receiving gifts from Santa is in no way a reflection of his behavior. Fillip was concerned about the words I gave Hayden, so we have revised his response to say "Santa is for Christmas. I celebrate Chanukah." I also spoke directly to his regular teacher this morning and she understood my concerns. I later spoke with the school Director, who first the very first time got an angry phone call from me. She seemed very upset when I told her what Hayden had said. When I asked her how the day was upon pickup she said "The kids had a great day. Some of the teachers, well, not so much."

Although I am satisfied with the school's response to my concerns, it opens my eyes to all we will face in the years to come. Our society is saturated with Christianity. While it is widely acknowledged that other faiths have equal importance, it is an uphill battle. We need to be constantly vigilant in forging a solid Jewish identity in our impressionable little boys, without them feeling like they are missing out on the other things.

Parenting is hard.