Logan At Nearly 7 Years Old

Logan is a constant rainbow of emotions. He can brighten a rainy day with his smile and twinkly eyes, yet send storm clouds to the Sahara on a moment’s notice. Scratch that…no notice given! He vacillates between uber helpful, and mulishly stubborn. He remains so sweet and vulnerable despite his quick and volatile temper. There is no halfway with this kid. He’s an Act Before He Thinks little guy, yet so incredibly observant and astute. His bright blue eyes seem to glow…often with mischief. Logan loves to test people’s patience and certainly won’t be winning the World’s Greatest Listener Award. Yet he is unbelievably endearing to everyone who knows him.

Logan has also enjoyed summer camp, acquiring that golden tan genetically straight from Fillip. He loooooves the ladies, and has several girl friends that he enjoys playing with. Just this morning the counselor he chats about constantly told me he is her “#1 Camper!” I believe it, little charmer! On our many beach trips he has proven absolutely fearless in rock climbing and boogie boarding. I watched him get dunked under by waves repeatedly, coming to shore with a whoop and a grin!

Logan adores Sutton, although he can be a bit overwhelming. Every night he invites his little brother to join the Snuggle Club on his bed, and see if Sutton wants to sleep with him. Most nights he goes to sleep with a kitten nestled in his bed, snuggled into his nest of pillows, blankets and stuffed animals. It’s still fairly common for him to climb into bed with me to snuggle during the night. I can usually predict this, when I think he is going to need more physical contact that he didn’t get during the day. He still regularly comes over requesting a hug and kiss. He is very verbal about his emotions and what he needs. It’s a great thing as it gives us much opportunity to address anything that is bothering him, while nurturing those things that make him feel so good.

 

He is excited to begin 2nd grade, and be back at school with his friends. Although we have had a fun Summer Break, he misses the friends has hasn’t seen these last several weeks. A few months ago Logan got severely injured at school. After showing off in a tree, the branch broke, causing him to crash face first into the asphalt. All this happened (putting on a show for his friends, swinging around, crashing and bleeding)…without an adult noticing. Later in the hospital he  told me "I told my friend Jack that I could jump out of the tree and land on my feet. And I did! Then I landed on my face." His friends ran for help. The result was a broken nose and severe concussion. Although extensive neurological sci-fi testing shows everything is ok, he still gets frequent headaches, and I still feel queasy every time I remember those horrible hours of watching him limp, gray and unable to stay conscious. Fortunately, his sparkle returned quickly, but I feel bad that he has to deal with these headaches.

Logan still loves to cook, and recently I set him loose with some halved avocados and a pantry, and he made the yummiest guacamole! I was concerned about the over use of lime juice, but that tang was right on in our chicken tacos. Far be it for me to worry about that again… or hassle myself making the guacamole! It’s accomplishments like that which he feels so great about and give us an opportunity to highlight his many positive talents.

Logan continues to be such a brilliant, joyful light in our house. That little sensitive soul has us all charmed.

Happy 4th Birthday, Logan.

What can I say about this guy?

He is a wiry little bundle of energy, always on the go. He is silly, creative, hysterically funny and so endearing with those bright blue eyes and endlessly expressive face. He is the most stubborn one among us, yet I suspect his sense of goodness and compassion run equally deep. He will try any food offered and rarely dislikes any of it. His lack of g's and k's remains sweetly him. He loves to help with housework, yardwork, cooking and breaking things. He is the shadowy figure of my pre-dawn dreams, wandering in for a morning "snuddle." He is a child who will seek physical contact at any given time, even if that simply means quietly brushing his little fingers across the inside of my hand as we shop for groceries. He is a boy who this week helped his friend's "baby sister" feel comfortable as she began preschool at his school, choosing to sit by her side, protectively watching her nap while his friends went to play. He is heartbroken that his brother is moving on to a new school, yet elated that he has moved into the big boy Purple Room at long last. He giggles in his sleep. He is the one who will ask if someone is ok, when something is not, give kisses when you need them least and most, and make a grand show of throwing all his Candyland cards in the air in a dramatic fit of temper upon losing the game, replete with stomping, throwing himself on his bed and sobbing pathetically. He is a shining light of happiness in our world.

Happy birthday, my irresistable Logan.

Happy 3rd Birthday Logan!

Three years ago this morning, I smiled in relief at the fact that my second labor and delivery had gone so textbook smooth, and I was holding my sweet little Logan in my arms. Little did I know what a little spitfire I had there, and he keeps us on our toes every day with those intense emotions, and his silly comical personality.

This little boy is such an imp, and is fully aware of the power of those blue eyes. He is the most stubborn person in this house, which is saying a lot. He is also so tactile, loves to be physically close, manages to move his body in the most clumsy and agile ways, and because of his propensity for falling, bumping and bruising- seems to have a pretty high pain tolerance.

A couple months ago he decided he was done with diapers and tells everyone we encounter that he wears undahweah now. He has a most unique way of speaking, that only certain people can consistently understand because it is hard to translate speech that doesn't include r, k, c, l, g and a couple other consonants. Despite that, he has excellent sentence structure and vocabulary putting together long thoughts, sprinkled with the word poopy whenever he thinks he can get away with it.

He is so excited that today is his birthday, and has been greeting me for weeks in the morning with "is doday my buhday?" Well, today he didn't do that. When tucked him back in at 5:30am calling him my sweet birthday boy, his eyes lit up brighter than the predawn light.

Happy birthday to my sweet "Yodan."

Date Night

Tonight Fillip took Hayden for a long awaited evening at Fillip's best friend's house. Now, Fillip's best friend is a great guy, but it's his mom that Hayden wanted to see. She should be a Professional Grandma for all the spoiling she does. When Hayden was a baby, he spent a lot of time there, and might gladly move in without looking back. Once she's stuffed him full of everything under the sun, he'll get to play, watch tv, be endlessly doted on, then tucked into bed until Daddy is ready to go.

Since the bigger boys were out, Logan and I had a date night. First, he had to run some boring errands with me, but does get bragging rights for being there when I bought new laundry hampers. Believe, that's important around here. The bragging, not the hampers. We haven't had any of those in years. When I asked Logan what he wanted for dinner, he first said he wanted to go out for tacos, then changed his mind to sushi. It didn't occur to me until he mentioned "watching the shishies" on the way that he wanted to see the fish pond in the restaurant. I'm glad he said something because I almost tried a new place, and that would have been disasterous! He was very patient about waiting until we were done before going to see the fish.

When we got there, the hostess offered us seats at the sushi bar. That wasn't nearly as interesting to Logan as I had thought it would be, but after a bit of switching we determined a booster seat was more comfortable than the high chair, and yes, soup was coming. He ordered a pineapple juice to drink and was happy scribbling on a sushi paper menu. The first thing that arrived was my krab handroll. I offered him a bite, and he liked it so much I had to order another one! Let me just make a list of what my two and a half year old ate for dinner tonight:
- krab handroll, at least half of one of these in total
- an entire bowl of miso soup
- shrimp roll with cucumber (not his favorite thing, although he said he liked it)
- baked scallop and avocado roll, a big bite and a few scallops
- teriyaki chicken, his main course
- white rice
- tempura shrimp
- tempura green bean
- tempura sweet potato

I think that about covers it. Oh, and an orange candy for going poopy in the potty before we left. After all, he needed the full restaurant experience.

Logan Turned 2 1/2 Yesterday

At 2 1/2 Logan is chock full of contrast. With those big blue eyes and cherubic cheeks, he is absolutely adorable. He loves to snuggle and be physically close to people, often just coming over and plopping into a lap without any preamble. However, just as suddenly, those eyes will fill with mischief, and those sweet full lips will purse in obstinance, and it is like pulling teeth to get him to cooperate. It is amazing how so much stubborn can fit in that tiny body.

Logan is a fun little imp. He loves to play and giggle. He runs everywhere he goes and can climb like a monkey. His teacher was telling me how very sweet he is in class, and that he needs to sit right up close to her during circle time. He loves school, and plays quite nicely with his friends. He seems to have a pretty good grasp of colors, and is learning numbers. His fine motor skills are still being developed, requiring correction in how to hold a pencil and colors with broad strokes, rather than being able to color in the lines on a small picture. He loves to sing, mostly the ABC's. We do hear snippets of other songs he learns at school, which are especially cute accompanied by hand motions.

At home, he is very big on pretending. This is often a game of going to Starbucks, but often short order grill as well. I don't know where he gets that as we don't eat at fast food restaurants, but it is very cute. He used to use an old dishwasher in the backyard as his counter, but now it is the new swingset platform. We are required to place our order and "eat it!!" Last week he asked what I wanted, so I asked what he had. Often, I'll "order" something, and he tells me he doesn't have that. So, the special of the day was vegetable soup with carrots. For some reason that really amused me, so I ordered it right up, pretended to blow until it cooled then ate the whole thing. One day I got to order a Pushup and he told me that would be seventy five cents! Often, once he has a game going, Hayden will want in on it. When Hayden comes up with the game of the moment, Logan is always a willing participant, letting his brother direct the show. Those two always want to be together and play nicely most of the time.

Books seem to be his favorite toys right now, and he will gladly grab a book he knows, and thumb through "reading" it for quite awhile. He drags a little chair from his room around the house, and sets up a reading area. When he has several books out, I require him to put them back on the bookshelf before taking more. He'll grab the books, and run as fast as he can to replace those and pick new ones. He also likes some of the decorating magazines I have around the house, pointing out different features he sees the magazine that reminds him of houses he knows. "Danma Mitty has dat! Dat ow-uh tove! Danma Woz titchen!" ("Grandma Mickey has that! That's our stove! Grandma Roz's kitchen!) We often take walks around the neighborhood and Logan is so proud to be able to peddle his tricycle all the way around the block. Unfortunately, he is easily distracted and slow as molasses! Last week I had Hayden stay behind him. Having his brother nudging him along really quickened our pace.

He has an extensive vocabulary with pretty good grammar. However, people often have trouble understanding him. Whenever we don't know what he is saying, we ask Hayden who can translate about 90% of the time. Logan pronounces all G's as D's (Grandma is Danma) and all L's as Y's and Th's as D's (I yike dat!) I love hearing him talk in his babyish way, using big words like synagogue (sydadod). When he is excited about something he is saying, he makes broad gestures, and his face is so expressive. Again, little body + big personality. He does try to use the word why? as punctuation, so we have gotten to telling him no more questions when it gets to be too much! We do Shabbat dinner with Fillip's parents every week. Logan is learning the Hebrew prayers and we now see him piping in more and more on the long Kiddush (prayer over the wine). Hayden prompts him through the short Kiddush, and I can't imagine anything cuter that seeing Hayden teaching Logan Hebrew.

He takes pride in his appearance, often asking to have his hair spiked. Recently, he has been less enthusiastic about that, declining about half the time I offer.Yesterday the boys got haircuts and he was so proud of himself on that raised chair, looking in the mirror. Pretty freakin' adorable to see that tiny face above the smock. The poor stylist was at a total loss when the kids started hounding her for treats, even though we told them they were all gone. Logan even remembered that the last time I took him there, I had bought a milkshake to share. Apparently, that had been permanently built in to our haircut routine, and I had dropped the ball! Getting back to independence, Logan really enjoys helping around the house with making his bed, feeding the cats, pulling weeds and loves to help us cook. Potty training continues to be hit and miss. He poops on the potty about 90% of the time, but rarely asks to go pee. Any potty success gets a treat and The Poopy Song. The Poopy Song seems to make him much happier than the treat, but if for some reason no treat is forthcoming, massive temper tantrums will ensue. We aren't avid trainers when it comes to the potty, preferring to think something will click one day and he will find that diaper gross. This happened early on with Hayden, so we have the blissful ignorance of people who haven't struggled through the process. Hopefully, we get lucky again. If he doesn't show more progress in a few months, we may get more proactive, but for now we are very low key about it.

Logan has never been a great sleeper, and since we got the bunk beds, bedtime often includes major drama. First, he climbs on the top bunk with Hayden, jumping, squealing, and wrestling with each other. When we tear the two puppies apart, Hayden settles right down and falls asleep quickly. Logan is very difficult to get down. Half the time, he ends up sleeping on what was Hayden's mattress in the other room. Last night I didn't even try getting him down in the bottom bunk, but started in the other room. Silly me thought he was being so good with no drama at all, that I would offer to let him fall asleep in the bunk bed. It took another 45 minutes and much switching back and forth. Part of the reason it took so long, was I was just unwilling to be my usual hard ass self, inciting tears and tanrtrums by both of us. It seems that the transition from his crib is really tough on him. I am wondering if the big bunk beds are just overwhelming, if he doesn't like seeing the other bed over him, or if he associates the bed with playtime. Maybe it's all three. Maybe I'm putting way to much into why a 2 1/2 year old boy doesn't want to go to bed. He just doesn't. Once he sleeps, he sleeps very soundly, but wakes very early. This morning he crawled into bed with me at 5:30am. Anytime before 5am, he gets sent back to his own bed. Today he was snuggled up tightly against me, which is always so sweet. When my alarm went off at 6:30am, Conan was snuggled against Logan, with a paw across his belly, crisscrossing my hand. It was a warm Logan sandwich and a very nice way to wake up. Despite the bedtime challenges, naptime is easy, and he usually sleeps at least an hour. Like I mentioned before, Logan needs a lot of physical contact and isn't shy about that. He is full of hugs and kisses, plops into my lap and clearly states "I want to be wid you." When he has been in trouble and isn't quite sure if the storm has completely passed, he will hover cautiously nearby until I hold him tight for a few minutes.

With all that snuggly sweetness comes the flip side. Logan has an amazing stubborn streak. Once he has taken a stance, he would rather lose any privilege than give in. When appropriate, we try to find a way for him to come around and save face without feeling like he backed down. Sometimes it is a power struggle, and we have to win. Of course, when he is over tired, he spirals completely out of control, unable to regain his composure. I feel so bad for him at those times, yet need to just give him some time alone to regroup. Almost always when he is mad he lashes out saying "Fine! You not coming to my buhday pahdy!" It sounded a bit amusing the first few times, but has gotten old really fast.

Now that we are seeing signs of spring (you know, after our harsh Los Angeles winter) we are starting to breathe a sigh of relief regarding Logan's health. After last year's hospital stay, we were both concerned that he would get sick like that again. Having had such a rough bout with rsv, he would have been more vulnerable this year than other kids his age. However, he did not get the virus, and his asthma has been easily controlled with Pulmocort nebulizer treatments once or twice a day. There was a point where he got a cold and we heard a rattle when he would breathe, but a few days of Xopenex combined with Pulmocort two or three times a day knocked it out quickly. We feel so lucky to have had him healthy through cold and flu season, dealing with relatively minor illnesses like colds, pink eye and a stomach bug. He has always been rather accident prone, and we haven't seen that go away yet. Yesterday we were about to go for a walk. We had been outside less than two minutes when he tripped on his own feet (which happened to be wearing Hayden's rain boots) and did a face plant on the pavement. He looks like he got in a fight, and didn't fare too well with a bruised bump on his forehead and his nose all scraped. Add the scratch on his cheek I accidentally gave him, and he looks a bit pitiful. However, a couple minutes of an ice pack and he was just fine, ready for our walk, and running around all evening.

This boy has always been a huge eater, and that hasn't changed. I can't even think of something he doesn't like. What is really interesting to me, is that he eats his veggies first. Meat might take a little longer, but he loves his veggies. People often comment on the volume of food he consumes, but it takes a lot of fuel to stay in motion for so many hours a day. We pack huge lunches, and he never brings any of it home. School doesn't encourage sharing lunches and says he is the one eating it, plus the snacks they provide. Independence is blooming, and Logan now wants to dress himself with moderate success. We let him struggle for a few minutes to figure it out, then rescue him if the shirt gets all turned around. He actually does quite well, and is very particular about what he wears. "I no yike dat one. I weyah dat shuyt." Last weekend I got a shirt out that says Ladies Man. At first it wasn't what he wanted. He stood there in just his diaper objecting, then asking "Who da yadies man?" When I said he is the ladies man he got a big grin, put his hand on his hips in a wide stance, clicked his tongue and gave a little hip thrust. I felt like I owed him a dollar bill, and about fell over laughing. Later in the store a nice old lady asked him about his shirt. I was actually cringing, afraid he would make the same gesture at her, but luckily he had left the stripper act at home. Phew!

Logan is such a bright light wherever he goes. He makes strangers smile, brings our family so much love, and manages to constantly grow and learn, while retaining some of his babyish charm.

It's Either Laugh or Cry, and Crying Was Already Taken

You may think I'm really mean, but this totally cracked me up. We had a really rough afternoon full of defiance and much timeout. Fortunately, the boys regrouped for the evening, but I think had used up all their coping energy.

Logan is really good about going poopy on the potty. He knows as a reward he will get a little piece of candy and me literally singing and dancing his potty song, which I think he likes better than the candy. However, he clearly feels that the candy is his due, no matter what. Often after I clean him up, our bare bottomed boy goes tearing around the house, bouncing on beds, and wreaking havoc until I can corral him in the bathroom to wash his hands and get dressed.

Tonight I warned him that if he made me chase him, he would not get his treat. He obviously did not believe me. Once I caught the little bare assed bandit, he asked for his poopy song, so I enthusiastically complied. However, he realized after his breathing treatment that he hadn't been given a treat. I explained that I had to chase him, so no treat. Apparently, processing that bad news exhausted the rest of his composure and he completely lost it. It was so sad to see him totally meltdown with big fat tears rolling down his eyes. Unfortunately for him, I mean what I say, so told Hayden to come on over for his bedtime story. By now Logan was throwing a fit on the floor about his treat, but when Hayden started climbing into my lap, Logan decided that was where he needed to be. Again, he was unfortunate as I wasn't willing to give Hayden, who was behaving nicely (at last!) the boot and reward the temper tantrum. Well, that was it! That poor little guy was so mad that he just laid there on the floor kicking and crying like I had told him...well, like I had told him he couldn't have any candy.

I read the story and tried encouraging him to come sit with us. No dice. At one point he disappeared into his room and came out carrying a chair. I warned him that if he used that chair to climb up and get a piece of candy, he would be in BIG trouble. It was so funny to see him standing next to that chair in the dark kitchen contemplating if it was worth the risk. Finally he decided to come kick on the floor some more. At the end of the story, he melted down again realizing he had missed his chance. More crying, kicking and all out temper. I decided to tuck in Hayden, then try to settle Logan. It only took a few minutes, but in that time I could hear Logan raging in the hall, and beating the bookshelf with my shoes. That was followed by the sound of all the books hitting floor. Yeah, he'll show me.

Now, this might not seem all that amusing to you, but hearing that tiny little guy exhibit such a huge attitude was really funny. I actually didn't have nearly as hard a time getting him to pick up the books as I had expected, and he looked so pleased when I thanked him that I think he forgot to be quite so mad. He did tell me once again that he wanted a treat. I did tell him once again no, but that he would get one next time if he didn't make me chase him. He is now sleeping peacefully after requesting lots of snuggles. He really is a sweetheart. Given my own temper, I totally got where he was coming from. It was just so funny to see it in such a little package.

This is a little gross

Logan is consistently pooping on the potty these days, usually during dinner. He is really great about it, even in a restaurant. One night he had to go at a coffeee shop so I scooped him out of his high chair and off he went to the bathroom, letting everyone on the way know "I go poop in potty!!" Fortunately, it is a family restaurant and I didn't notice anyone looking absolutely appalled. Mostly they smiled encouragingly and wished him luck, then high fived him on the way back. Sometimes I need to step back and realize that potty training brings all new experiences to him. In addition to anticipating when he needs to go, then holding it for a few minutes, he needs to learn to sit properly, feel comfortable and is experiencing all new sensations....and sounds. One of the first times he was sitting up there so proudly, getting the positive results we want, we heard the little splash.

Logan, looking extremely proud of himself -"Did you hear that?"

Me- "Yes."

Logan- "Dat came out my butt."

Okay...time to sit back down for dinner!

Story Time

Not too surprisingly, our evenings aren't always a piece of cake. Sometimes one or both of the boys has another idea of how things should go. They are 2 and 3 so, go figure. Monday night Fillip had gone out for the evening so me and the boys got baking. The only reason Fillip's absence is relevant is because he is much more vigilent about bedtime than I am. This is not a bad thing as better rested children make for a happier family unit. However, those ghost cupcakes weren't going to make themselves.

When we got home I guided the boys at the counter with the mixer while they made the batter. Filling cupcake tins is a bit tricky, requiring more help from me. We've done this a few times though so there is always much discussion regarding how full to fill the cups. Logan tends to err on the more conservative side, while Hayden would fill them to overflowing every time. We popped them in the oven and I preceded to "remake" dinner. "Remake" meaning I grabbed the odds and ends of leftovers in the fridge to create a new pasta dish. We had 1 1/2 chicken breasts, less than one serving of several types of vegetables, and already cooked whole wheat pasta. I added some Canadian bacon, Italian diced tomatoes and tomato sauce. Those kiddos didn't even know I had snuck in the rejected spaghetti squash from the night before. Hah!

By the time we finished dinner the cupcakes were out and ready for decoration. I made a really yummy cream cheese frosting, gave them each some frosting, a spreader and a cupcake, and let them have at it. There were also sprinkles, and Hayden managed to dump a whole jar onto one cupcake. He asked how to put them back in. Sorry, you don't. They each ate their custom made ghost cupcake with varying reviews. Logan devoured his in about 2 minutes, saving just a bit of frosting to amuse himself with while Hayden poked at his. Hayden hadn't wanted strawberry cake batter, objected to Logan's choice, threw a fit in the store, and remembered this objection 2 weeks later. He so didn't want to like his cupcake. Add to that he doesn't particularly like cake, even though he likes baking, and his cupcake went the way of dinner -rejected. Decorating cupcakes

No worries, it was a fun evening anyway. We brought some over to our neighbors and played for a few minutes. When it was time to go, Hayden threw a raging fit. I knew he was overtired, and my neighbor likely could see it too. I carried him out, plunked them into the tub for an express bath and helped the boys into jammies. By this time, it was about 8:30pm, very late for them. As I was brushing Logan's teeth, Hayden came in with a mouth full of something. It was candy- the same candy I had repeatedly told him he couldn't have. He does understand that, yet blatantly defied me. As much as I hated to do it, after putting up with him not eating his dinner, still indulging him by letting him have a cupcake, then his tantrum at the neighbor's house, he had to go to bed without a story. I told Logan to pick out a book, then wait for me on the couch while I tucked in his brother. Fortunately, Hayden seemed to recognize his own exhaustion and climbed right into bed. I snuggled him for a few minutes talking about the otherwise pleasant evening we had spent together. He did say something that made me laugh. "Mommy, do you know what my favorite part about making cupcakes is?" I would have guessed either operating the mixer or decorating them. "Eating them!!" Well, this didn't seem particularly accurate, but the way he said it was so endearing I had to laugh. I tucked him in and went out to Logan on the couch.

When I came into the family room, Logan had done exactly what he was told. He had selected a book and was waiting on the couch. What I hadn't anticipated was to find him reading a story to Conan- the cat. Conan seemed happy to give his full attention. He was laying there calmly, watching what that little imp was showing him, likely just relieved the little imp wasn't pulling his tail. Let's face it- that cat is happy to get any attention. Needless to say, I thought this was absolutely adorable. Despite the more challenging moments of the evening, it really was a nice ending to a sweet evening with the boys. Story time for Conan
Click on the link to see the video- so cute!!http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y130/mdesser/?action=view&current=MVI_0543.flv

The first number two

Despite all the drama I seemed to have absorbed due to the wildfires that are in not directly affecting me, we did have a significant event in our house last night.

Like clockwork each evening Logan poops during dinner. He makes a bit of a strained announcement, then leans over in his seat, face turning completely purple as he works so hard to relieve himself. He has always made this face, and it has always struck us as hilarious. Sometimes his little tongue pokes out to help. What's not funny is having to change that diaper every night during dinner. Since he does seem to know in advance I have been loosely encouraging him to go sit on the potty. Well, last night he did!! He announced "Mommy I poop" and I quickly unbuckled his seat so he could run like the dickens to the bathroom. Sure enough, our timing was perfect and his face didn't turn nearly as purple.

I'd like to think that this is the beginning of the end of changing Logan's diapers. However, I really don't believe he is ready to potty train. Maybe we'll get him on there for these evening excavations, but he seems to have no interest otherwise. That doesn't mean I'm not celebrating this small success. My son #2 did his #1 #2 last night!!!

So Cal Fires- A self absorbed point of view

Far away from any brush fire, in the middle of Los Angeles, I sit on the 31st floor seeing smoke on the horizon in every direction. Yesterday morning I woke up to dry hot winds and said "This is my least favorite weather." The Santa Ana winds and accompanied fires bring back childhood memories of Halloween asthma attacks and the local emergency room. Because we lived in a small valley surrounded by brush, wildfires often raged around us through the fall months. For some reason, I strongly associate these with Halloween, even though logically I know there were only select years of the hills burning on Halloween. A couple years brought a "ring of fire"- we would be unable to come or go from our little city until the fires were contained. The smoke would settle on the valley floor, creating the most miserable conditions I could imagine when it came to my asthma. There was always a question on Halloween whether or not I would be breathing well enough to go trick-or-treating, or instead would spend the evening handing out candy in my costume, pretending that I felt just fine. Fortunately, I have no recollection of ever missing out on begging for candy door to door, but it was a concern most years. Generally, I would spend the day resting in my parents' bed, watching tv, while my mom came in periodically to give me medicine and check on me. It would feel like I had a steel beam sitting on my chest, constricting my lungs, causing pain and sapping me of all energy. From a child's perspective, that is no reason to miss out on trick-or-treats, and I would put on a great act of recovery in order ease my parents' minds about letting me go out. The prize: a pillow case full of candy. The price: being absolutely miserable, and possibly in the emergency the next day.


Now as a parent, I am gaining a new perspective. Waking up to those winds yesterday, my first thought was not about my own shortness of breath, but about the wheezing I knew I would hear from Logan. Sure enough, he was coughing and wheezing, even though he wasn't complaining at all. Never does. At only 2 years old, he already has some sense that he might miss something if he doesn't feel well. As the smoke hovered in the air I couldn't help but feel so bad for that little boy trying to push air into those little lungs that are already polluted with smoke particles. Yes, I am being slightly dramatic here as a) the smoke wasn't so thick where we were, and b) he really was acting fine. However, my memories of those times are terribly vivid and it pains me to think of him suffering in the same way. Fillip tends to look at him and say that he seems just fine so I shouldn't worry. Probably, he is right. However, from personal experience I do know that being short of breath is no barrier to running around, playing and doing all those typical kid things. A kid will just keep on doing those things despite the discomfort. When I finally would get to the point where I was visibly laboring or despondant, that asthma would have a vise grip on my lungs that was not easily loosened. When Logan got sick enough to be admitted to the hospital earlier this year, neither of us picked up on it until he was nearly blue and completely limp. He has gone to school, and even his teachers weren't concerned until he was in really terrible shape. He will run around until he simply can't. That is what worries me.

The bright side is, we already have an arsenal of weapons for fighting his asthma attacks. The pediatrician has given very clear instructions on when to start up those breathing treatments again (Now!), when to double up medications and how to keep him comfortable. This little guy is benefitting by years more of medical research than I had at hand. Hopefully, my memories of those times are also a help, letting me be in tune with his breathing patterns, and sensitive to his discomfort. Hopefully, we can keep it all under control, and he never has a memory of going to the ER to get some relief in a cold, sterile place. Today he is closer to these fires than I am. I am guessing the smoke is heavy in the air and noticeable with every breath. I have to get through my day with the faith that he is getting along just fine, or that we just start up meds when we get home. It seems that some of the wisdom I gain in parenting every day is to know when to swallow the worry and let him guide me. I know this- I never regretted one trick-or-treat, no matter how bad the breathing got. Never. It's that vivid memory of childhood that now needs to work to our benefit.