Happy 6th Birthday, Hayden!

What can I say about my sweet Hayden?

He is still such a combination of young and mature. He has a well developed sense of adolescent indignation, yet retains so much of his small child demeanor. His emotions are strong, yet often he keeps his deeper thoughts to himself. He loves school, and is definitely enjoying kindergarten. An academic environment is exactly what he thrives in, while still striving to overcome some of his challenges when he gets frustrated on the playground. Each night when we ask how his day was, he will give us a detailed description of whatever extra activity was scheduled that day- P.E., Art, Music, etc... He has inherited my love of reading, and devours books. He loves being in the school library, and the librarian knows him well. His reading level is around 3rd grade, and although I don't know how they would classify his math skills, it is definitely well beyond kindergarten. He gets extra homework in the evenings that is more challenging than what was covered in class. He easily identifies numerical patterns, and arithmetic simply comes naturally to him. In his class, he enjoys challenging work, but loses focus when the lessons are easy for him. However, his teacher mentioned that when he is given the responsibility to help another student, he does great. He takes a lot of pride in learning and seems to be coming around to the fact that as smart as he is, there is so much more to know. On the playground, he enjoys playing with his friends and his social and emotional development seem to be right at kindergarten level.

Outside of school, he loves being involved in baseball or going for bike rides. He is always full of energy, yet is content to lie on his bed reading a book, or snuggling up to Logan to read them both a story. Despite his tendency to be reserved with his emotions, he is quite affectionate. Together, it is common to see the boys holding hands, or put their arms around one another. Of course, sometimes that physical closeness erupts into wrestling, pushing, hitting, etc... but mostly they just love being together. Hayden often tries to teach Logan things, whether Logan is interested in learning them or not. We hear Hayden using his "teacher voice" to get Logan to spell something or repeat things. Usually Logan is pretty good-natured about it, but certainly feels comfortable speaking up in protest when he doesn't feel like playing along. When I see Hayden interact with his peers, he is clearly such a big kid now. There is a maturity in him that stands out in contrast to past months, reminding me how independent he is. He seems to have toughened up a bit, no longer getting as upset by minor bumps and bruises, able to play harder with his friends. On our recent trip to Lake Tahoe, I was thrilled to see him fearlessly go down a giant inner tube track by himself, without hesitation, grinning and laughing all the way down. He was impatient with my need to take a picture as he hiked back up, since he was so eager to ride again. He has developed a much stronger sense of adventure, where before his sense of daring was shadowed by his cautious nature. Yet, he is certainly not a reckless kid.

Each night we have pre-bedtime stories. These days, it is usually Hayden reading to us. He seems to take great pride in this, enjoying picking out the story, or graciously asking Logan what he wants to hear. Hayden loves to snuggle at night, and have a little chat at bedtime. Although I know this is partially stalling off sleep, it also seems to be the time of day when his thoughts are flowing, and he feels most comfortable sharing what is on his mind. He will review the day or simply tell me I am the best mommy in the world. He truly has a sweet nature and loves his family.

His birthday celebration was quite modest this year, as our time and energy seem to be at a premium. We kept it very small this year, and out of the house. When we told him he could invite just 5 friends, he enthusiastically gave us a list of 5, without complaining that he wanted more. He has always been so appreciative of the small and big things, without any grand expectations for birthdays. Getting him to answer the question "What would you like for your birthday" is nearly impossible, and he just doesn't seem to think about the potential for gifts. Yesterday we invited just a few of his friends to Farrell's for lunch and time to play on bumper boats and mini-golf. It was so fun to see him playing and interacting with his classmates. They all piled into the booth like puppies, despite the restaurant reserving a long booth with lots of space for us. He was so excited to get to play some arcade games and see all that was in store for him. As each guest arrived, he was ecstatic to see them, and include them in what he was doing. The player piano was a big hit, with all the kids in a bunch at the piano rather than at the table. Pizza brought them back in, and icecream brought them back again. When the staff sounded the birthday siren and brought out the big drum to sing to him, he was clearly at a loss. He stood there politely as they sang, but looked very overwhelmed. This is quite typical of him when we celebrate in a restaurant of any kind. He must have taken on my discomfort of public celebration. (Frankly, he did better than the next kid, who couldn't bear to even turn around to look at the group of people singing to him! ) Hayden more enjoyed when we sang the regular Happy Birthday song to him, and didn't even get upset when one of the younger siblings mistakenly starting blowing out his candles. He just kind of gave her an indulgent look, then blew out the rest. Later, when they went on the bumper boats, I was laughing to see him object so strongly to being squirted, yet opening fire with his squirt gun on everyone he could. He was absolutely soaked when he got off the ride, yet chose to get right back on with the other kids. His girlfriend from school was there, and the two of them played mini-golf together. They have such a fun dynamic, laughing and sparring all at once, without ever seeming in any way contentious. There was no sense of competition to win the game, although they each fiercely defended their alternating turn to go first. When he opened her handmade birthday card and gift later last night, he went and hung to card up on his bulletin board in his room.

This morning I greeted my sleepy birthday boy before I left for work. Although he was happy to be reminded that he is now six, he seemed much more interested in some hugs and snuggles. I will bring cupcakes to school for him, then we are having some family over for dinner tonight. It seems amazing that six years have passed in this journey of parenthood. I feel incredibly lucky to have such a sweet, complicated boy. He is such a joy to to have around. Today I wish him a fantastic 6th birthday, and for each tomorrow thereafter, I hope he always knows how to find his happiness in the world.

Santa Claus is Coming To Town, but Chanukah Has Come and Gone

Although our celebratory dinners continue for a couple more nights (and then next weekend, and then on Christmas), Chanukah is officially over. As hectic as it is, I really do enjoy this holiday. That might be due to the fact that we have 8 nights to get together with people, rather than trying to cram everyone we know and love into one day. It has been really nice to spend time with family and friends, trying to keep a hectic schedule relaxed by making simpler menus, and not worrying about a spotless house. I haven't even been baking. That is quite the concession, but a needed one. Although I really love to bake, I simply don't have much time. I'll start again with the boys when we are less busy and can enjoy the process more.

The kids really enjoy the ritual of lighting candles every night, and can recognize the Hebrew blessings when they hear them out of context, like on a Chanukah cd I have in the car. They are surprisingly low key about getting presents. Getting them to open more than one is actually a challenge. They do love all their new stuff, however, and I think that is going a long way toward more peaceful mornings. The kids are occupied with new toys rather than diaper cream, bathroom soap and red chalk. Monday night is our first free evening in about 10 days, so we will start implementing an early bedtime to get our little guys back on track. The Shared Bedroom Experiment is over for now, by the way. We will likely try it again, but the sleep deprivation was getting to us all. Despite all the sickies going around, so far we only have one small cold in the house, although Logan is a little wheezy, and ready to start nebulizer treatments again.

Second night of Chanukah

Today was the kids' Holiday Program. Try as I might, I could not keep from bawling for the first 10 minutes of the show. They are all just so freakin' cute! Hayden didn't seem to want to sing, although he wasn't objecting to being on stage. Logan was happy to participate best he could, but once his class came down, he wanted me to hold him. For some reason he was holding on for dear life. Maybe he was more nervous about the show than he let on, but I was happy to indulge those snuggles. I did convince him to go back up with everyone for the last song. It was really cute to see him run across the room after the class. He is by far the littlest one. At one point, Hayden's class was sitting in back on risers, while Logan's class stood in front singing their song. Hayden was slouched down, almost competely flat, obviously bored out of his mind! They did have a couple Chanukah songs sung by all the little girls - and Hayden. His teacher kind of (gently) shoved him into the middle of the lineup. Lucky lil dude to be with all the girls! After the program parents were asked to stay and help their kids with the potluck lunch. My kids didn't seem impressed with the fare, but the homemade Indian samosas were unbelievably delicious! Had Logan not been clearly exhausted, I would have indulged his request to come to work with me. However, he obviously needed his nap and I know he is enjoying his afternoon. It's hard for me to believe that we are already in a point in life where finding the video camera for the kids' perfomance is critical.

Whoosh! That's the sound of these kids growing up.

Last night of Chanukah

Not to be a Grinch or anything...

Each year, as we get through the holiday season, we are faced with the necessity to identify ourselves. Not in the sense that I have to show my driver's license everytime I use my debit card, but as Jews in a Christian society. At the beginning of the month I found myself making the comment "no, you aren't used to having to schedule meetings around every holiday, because you automatically get the day off for yours." This may sound like I have a chip on my shoulder, but I really don't. I'm not bitter, but do feel the need to live according to my own principals, which can mean speaking up.

I grew up knowing that Christmas was lots of fun, but was not our holiday. We celebrated Chanukah, and could enjoy various aspects of Christmas, but that it was somebody else's holiday. My friends would have me over to decorate their Christmas trees (and still do!), but I've never had, nor wanted a Christmas tree of my own. I've been to church for Communions and Confirmations, but always in celebration of somebody else. Because I had exposure to these other traditions, I never felt left out as a child when it came to the holidays. I felt pretty lucky getting to celebrate for eight days rather than just one and it was always a very fun time. Now, we need to forge our way as parents to give our boys the same sense of identity, without a feeling of exclusion or envy.

The school the boys are attending has been great. This being our first holiday season there, we didn't know what to expect. When we picked them up last week to see menorahs on the walls of the classrooms that each child had colored, I was gratified to know that different traditions are being taught there. We were told that there is to be a gift exchange this Thursday and a Holiday Program on Friday. First off, seeing Hayden carefully holding onto the name he drew for the gift exchange was very cute. Unlike the way I tend to go about these things, he didn't forget which friend he picked, and we are all set for tomorrow.

The school has been rehearsing for their Holiday Program for a couple weeks now. Hearing all the new songs Hayden and Logan are singing is so sweet. It seems that they each pick up a different song each week. Last night Logan was singing Baa Baa Black Sheep for the first time. Hayden has started singing the national anthem, but doesn't seem to quite get the lyrics. I cracked up to hear him belting out "O-oh say can you seeeeee? By the dawn's early liiiight! We're so proud of Eeeee-an!" Um, what? Who's Ian? Anyway, he'll get it eventually. I find it too funny to want to correct him. When Fillip spoke to the teacher today regarding the Holiday Program, they said that they hadn't given our boys a part because they don't attend on Fridays. Oops! Hayden had told me they had been rehearsing, and I certainly can't see letting him rehearse for two weeks, then saying "Sorry, you don't go to school on Fridays." So, I made the arrangements to have them there an extra day this week, freeing up my mother-in-law to attend the program too! Before we got off the phone, the director of the school mentioned they all needed to wear Santa hats in the program. Hmmm. Here's that Santa issue again. Hayden clearly knows that Santa isn't real, and that we don't celebrate Christmas. Is it hypocritical to give him a Santa hat to wear? Is it over-sensitive to not let him wear a Santa hat? I did mention to the director that we celebrate Chanukah and she asked that I have them wear some hat, as all the kids will have something. I had to really consider this all morning.

And, you know what? I'm getting them Santa hats. I came to the conclusion that it isn't a religious symbol, doesn't have any implications that would conflict with our own faith just by wearing the hat, and I just don't think it would be worth it to have them feel left out over something so trivial in the big picture. It seems that in order to live in a society where our traditions are not the majority, some assimilation will be necessary in order to assert our own identity on the bigger issues.

Two evenings of forced gaity

One thing I've never liked about New Year's Eve is the pressure to have such a great time. Really, we usually don't do anything so different than usual. We have some friends over, some food, some drink. I'll make a more elaborate spread, then stress over getting it all finished in time. It's fun, but not crazy fun.

I think I have recreated that this year in Halloween. The boys were pretty good sports, humoring Mommy pretty well with a bit of prodding from Daddy to humor Mommy some more. See, I've always loved Halloween. No, that is not consistent with my faith, but I am not observing this tradition on some spiritual level. It's just plain fun. Crazy fun. For the last couple weeks I had been looking to find out when It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown would be broadcast. When I saw it was to be last night, I had my plan. On my way home from work I picked up a pumpkin to carve and set about celebrating Halloween exactly right. Now this all had been preceded a couple days ago by making ghost shaped cupcakes, so we were in the spirit.

We gave the kids dinner fairly early, then set to work. It was great fun for them...for about 5 minutes. The first sign of all this unraveling was Hayden saying he didn't want to empty the pumpkin because it's gross. Sure, I know it is. But..this is for Halloween! I told him he's a little boy, and little boys should like gross things and to Man Up! Then Fillip preceded to graphically demonstrate what that choice phrased is derived from and the boys sat there..ahem...gestering and shouting "Man up!" "You man up!" "No, you man up!!!!" Fortunately, I did not get a call from the school today. I haven't ruled it out. Soooo...Logan was man enough to empty the pumpkin and help me scrape it smooth on the inside. Fillip got the pattern traced despite having to stop to clean up the milk that went flying when the boys were fighting over a tool and knocked the cardboard into a glass of milk. We moved on to punching holes in the pumpkin. Again, fun for about 5 minutes. They both helped, but Hayden wanted to only do it himself, despite needing a little extra strength, and Logan wanted to do it himself, despite a pattern that was already laid out. However, they can definitely say they helped. We got a bat carved into our pumpkin just in time to quickly get ready for bed in time for It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown!

Logan Man-ups

Now, one thing to keep in mind. My kids don't watch any tv. This is not due to some moral standard of ours. Believe me, if they would sit still for 20 minutes and quietly pay attention to something, I would put on The Girls Next Door. However, they aren't even interested in Dora and have never sat though an entire episode of anything here. But...this is Charlie Brown. This is only on once a year. Sure, I could purchase the dvd, but that is completely uninterrupted, without the suspense-building commercials. No, they were required to sit nicely and enjoy that tv show, darnit! This went well for about..say...5 minutes. They really liked Snoopy and Charlie Brown, but the other characters were not engaging enough for my little guys. After all, the tv just sits there. It's not a toy that you can build with, or makes noise while it moves around the room. You aren't allowed to touch it like a book and flip the pages to the part of the story that you want to see. Tv is so boring! We were firm. It's a training process. We watched the entire show and even Hayden agrees that the Great Pumpkin must really exist, but he wouldn't miss tricks-or-treats to verify that. After all, we don't have a sincere pumpkin patch for miles around. The boys were finally released from all this forced festivity to go to sleep.

Halloween morning came at last. The boys were very excited to get in their costumes and head to school for the Halloween Parade and potluck. It was so cute to see the kids all dressed up. The teachers kick the parents out to the parking lot and get the kids lined up. Then they all parade out. The teachers sing Halloween songs to familiar melodies, and the kids come out each with a varied attitude to the whole thing. Most of Logan's class seemed to schlepped along. It's not like they were unwilling. They were perfectly happy to be led around, but seemed a little confused by being taken out of their normal environment and paraded in front of the parents. This was not the regular schedule! Some were more animated and would wave as they spotted their parents. Logan finally saw me and I got a bashful "Hi Mommy" as if he were slightly embarrassed, yet really proud of his big muscle-y Spiderman costume. Hey kid- remember I'm the one who got you dressed! Hayden came out with his class and seemed a little dazed as well. He was dressed up as Batman, complete with a mask that was driving him crazy. So, I'm not sure he could see all that well, but was happy when he spotted me. The kids looked absolutely adorable and the teachers had gone all out on their costumes. I took a bunch of pictures, and true to form, balled my eyes out at how freakin' cute it all was. They really did look quite proud of themselves, as they should be for being so freakin' cute!! They all went inside where we were allowed to visit...for a few minutes. They run a very tight ship there. Parents were told they could return at 11:30am for the potluck...not before. I had to go to work, but dutifully bored my co-workers with the pictures on my digital camera, that I just happened to still have in my purse. Logan as "Piderman" at the school Halloween parade.

Hayden as Batman at the school Halloween parade

Because I had not arrived at work until 11am, I couldn't leave early. I high-tailed it best I could in ridiculous L.A. traffic, picking the boys up 15 minutes late. For once, the teachers were very gracious about it, but I don't like feeling that rushed. After all, we had to quickly have dinner so we could go trick-or-treating! Dinner was not a big hit, as they were probably already very tired from their day, and excited to go out. We pushed for real food the best we could, then got them back in costume. They happily grabbed their candy bags and pumpkin flashlights and headed out into the dark night.

They seemed to enjoy going from house to house, but clearly did not get the concept. Oh, they understood that people would be giving them candy. However, they didn't understand that each house call is simply knock-knock "Trick or treat!" in goes the candy "Thank you!" and move on. Like a one night stand who didn't realize that's all it was, they wanted to stay and chat. They would ask about the pets, the train set, and had to confirm with one neighbor sitting on a dark porch that he did in fact have a front door and could get back in the house. Seriously, they wouldn't budge until he demonstrated that he could open from where he sat. Some of the neighbors seemed to enjoy the extra chatting, while others kind of stood their awkwardly with a pleading look to us to have them move along already. We got to see all kinds of cute costumes and everyone oohed and aahed over the adorable superhero brothers. We had gone down our street and across when Fillip discoverd Conan the cat following us. He apparently wanted to go trick-or-treating too. If there weren't a lot of kids around he would go right up to the doorstep. Other times he would stay by the street and patiently let strange kids touch him. I was a little more nervous and would ask them not to. He is 95% nice, but...

Trick-or-treating with my boys...including the cat

We covered all the lit up houses on our street. There was only one that was really scary. We arrived with a pack of kids, but Logan was the only one brave enough (maybe gullible enough) to approach the doorstep. Just as he got there a guy in a scary costume jumped up at him, making him cry. I felt so back for the poor unsuspecting little guy. Hayden approached cautiously and before accepting any candy suspiciously asked the ghoul "What's your name?" The ghoul just shook his head and we had to explain to Hayden that he didn't have any way to talk. Fortunately, he didn't ask questions. We revisited the school lesson that there are scary things, but they are just pretend. We only had a couple more houses to go, which were all neighbors we know. Logan made sure to tell them all about the house that scared him. He had recovered quickly and had no problem finishing his mission.

We were out for about an hour, and even though I would have been happy to go around another block, I think it was the perfect distance. They were clearly tired, but still happy. That 's a fine balance. We got home and checked out the loot!

They each got to pick a piece of candy, and within a second found the biggest ones. Hayden had a huge piece of blue taffy, and Logan tore into a big tootsy pop. That thing was so big for him that he drooled all over the front of his costume, and finally told me he was all done, then threw it away. Despite the giant pieces of candy, they each wanted more, and were very good about settling for one Hershey's kiss each and didn't ask again. Sweet Hayden offered me and Fillip each a piece without us even mentioning it. He scored big points for that move.

That blue dye can't be healthy

It took awhile to finish their candy and get them washed up, then off to bed. At that point they staged simultaneous meltdowns. I imagine that if it weren't so darn frustrating, it would have been quite impressive to watch. Despite the fantastic tantrums, they both went to bed without getting up, asking for water, wanted to pee, wanting to tell us something, bringing us a blankie, etc...

Bruce Wayne getting ready to brush his teeth

Maybe Peter Parker plays a fairy princess when he's not casting webs

I think they really did enjoy Halloween. We did all the things I had deemed relevant to build great memories and traditions. Some activities were bigger hits than others, but at the end of the day...I have a boatload of candy!

A Day Late and a Scoop Short

As I mentioned, yesterday was our 4th wedding anniversary. It doesn't seem very long after knowing each other over 19 years, but a lot has happened in the last four. In that time we went from a hip young couple, living in sin, enjoying happy hours with co-workers, spontaneously going away for the weekend to parents of two gorgeous boys, homeowners and homebodies. I don't even miss our hip lifestyle. Anyone who knows us can tell you we weren't all that hip to begin with.

Our "big" celebration was humble, but very nice. Fillip made a yummy dinner on our New Stove and opened a bottle of wine. The kids were happy and well-behaved all through dinner, so we decided to go out for icecream. This is a huge abberation in our schedules. Dinner is generally followed by bath-story-bed. When the kids are especially tired (after all, I'm not going to blame it on the parents!), the bath is optional.

Last night we piled the boys into the car for an impetuous outing- less elaborate than weekends in Laguna, but for me, the Icecream Queen, still loads of fun. Me might have been pushing the limits of good behavior from the kids. They were overtired from staying up late for fireworks, so not at their most charming. However, we were on a mission and persevered.

Fillip got Logan a scoop- chocolate mousse. He gets extra points for having the maturity to pick a good flavor. Fillip got him a taster spoon to make sure he liked it and they went to sit down at a little kids table. Well, Logan only wanted that little spoon, dismissively pushing his actual scoop of icecream aside as if it were so annoying. Go figure. Eventually, he wound up on the floor, in a fortunately quiet tantrum, kicking his legs and spinning around on his back like a 1987 breakdancer. Nice moves kid, now get up!!

I lifted Hayden to look in the icecream case to pick his flavor. He immediately decided on the bright blue raspberry sherbet. I got him a taster spoon and asked him if he liked it. He did, but then very sadly and hesitantly asked "Can I have more?" Poor kid thought we drove all that way for the little taste. He was a happy kid to sit down with his junior scoop of blue icecream that still stains his face.

So, all this sounds like the most mundane of anniversary celebrations, but the fact is, we had a really great time. Saturday night we are going out alone for a more grownup type of evening, but our actual anniversary was pretty near perfect. We have come a long way in four years.