Domestic Blitz

Bershecht

2012-01-08T20:35:00.000-08:00

It's no secret that ever since losing Conan and Voodoo I've desperately missed them. Although it was painfully sad to see Voodoo pass away, it's been particularly hard to have lost Conan, because we don't know what happened to him. I've dreamt of him coming home, see cats around the neighborhood that resemble him, and just miss him terribly.

I've wanted to get a kitten for quite awhile now, and Fillip has been the uncharacteristically practical-minded one opposing a new cat. However, by yesterday I'd had enough of living without any cats, as it was the first time ever that I'd been without one, so I took a stand. Yesterday I said I was going to get a cat. We went over all the reasons why that wasn't a good idea, and although they are all valid, I said I wanted to get one anyway. After Fillip left for work, the kids and I went to buy supplies for bringing home a new kitten- litter box, food, toys, etc... Then we went over the East Valley Animal Shelter. They didn't have what we wanted, so after lunch and naps we headed out again to the West Valley Animal Shelter. I almost brought home a 3 yr old Bengal mix, but just wasn't sure she was the right fit. She was understandably nervous, but unpredictable. Despite the tears in Hayden's eyes, we left without a new cat. I was feeling rather silly for having bought supplies for a new cat, when we had no cat.

After we all got home we ordered pizza. As Fillip was paying the delivery guy, I heard him trying to shoe something out of the way. In our house that could be anything, but he sounded really insistent and surprised. After a few tries, a cat insisted on coming right in! He walked in, looked around and started purring. Of course, 3 little kids immediately descended with loud voices, fast movement and some tail pulling. This cat didn't even flinch. When I picked him up he just melted into me. Within 10 minutes he had made himself right at home, even sprawling out in the middle of the floor while we got the kids situated for dinner. I immediately noticed his uncanny resemblence to Conan, but we thought he was a kitten (about 9 mos old) because he is so little, not to mention skin and bones.

By late last night I'd nearly convinced myself that Conan had returned to us after over 2 yrs missing. I can't even describe how much they look alike with few variations that are subtle and could be explained by 2 yrs of aging and being on the streets. Not to mention, I know this cat, and he knows me. It seems weird, but he just knew I needed a cat and showed up. I figured that since he was obviously so comfortable in the house, insistent on coming in and wanting to be close to us, how could it not be Conan, as far fetched as that would be? Of course the odds of a cat who was nearly 16 yrs old when he disappeared over 2 years ago surviving this long, then returning home is pretty low...it could happen, right?

So, today I took him to the vet to have him checked out and see if I could verify who he is. Well, he is Conan...but reincarnated in another cat. As crazy as it was, I had been so thrilled to be reunited with that beloved pet, that I balled like a baby in the vet's office at the very logical news that this is a different cat. It was like saying goodbye all over again. However, it is probably best that this isn't Conan. Having an 18 yr old cat would mean potentially high vet bills, possibly a messy illness and passing to deal with...and another goodbye.

This little guy chose our family for some reason beyond my understanding, but we are absolutely floored that he is here. He is so sweet, goodnatured with the kids, completely comfortable here and already a part of this family. He and Doris are still working on an uneasy truce, but they are fine as long as she doesn't get her nose too close to his. The vet says he is 7-8 yrs old. I declined the full bloodwork panel (and add'l $145 on the bill) figuring we'll fatten him up a bit, then see how he seems. So far, he is very calm, sleeps a lot, but also wanders around to be near us and seems to be eating and drinking well. He uses the box no problem. I can't help but see him as another cat, but I think that will change as we learn more of his personality and give him a name.

Sometimes life happens in ways we just can't explain, but that's what makes it so amazing.

Happy 1st Birthday Sutton!

2011-05-19T21:21:00.000-07:00

We can't believe that Sutton is already 1 year old! This year has gone by in a flash. Sutton has spent this last year charming each and every one of us. His big brothers are constantly entertaining him, carrying him around, playing with him....waking him, etc.... Some days they hop on in the crib with him! He equally adores them and we aren't sure, but he might already say a form of "brother." Fillip is convinced he also says Dada with meaning, along with a couple other words, but I'm not quite sure.

This little guy is our first picky eater. He isn't even consistent about what he likes and doesn't like. For awhile cheese was the best, but now he won't even taste it. Also on the Loved It But Now Hate It List is cereal with fruit in it (although this morning he ate it with just cinammon), yogurt, and several other foods. Current faves are all fruit, especially strawberries and bananas. As soon as he sees the bananas in the shopping cart he goes crazy! Typically, I give him a "fruit pouch" with fruit puree in it to get him through the checkout line. Speaking of shopping carts - he usually gets to stand in the basket rather than strapped in the seat. He can wiggle out of most commercial buckles, and did quite the acrobat act from the seat to the basket, head first at Trader Joes. A ...ahem....let's say well meaning lady told me "I always use the buckle. It's really helpful." I curtly told her he was buckled, which is why he was hanging there upside down, rather than falling all the way in. As Hayden would say "DUH!" As Logan would say "Mind yoh own business." Anyway...... Despite the shopping cart acrobatics, he flirts with everyone in the store, and is a very sly Secret Shopper...throwing stuff in and out of the cart.

Within a couple weeks of his birthday he cut his first two teeth, learned to walk, and got his first black eye. The black eye was related to the walking, but he's fine. Screamed more about applying ice than anything else. Teething has been rough for him, spiking a 102-103 F fever with each tooth for about 3 days. This comes replete with late night waking and daytime fussiness. So, our first normal kid, I suppose.

Despite my seeming whining, he is such a doll. In general, he just goes with the flow, goes to bed easily, hangs out around the house or whereever we are, and is a happy little sweetheart. He loves to play in his room with us these days. He likes to lie on the ground and play "Steam Roller" or come running to me to throw himself into my arms again and again. My nose makes his ribs extremely ticklish and I love his giggle. His older brothers make him giggle just by being themselves. He also laughs when other people do with the cutest little "ha HA!" He's got a series of noises that we all repeat after him. Some silly, and some demanding, but all cute. The shriek isn't so cute. He is starting to follow simple directions with a few misunderstandings. When I told him to close the bathroom door he thought I said drawer. Very cute. When I tell him no, he will usually stop what he is doing, such as playing in the trashcans. However, he seems to think that "Thank you! Good listening!" actually means "Please, carry on with what you were doing." These days we have to keep the bathroom doors closed because he treats the toilets as his own personal birdbath. Eywww!! He and Doris the Dog seem to have a thing together. He loves her! She is very good with him, putting up with being poked, pulled, crawled on, stepped on, etc... When he takes the toy she is playing with, she plays a gentle Tug-O-War with him.

Suttton still takes 2 naps a day, but all three boys go to bed around the same time. Sutton sleeps the night until his brothers make enough of a ruckus in the morning to wake him up. He has always been extremely patient about getting to eat. Typically, I make sure the other boys have their breakfast and lunches packed before Sutton gets to nurse. Some days he get's some Cheerios to hold him over, but usually he just plays until I'm ready. He loves to snuggle, especially with Fillip. He doesn't like me to snuggle him much at bedtime, but as he is playing throughout the day, he will come over to be held for just a minute before getting back to playing. Although he has plenty of toys, he'd rather pillage cabinets, trash, his brothers' room, etc.... We should ask for cardboard boxes and wrapping paper only for his birthday!

Everyday I am so very thankful to be home with this little boy. Each day with him is full of overwhelming joy. He has brought even more love into this house, as each and every one of us love and adore him. I'm so proud of how Hayden and Logan treat him and have adjusted to a baby in the house. Although there were some rockier moments, overall they have been great. They are loving, fun and nurturing to him. They watch out for his safety, and sometimes overwhelm Sutton in trying to play with him. We are so very, very blessed to have these three amazing boys.

Sutton has had a fun first birthday. He had a cookie at breakfast, a chocolate muffin at lunch and icecream at dinner. He got pictures taken at the mall, rode a little train, played at school with his big brothers and friends, dinner at the mall, first carousel rides and rode the train again, as well as being carted around in a fire engine stroller. Mommy was happy because he kept his birthday crown on. :) We all had a great time together, and a very happy birthday boy.

I can't express how much I love my Sutton Button. What a lucky Mommy I am.

Happy 7th Birthday, Hayden!

2011-03-08T08:23:00.000-08:00

Seven years ago today, the most important chapter of our lives began. All those years of thinking life was full and good, that we were tired and busy....were a total sham. The day we became parents, real meaning entered our lives in the form of our unique and gifted boy.

Hayden is surprisingly nurturing and sensitive, yet can battle endlessly with Logan. When it comes to Sutton, he is amazing. He protects and cares for him, is happy to feed him or check that he is playing safely, and gets the deepest belly laughs from that baby. Yet, he can be petty, bossy and selfish with Logan to no end. They want to play together constantly, create games and scenarios, run around wildly and snuggle up together to read or play video games...except sometimes. Sometimes, it gets ugly. Fortunately, I do see a very loving bond with those close age brothers, and it is obvious whenever one of them is hurting, sad, or needs some support to execute a game or get a bandaid.

In school, Hayden absolutely LOVES tetherball. We hear endless analysis of the different types of tetherball hits and who won that day. By his account, he is probably the 2nd or 3rd best player out there, losing only to older kids most of the time. In class, he is wonderful. He thrives on academic work, usually finishing first as is his goal. He reads at a 3rd or 4th grade level, and we often tell him that walking to the car or sitting in the bathroom for an hour isn't the appropriate time to be reading. We let him know settling in with a good book for an afternoon rest is much better. He escapes to a world of fiction, and I totally get it. Having been "that" kid, I'm so glad he loves stories, as it will be a gift he will enjoy his entire life.

Enough with the camera Mommy!

He is very excited today about his big Seventh Birthday! The celebration has begun with me getting up early to make his favorite breakfast of french toast. About 4 dozen cupakes are ready to go for school and baseball today. Sunday we will be having a party for his friends at a mini-golf place. These 7 years seem to have flown by with so many losses and new arrivals in our lives. Through it all, we have had the wonderful blessing of a child who loves to say I am the Best Mommy In the Whole World, and who still likes a good snuggle and a kiss. He has a funny sense of humor, gets our sarcastic wit and enjoys a good pun. Before long, he will be unknowingly breaking hearts with a shake of that silky hair and a gaze from those gorgeous green eyes. That smile will set many hearts aflutter, as it does mine. How very blessed we are to parent this sweet, complex child.

I'll smile for your picture, but it won't interrupt me getting
more Chuck E. Cheese tokens. There are tickets to be won!

Brain dump

2011-02-24T22:02:00.000-08:00

Time marches on. I guess a quarterly update is a big improvement over my recent rate of blog entries. Our trio of rascals is quite a handful. They are a tightknit bunch, even at these young ages. I thought I'd dump an update out of my brain. Took so long, very little editing is going to happen. :)

Hayden (nearly 7 years old)-

Hayden is having a wonderful 1st grade year. He adores his teacher and is thriving in her class. He loves the academic challenges of having a homework packet that covers the whole week and the control he can exercise over how much to complete each day, the timed "math skills" quizzes he takes each week, and her phenominal positive reinforcement/reward system that prevades every aspect of her class on and individual and team basis.

When on the playground, his favorite sport is tetherball, alternated (on a very specific schedule he created) with kickball. We get long, detailed explanations of the rules and finer points of tetherball. Hayden is eagerly awaiting the magical day Logan enters 1st grade, thereby earning access to the Big Yard and ready to have the Secrets of Tetherball revealed like ancient wisdom passed down by older brothers. He is also playing baseball in the Pinto division again. We are so proud of the consistent improvement he makes by applying his attention and practice to the game. Another favorite pastime continues to be having his nose buried in a book. It's not uncommon for him to find time over the weekend to relax on his bed with a new story for an hour or so. We make sure Logan respects that time, despite his constant need for interaction.

Hayden is a good big brother to Logan, with all the bickering that comes with siblings close in age. However, he is absolutely wonderful with Sutton. He is so caring and fun with that baby, it's hard to believe he isn't even 7 years old yet. He shows a high level of responsibility for the baby, very rarely showing any sign of impatience. I've often heard people talk about the bond between the oldest and youngest and we will definitely have to be mindful the keep Logan feeling enmeshed in this dynamic. Hayden continues to be very sweet and flattering, often telling me I'm "The Best Mommy in the Whole World."

One thing that is new this year is a sense of self consciousness and fear of being teased. Kids his age already do that and he makes much effort to avoid it. It breaks my heart to think of him being teased, yet I know it is one of life's harder lessons. It doesn't seem to happen particularly often, and we try to talk to him and give him tools to handle typical playground smack.

Logan (5 1/2 years old)-

Logan loves being in kindergarten. He has made so many new friends and shown a huge leap in maturity in just the last few months. He catches on to academic concepts quickly, and his penmanship was held up as an example of how nicely a boy can write. He also talks CONSTANTLY in class and it is difficult to get him to stay on task. When it comes to doing his homework, it is no different. Just getting a pencil and sitting down is a project, and we are working on a sticker chart/reward system to get this in line. We are starting to see some improvement as he realizes the benefits of making the right choices, but it is an uphill battle. Despite our belief in strict discipline, we don't want him feeling bad all the time, so are trying make sure to frequently "catch him being good" and praise, praise, praise!

He remains such a great helper, seeking out ways to participate in household chores with me. He still needs so much physical affection and snuggling and is a very sensitive soul. Lately, when he hurts himself, he immediately gets mad that nobody cares about him, but doesn't actually give us a chance to ask if he is ok. This has been a tough year on him and we see it come out in different ways. Until about a week ago, he was still coming into bed with me a couple times a week to snuggle.

He is very protective of Sutton, loves to play with him, but more likely to get a little annoyed. Logan remains an early riser, which I suspect will never change. So long as he learns not to wake the neighborhood, or even our house, we will be very happy. Despite rising so early, he wakes up chipper as can be, singing and dancing, an irrepressible ray of singing sunshine. He is also playing baseball in the Shetland division. We've seen great strides from him already this season with him really improving his skills. Once he focuses, he does great. Although the boys both chose baseball over soccer, I sometimes feel like soccer would be better. All that time sitting in the dugout or on the field gets boring for a little kid!

Sutton (9 months)- Adorable. He is absolutely adorable. Sutton continues to be more charming everyday. He has a way of singling someone out, then engaging them in laughter and fun noises. Whether it is me or Fillip chasing him around the kitchen counter yelling "Peek a Boo!" around each bend, or cracking up at his brothers' antics in the car, he is truly a little bundle of pure joy. He cruises all over the place, briefly letting go to move to something else, or sitting down in a controlled balanced movement. He walks with a pushtoy, much to his delight. He will even walk with us holding just one hand. Because he fell backward and bumped his head the first couple times he stood independently, he is very cautious about that. Fine by me as I don't need my 9 month old walking! Playing in his brothers' room is a favorite pastime. There's all kinds of interesting stuff in there! Pushing little cars around is fun, but nothing compares to obtaining a real phone or television remote. If he sees one nearby, he will do everything in his power to reach it, straining, stretching, going on tiptoes...whatever he can to get it. It's very funny to watch such a tiny person with so much determination.

Last month he gave up his late night meal and now goes to bed around the same time as the other boys. This makes bedtime a bit hectic, but frees up the evening. He still takes 2-3 naps each day, with the longest one being in the late morning if we are home. If we are out, he rarely sleeps even if it means staying up all day long. He has to be pretty zonked to sleep in public, and it is usually just a powernap. He flirts endlessly with the other parents at school pickup and has a reputation for his beaming smiles and sparkling blue eyes. He is an excellent eater, having never refused anything until yesterday. Peas were definitely not acceptable. That was clear. Today I saw him clapping, but he still doesn't do it on cue. He does know where everyone's noses are, although when that game began, he thought any nose was the one on Fillip's face. Where's Logan's nose? He'd look for Fillip. That's been straightened out, but I can't seem to teach him his own nose.

For awhile now he has really enjoyed storytime. About 3 months ago, we were on the couch and his Goodnight Moon book was behind me. He crawled up me and grabbed it from over my shoulder. Then he handed it to me and settled back down into my lap, clearly "asking" for a story. He listened to the entire book. I said to Fillip "Did he just ask for a story." Fillip- "Um...yeah. I think he did." He still loves that book, and gets a big grin as soon as he hears the first couple lines. He loves to turn the pages and look at the book every which way. Often, he will sit on the couch when I read to the others, but usually gets restless and disruptive after a few minutes.

Yesterday he discovered the kitchen trashcans. Today he discovered how to open the oven warming drawer. Yikes. He is into everything! No teeth yet, which is fine by this nursing mommy. Once he gets tired, he likes to snuggle in our arms for a few minutes before going to sleep. I think Fillip puts him to sleep before putting him in his crib. I put him down awake, and he falls asleep pretty quickly. However, last weekend while in Lake Tahoe, I put him down for his nap and he tricked me. He cried for a few minutes, then quieted down as usual. When I went in awhile later, he was just sitting quietly playing with a toy! He adores his brothers more than anyone, and giggles endlessly at their silliness. When they are at school, Doris the Dog is a weak substitute, although today they were playing tug-o-war with her rope toy. It was unbelievably cute.

Doris- Oh yeah. We got a dog. Not my brightest idea, but it does make me more secure when Fillip isn't home. She is very sweet, is learning some manners, very trainable, and a total pain in my ass. But..did I mention she is sweet? So, at least she's got that goin' for her. She's a 2 year old pound puppy with great potential.

Mary Kay- I'm still plugging along with my Mary Kay business. Finding a work/parent/wife balance is extremely challenging. Time management even more so. However, when I find the time to put into it, the rewards are immediate and I truly enjoy it. I'm working toward earning my first free car this summer, with Directorship shortly after that. Free facial anyone? Seriously...anyone? :)

General- In the last few months we enjoyed Chanukah with family and friends, celebrated New Year's at home with some ridiculously sticky silly string, made it through 3 long weeks of Winter Break, and took a trip to Lake Tahoe.

Nobody is going to call me a Domestic Diva, but our family does run better with me home. Being gone 12 hours a day would never work for us at this point. Fillip is working endless hours and our brood needs me here. Despite getting back 60 hours a week from Corporate America, I find myself with no spare time. My priorties are so different now, and a highlight of my day was the amazing results achieved from my new steam mop. Silly, but this family is lucky they weren't eating supper off my environmentally friendly sanitized floors!

Seems like I am running out to pick up the kids after I just dropped them off. Not unique, I know and I am NOT complaining. But, I am tired and still looking to hit a groove of running a family, running our house, and running a business while simultaneously getting the dog out of my way and enjoying the blessings of each day. All in all, I feel extremely lucky for all that I have.

Apparently this August post never got published

2010-12-25T21:01:00.000-08:00

Clearly, blogging has not made my list of priorities in the last few months! So, I'll try to summarize a few things that I want to remember for posterity.

The last few months of my pregnancy were fairly uneventful. Although I was tired and uncomfortable, it was the best part of the pregnancy. I attempted to mindfully enjoy being pregnant, knowing it was the last time I would experience the wonder of a new life growing inside me. Of course, that was challenging, as our baseball season was all-consuming with the boys on different teams, Fillip being Assistant Coach on one team and Manager on the other, and me holding a board position as T-Ball Division Coordinator. All this in addition to both holding down jobs and each getting a business up and running while keeping the kids up to date with school commitments!

Family Update at Long Last

2010-12-24T21:45:00.001-08:00

Turns out, it isn't so easy for me to blog with three kids and a new business. I had imagined myself being this Domestic Superwoman if I could be home, but there is much room for improvement! Being that my last post was when I was 7 months pregnant, I'm going to try to just hit some highlights since then. I'm forgetting and/or leaving out a million details, but it's better than nothing. It is rather Sutton-centric, but that is how I've tracked our last few months. Don't worry - the bigger boys are faring just fine!

May 19th- After 3 nights of prodromal labor, holding onto the fence at Hayden's baseball game while laboring, laboring at dinner, then all night and morning at the hospital - Sutton Joshua entered our lives! He is a perfect, healthy beautiful baby boy. From the start, Sutton has been an easygoing, natural addition to our family. His big brothers absolutely adore him. When they came to visit in the hospital a few hours after his birth, they both climbed on the bed with me and asked to hold him. Logan carefully took him, held him for about two minutes, then handed him back. Hayden snuggled him for quite awhile, quietly kissing his face and rubbing his own cheek on Sutton's soft downy hair. I will cherish that memory always.

Sutton 2 months old - By two months, Sutton had started sleeping the night. There was no sign of colic, which was a huge relief! He is oh so patient, wakes up cheerful and smiling to see everyone. He is sleeping in our bed much more often than agreed upon, but given it is my last baby and I'm the one tending him 24/7, I've rocked the boat a bit and love it. Otherwise, he sleeps in the bassinet next to our bed. For some reason at this age he reject Fillip completely for a couple weeks. Without rhyme or reason he would cry whenever Fillip came near. With an equal lack of rationality, Fillip then became his favorite person. He loves to sit in his Bumbo seat and watch everything that is going on. During meals, we put it on the table, and he distracts his brothers by flirting with them one by one. A friend's 3 year old daughter gave him a little "Silky Bear" lovey, and he took to it right away.

Watching his brothers play in the pool

Sutton 3 months old - At this point, we get lots and lots of smiles and giggles, but mostly only for his brothers. He babbles a bit with a "ollie ollie ollie" sound, among others. We hit the road on a 3300 mile roadtrip to Anacortes, WA. Along the way we tour the Pacific Northwest and the kids are full of questions about volcanoes and islands. Although there was much travel weariness, it was a great trip with wonderful sightseeing. Most of all, we got to visit with many people we love. The boys handled it very well, although it was madness every single time we checked into a hotel. Sutton stopped sleeping the night since he had to spend so much time sleeping while driving during the day. I'll try to journal our trip best as possible at some point. On our trip, we celebrated Logan's 5th birthday by going to the Portland Zoo and Oregon State Fair. He chose to forgoe a party to celebrate with our Davis, CA friends.

Fort Bragg, CA

Sausalito, CA (I think)

Portland Zoo on Logan's 5th Birthday
September 3, 2010
Oregon State Fair on Logan's 5th Birthday
September 3, 2010

Sutton 4 months old - Rolling is the best mode of movement now. He loves to play with toys and grabs for them. He now throws himself out of the Bumbo seat so that has been put away. Sleeping is better, but not consistent. He now sleeps in his crib in his room, which is bittersweet for me. After a very uncharacteristic 30 minute crying spell, a trip to the doctor resulted in a reflux diagnosis. He feels much better now that he has medicine. He is growing by leaps and bounds, and continues to be our largest kids by far at each milestone. He is still adored by his older brothers. Logan has started kindergarten and Hayden is now in 1st grade. They love their teachers and going to school, making lots of new friends and seeing old ones as well. Logan is struggling with some resentment regarding Sutton, but is dealing with it. He remains loving to the baby, while lashing out verbally at us. Fortunately, is able to express what is bothering him and we spend time talking about it. Hayden mildly experiences this, but doesn't seem to struggle with it as much. Baseball is back in full swing and the boys have each moved up a division. They are doing great, and we are so proud of them. Silky Bear was briefly lost, and a replacement purchased. The replacement was rejected, and we got to see how attached he had been. Fortunately, Silky Bear was found.

Sutton 5 months old - Crawling is now the best mode of getting around. It is a funny inchworm type of motion, but gets him where he wants to be. Food us a new addition and he loves to eat! He remains such a sweet, chipper kid. One of his favorite noises is a growling sound that he seems to direct at people with a twinkle in his eye. Because he has started eating, he now sits in the high chair. We see lots of waving, but it doesn't seem very voluntary, unless it is just expressing excitement. He continues to be so patient within our busy lifestyle. We make the decision that I will not be returning to my job after maternity leave, and am ramping up my Mary Kay business. It is such a joy to get to pick up my kids from school, know the other families and be involved with their classes. There is a great deal of stress for me to find balance to care for our family, keep the house clean and stocked and build my business. I'm not a wild success, but am doing my darndest to get there. Halloween was lots of fun with Hayden as Darth Vader, Logan as a Power Ranger, and Sutton as a Happy California Cow. I didn't get a good pic of the older two in costume, unfortunately.

Sutton 6 months old - It's so fun to stand up in the crib! Our silly guy now stands up on everything, and is so proud of himself. I am now mindful to lock the glider rocker chair, and lift up the footstool to avoid smushed fingers and excessive toppling over. When he does fall down, whether he hurts himself or not, he lies prone on his back waiting for someone to pick him up. It's like he plays oppossum with his eyes open, and it cracks us up. He eats a variety of foods, and hasn't tried one yet that he doesn't like. He loves "baby puffs" and is very loud and demanding, squeezing his little fists open and closed when he sees them or wants more of those or any food. The high chair is no longer an option, as he Houdinis right out of the straps and stands up. Our booster seat is much more secure for him. He is now going through separation anxiety with me and a bit with Fillip. However, he regroups quickly once distracted. He continues to growl on cue, but the babbling disappeared several weeks ago. Silky Bear is lost, likely for good.

Sutton 7 months old - He is starting to clap his hands together involuntarily, although there was one day he was doing it on purpose as we cheered him on. He makes a clicking sound with his tongue and raspberry noises. The separation anxiety continues, but it seems a bit better. He is so engaging and seeks out his brothers as much as possible. He is so happy to just play in their room near them, or stand at the couch while they watch tv. He knows his way around the house and crawls all over. Silky Bear II seems to be more accepted these days, especially when he is particularly tired.

Our family truly feels complete with Sutton's arrival. Although each busy day is challenging, it seems like our household has never been happier. I can't express how blessed I feel to have my husband, and three perfect boys.

THANKSGIVING 2010

Happy 6th Birthday, Hayden!

2010-03-08T09:15:00.000-08:00

What can I say about my sweet Hayden?

He is still such a combination of young and mature. He has a well developed sense of adolescent indignation, yet retains so much of his small child demeanor. His emotions are strong, yet often he keeps his deeper thoughts to himself. He loves school, and is definitely enjoying kindergarten. An academic environment is exactly what he thrives in, while still striving to overcome some of his challenges when he gets frustrated on the playground. Each night when we ask how his day was, he will give us a detailed description of whatever extra activity was scheduled that day- P.E., Art, Music, etc... He has inherited my love of reading, and devours books. He loves being in the school library, and the librarian knows him well. His reading level is around 3rd grade, and although I don't know how they would classify his math skills, it is definitely well beyond kindergarten. He gets extra homework in the evenings that is more challenging than what was covered in class. He easily identifies numerical patterns, and arithmetic simply comes naturally to him. In his class, he enjoys challenging work, but loses focus when the lessons are easy for him. However, his teacher mentioned that when he is given the responsibility to help another student, he does great. He takes a lot of pride in learning and seems to be coming around to the fact that as smart as he is, there is so much more to know. On the playground, he enjoys playing with his friends and his social and emotional development seem to be right at kindergarten level.

Outside of school, he loves being involved in baseball or going for bike rides. He is always full of energy, yet is content to lie on his bed reading a book, or snuggling up to Logan to read them both a story. Despite his tendency to be reserved with his emotions, he is quite affectionate. Together, it is common to see the boys holding hands, or put their arms around one another. Of course, sometimes that physical closeness erupts into wrestling, pushing, hitting, etc... but mostly they just love being together. Hayden often tries to teach Logan things, whether Logan is interested in learning them or not. We hear Hayden using his "teacher voice" to get Logan to spell something or repeat things. Usually Logan is pretty good-natured about it, but certainly feels comfortable speaking up in protest when he doesn't feel like playing along. When I see Hayden interact with his peers, he is clearly such a big kid now. There is a maturity in him that stands out in contrast to past months, reminding me how independent he is. He seems to have toughened up a bit, no longer getting as upset by minor bumps and bruises, able to play harder with his friends. On our recent trip to Lake Tahoe, I was thrilled to see him fearlessly go down a giant inner tube track by himself, without hesitation, grinning and laughing all the way down. He was impatient with my need to take a picture as he hiked back up, since he was so eager to ride again. He has developed a much stronger sense of adventure, where before his sense of daring was shadowed by his cautious nature. Yet, he is certainly not a reckless kid.

Each night we have pre-bedtime stories. These days, it is usually Hayden reading to us. He seems to take great pride in this, enjoying picking out the story, or graciously asking Logan what he wants to hear. Hayden loves to snuggle at night, and have a little chat at bedtime. Although I know this is partially stalling off sleep, it also seems to be the time of day when his thoughts are flowing, and he feels most comfortable sharing what is on his mind. He will review the day or simply tell me I am the best mommy in the world. He truly has a sweet nature and loves his family.

His birthday celebration was quite modest this year, as our time and energy seem to be at a premium. We kept it very small this year, and out of the house. When we told him he could invite just 5 friends, he enthusiastically gave us a list of 5, without complaining that he wanted more. He has always been so appreciative of the small and big things, without any grand expectations for birthdays. Getting him to answer the question "What would you like for your birthday" is nearly impossible, and he just doesn't seem to think about the potential for gifts. Yesterday we invited just a few of his friends to Farrell's for lunch and time to play on bumper boats and mini-golf. It was so fun to see him playing and interacting with his classmates. They all piled into the booth like puppies, despite the restaurant reserving a long booth with lots of space for us. He was so excited to get to play some arcade games and see all that was in store for him. As each guest arrived, he was ecstatic to see them, and include them in what he was doing. The player piano was a big hit, with all the kids in a bunch at the piano rather than at the table. Pizza brought them back in, and icecream brought them back again. When the staff sounded the birthday siren and brought out the big drum to sing to him, he was clearly at a loss. He stood there politely as they sang, but looked very overwhelmed. This is quite typical of him when we celebrate in a restaurant of any kind. He must have taken on my discomfort of public celebration. (Frankly, he did better than the next kid, who couldn't bear to even turn around to look at the group of people singing to him! ) Hayden more enjoyed when we sang the regular Happy Birthday song to him, and didn't even get upset when one of the younger siblings mistakenly starting blowing out his candles. He just kind of gave her an indulgent look, then blew out the rest. Later, when they went on the bumper boats, I was laughing to see him object so strongly to being squirted, yet opening fire with his squirt gun on everyone he could. He was absolutely soaked when he got off the ride, yet chose to get right back on with the other kids. His girlfriend from school was there, and the two of them played mini-golf together. They have such a fun dynamic, laughing and sparring all at once, without ever seeming in any way contentious. There was no sense of competition to win the game, although they each fiercely defended their alternating turn to go first. When he opened her handmade birthday card and gift later last night, he went and hung to card up on his bulletin board in his room.

This morning I greeted my sleepy birthday boy before I left for work. Although he was happy to be reminded that he is now six, he seemed much more interested in some hugs and snuggles. I will bring cupcakes to school for him, then we are having some family over for dinner tonight. It seems amazing that six years have passed in this journey of parenthood. I feel incredibly lucky to have such a sweet, complicated boy. He is such a joy to to have around. Today I wish him a fantastic 6th birthday, and for each tomorrow thereafter, I hope he always knows how to find his happiness in the world.

Life kicks mundanity's butt

2010-02-19T13:52:00.000-08:00

Mundane, my ass. Since that last post, this pregnancy has become "complicated," we have become petless (Conan disappeared, and Voodoo passed away), gone from me lying down 24/7 to gearing back up to having time for about 5 hours of sleep of day, cancelled a trip, taken a trip and jumped head first back into a schedule that is just ridiculous.

The last post sounds oh so peaceful about a routine pregnancy, with just the morning sickness extended, but finally waning. Exercise on the horizon! Hah! I must have jinxed myself. The very next week I landed my ass on the couch on strict bedrest, with strong contractions 5-8 minutes apart round the clock. It was 4 weeks of concern, frustration, and not enough reading material. This encompassed the holiday season, and the any energy reserves Fillip might have once had. He and the boys were great, doing their very best to keep some order and sanity while we wondered if we would in fact get to keep this baby, or if we were in for another loss.

From 17-21 weeks I obediently remained lying down as much as possible, becoming proficient at cleaning the kitchen in 5 minutes bursts on my way to or from the bathroom or obtaining a snack. We played lots of board games on the coffee table, and somehow learned to watch movies all piled on the couch with me lying down under 1-3 male bodies also relaxing on the couch. While I enjoyed getting a guilt-free nap each morning as my guys left for the day, I did not enjoy my inability to participate in bike rides, etc... At the end of this saga, when the contractions seemed to be waning, the docs determined that the contractions were not productive, and sent me packing back to work.

So here I am at 27 weeks, tempting fate by resuming my busier than possible schedule, with little ill results other than complete exhaustion. It took until about a week ago to finally enjoy this pregnancy. I finally feel mostly fine (well, except for the annoying upper respiratory infection, and my body overriding the allergy meds), contractions are strong but sporadic, and my checkups are routine. Phew. Of course, this time around my body seems to have its own idea of how big I should be. Literally, one of my closest family members who hadn't seen me in 2 weeks did a double take and exclaimed in shock when she saw me. No, my size and that reaction don't even bother me. You know what does? Strangers frequently give me sympathetic looks and try to reassure me that I am "almost done" and "it won't be long now." Really? Because, with three more months to go, I feel like I am not almost done, nor should I be.

I may barely be able to walk myself around the block before experiencing crippling round ligament pain, but I am finally enjoying the process. In comparison to my previous pregnancies, I may look about 8 months pregnant, but I love feeling this little boy move inside me, and last night could have sworn I held a little hand through the thin stretched wall of my belly. I remember this feeling of needing to cherish every moment, as the unique and precious time of growing another person will end before I know it. This time I am savoring each sensation, knowing that I will never experience this again. Yeah, you read that right - never. I. Am. So. Done.

I officially quit my gym membership, as I am clearly unable to do much physically. I am under medical orders to lie down for a portion of my workday, and find myself trying to catch my breath just sitting here. Free time is a thing of the past between the 11 hour workday (working hours + commute time), attempting to build my Mary Kay business, and the endless demands brought on by being on the baseball league board requiring 2-3 hours of responding to parents every day. (Seriously people- it's just t-ball. We aren't throwing these kids to the lions.) Oh, and my kids and husband. Housework? If you come to visit, you will see that has clearly not made the list.

What has made my list is a new perspective of priorities, an ability to go lie down and rest when the kids do, to not have an anxiety attack that the dishes aren't done, to schedule a 6 year old's birthday party out of the house, and to make sure I am taking care of myself. I don't feel guilty eating anything I want, or accepting an offer of help to load my groceries into the car when I shop. My pride has been well stowed away and I am not shy about requesting help up from the floor from whomever is nearby. I will even sit there for a few minutes until someone happens along. Watching my son giggle feeling his baby brother move in my belly, and feeling such amazing love when my younger son tells me firmly that I should not be lifting things or bending down,(then struggles for several minutes to load a case of sodas onto the shopping cart) makes me feel good. The fact that I gained 11 pounds in just 4 weeks makes me laugh, and my fetish for chunky applesauce with cinnamon continues unabated.

Life is good in so many ways, but certainly does not feel mundane.

Pregnancy Update - 16 weeks

2009-12-04T09:54:00.000-08:00

Since I haven't been documenting this pregnancy anywhere else, I guess my blog is as good a place as any. I have my checkup this afternoon, but don't expect anything newsy to come of it.

At this point, the nausea seems to have mostly subsided at long last. After 10 weeks of feeling my stomach in my throat, this is such a welcome change! Afternoons are still rough, but feel more like heartburn than true "morning" sickness (stupid label! I feel the best in the morning, and get worse throughout the day). I get intensely sleepy at times, but haven't been taking lunchtime naps in my car every day. Just every few days. Eating protein continues to be a challenge, although fried eggs at 11pm go down real easy. Thanksgiving brought me the knowledge that a) turkey is bad and b) all other carbs are good. A dinner of garlic mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, potatoes au gratin, cornbread stuffing and a vegetable to balance out the meal is delicious. On really bad days, which aren't too uncommon, the only viable dinner option is a yogurt. Fillip has been extremely understanding on those evenings when he made a delicious dinner, only to have me reject it for a carton of yogurt. I'm showing as much now as I was at about 6 mos with Hayden, which seems really silly. Especially, since the part bulging the most just beneath my chest is all those organs being pushed up. My uterus is still below my belly button.

One thing I've noticed is that I'm not moving around nearly enough. I spend 2-3 hours a day driving to and from work. Then I sit for 8-9 hours at work. I might go across the street to grab lunch, but even if I take a full hour, I just go sit and read. Part of this is that it is dark by the time I get home, so I'm not comfortable going for a walk. However, I'm already getting restless legs at night and at work. Last night we took a walk as a family after dinner. The boys certainly needed to burn off some energy and I needed to move around. Fillip just needed to chaperone. :) It was really nice, and I told him we will be doing this more often. Next week I intend to get a gym bag together and start going again at lunchtime. There is a gym bag in my desk, but those gym clothes would laugh at me if I tried to squeeze into them. Also, looser, bigger clothes would simply be much more considerate to all the other gym members. If I don't need to nap anymore, I can get my butt moving.

I'm not quite sure, but I think I'm feeling the baby move around. It seems so silly that I was absolutely positive in the 1st two pregnancies, but not quite sure in this one. My only theory is that I didn't pinpoint the sensation until it was strong enough to be unmistakably the baby. I've been feeling little mysterious bubblings now for about 3 weeks. They are getting a little more consistent, and a little stronger. Also, sometimes it is a little more deliberate feeling, rather than that fleeting feeling of gas. This pregnancy has been hardest by far to this point, and I'm looking forward to these enjoyable later trimesters. We have absolutely no potential names on the table as of yet, although we know what initials we will be using. We'll get there.

I think that's about it. Pretty uneventful and mundane. I'm definitely happy about that.

Mystery solved. Problem not resolved.

2009-10-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have been wondering how our two elderly cats can pack away the amount of food that they do. I fill their bowl when I go to bed, then they beg for more in the morning as if they are ravenous. Additionally, there is always a huge mess in front of the bowls, and the water dish is full of dirt each morning. The cats are hardly getting fat. In fact, they are more lean than I'd like them to be.

The last few days in our house have been quite challenging. I got sick Monday night, and Logan got sick Wednesday morning, just after midnight. Needless to say, I haven't been getting enough rest to get through a regular day, nevermind recover from this bug. I thought last night I might actually catch up on some sleep. Unfortunately, the insomnia set in as it often does, and I ended up on the couch around 2am. This might be a good thing, given how things progressed.

Around 3am, just as I was finally, blessedly dozing off, I heard one of the cats growl, obviously protesting that we had a visitor at the cat bowl. This has happened before, so I turned on the light expecting to shoe away one of the neighbor cats. I even considered the possibility that an opossum had come in for a snack, as I could hear claws tapping as our visitor walked on the wood floor. Imagine my shock when the light went on and I was staring at a racoon. A really big racoon. This guy must have been a good 30-40lbs, and I don't even know how he fits through our cat door. However, he obviously has no problem, and was quite comfortable being there.

When he saw me start to slowly walk toward him, he casually turned around and went back outside. I figured he now knows somebody is up, and wouldn't return. How wrong I was. Not even 10 minutes later he was back, snacking away. At this point I was very concerned. He was outside my bedroom door, so I couldn't go get Fillip. I didn't want to yell to wake Fillip because I didn't want to scare the raccoon. I've heard these animals can be vicious, so wanted to ensure it didn't feel threatened or trapped. Had Fillip walked up behind it, I was terrified it would attack. The kids room was behind me with the door open, and I just kept hoping Logan didn't wake up sick and come out. After all, he had been doing that regularly for 2 nights. So, I slowly started toward the raccoon kind of waving a pillow and telling him "out! Go out!" When I was about 15 ft away, he again casually departed. At this point I closed the kids' bedroom door, and set the cat door to "out only." I didn't want my cats trapped inside if they needed to go out, but I definitely didn't want the raccoon back in! With a sigh of relief and exhaustion, I snuggled back into the couch to finally, possibly get some much needed sleep.

He was back in 5 minutes. Somehow, he has no problem coming through a locked catdoor. I simply couldn't believe it! So, we started the routine all over again. This time though, he was much more brazen. As I slowly advanced on him, with only my pillow for protection, he paused and backed about a foot away from the food bowl. Then, to my amazement, he reached out both paws, scooped up two fistfuls of food, and dropped it on the floor in front of him. Without taking his eyes off of me, he slowly snacked on his little pile, as if mindlessly eating popcorn while engrossed in a movie. I really wasn't sure I could get him to go. However, I must have still been enough of an unknown, and he did reluctantly abandon his little stash and head out.

At this point I barricaded the catdoor, so there was no way he could return. I was pretty skittish the rest of the night. At one point I could hear something walking toward me on the couch and had convinced myself it was back, and angry. I jumped up onto the couch, peeking around the corner to defend myself against our nighttime marauder, when all I saw was our 3 lb cat. Hardly a threat. I fell back asleep around 4:30am-5am. It wasn't until Logan got up at 5:30am needing my help that I understood the potential for disaster. After all, he would move right through the house, not realizing a potentially vicious critter was outside our bedroom, taking advantage of easily attained grub. The catdoor will obviously be sealed tight and barricaded at night going forward. As for our cats, we haven't yet resolved how to give them in and out access. I'm still amazed by how brazen and comfortable this not so little guy was. It does explain how we are going through massive quantities for catfood, and finding a scattered mess each morning, with hungry cats. At least I can anticipate saving money on catfood, now that I know I was supporting at least one extra hungry critter!

Happy 4th Birthday, Logan.

2009-09-02T23:34:00.000-07:00

What can I say about this guy?

He is a wiry little bundle of energy, always on the go. He is silly, creative, hysterically funny and so endearing with those bright blue eyes and endlessly expressive face. He is the most stubborn one among us, yet I suspect his sense of goodness and compassion run equally deep. He will try any food offered and rarely dislikes any of it. His lack of g's and k's remains sweetly him. He loves to help with housework, yardwork, cooking and breaking things. He is the shadowy figure of my pre-dawn dreams, wandering in for a morning "snuddle." He is a child who will seek physical contact at any given time, even if that simply means quietly brushing his little fingers across the inside of my hand as we shop for groceries. He is a boy who this week helped his friend's "baby sister" feel comfortable as she began preschool at his school, choosing to sit by her side, protectively watching her nap while his friends went to play. He is heartbroken that his brother is moving on to a new school, yet elated that he has moved into the big boy Purple Room at long last. He giggles in his sleep. He is the one who will ask if someone is ok, when something is not, give kisses when you need them least and most, and make a grand show of throwing all his Candyland cards in the air in a dramatic fit of temper upon losing the game, replete with stomping, throwing himself on his bed and sobbing pathetically. He is a shining light of happiness in our world.

Happy birthday, my irresistable Logan.

Cherry Blossoms

2009-03-25T20:59:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM.

I HOPE YOUR WHOLE DAY WAS THIS LOVELY.

Last summer, I had the good fortune of being unemployed, with plenty of spare time to go walking at the nearby lake. As the beautiful cherry blossoms bloomed throughout the park, I kept thinking that I needed to bring my camera and get some pictures of the kids. Well, I put it off so long that I didn't get even one picture. Today, I remedied that. Fillip told me early in the day he was picking up some extra work and wouldn't be home for dinner. I decided the kids and I would ride/skate to the park for a picnic. On the way to pick them up I stopped at the grocery store to grab some corned beef, peppered turkey, various cheese, some grapes and bottled water. We got home, got our gear and headed out- the boys on bikes and me with a balance-altering backpack.

It was a little tricky keeping my balance on skates (yes, quads..anyone who knows me knows it is Old School all the way when it comes to my skates) with a backpack filled with a sheet to sit on, dinner, and water all pulling this way and that every time I turned around to check on the mini cyclists behind me. Not to mention, trying to get all three of us quickly across a major street without anyone falling, stopping, and trying to convey that staying between the lines of the crosswalk is a much better idea than going diagonal across the intersection.

It was so peaceful and beautiful at the lake tonight. It really couldn't have been more perfect. The sunset was stunning, going from a soft amber and powder blue to brilliant fushia and orange. It seemed as if the sky wanted to make the sunset so spectacular that we would want today to never end for all its beauty. It was a relaxing dinner with the boys picking at the items I had brought, no pressure to finish a "meal" and me watching them eat more than anyone would ever expect. Hayden made an interesting comment at one point about a man we saw coming into the park in a wheelchair with his dog. The dog was in a bright yellow crossing guard vest, and the man was in a red velvet gown. Hayden passed him by and said "Sometimes as people get older, they really seem younger." He has no idea how true that can be. Such an old soul, that one.
As I tucked Logan in for bed, I got a quiet "tank you fowah taytind me on a pitnit, Mommy." (Read: Thank you for taking me on a picnic, Mommy.) Oh, we will definitely be doing this again.

Hayden's Pirate Party in Pictures

2009-03-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

Hayden had quite a birthday party. He wanted a pirate theme, and we went all out. The kids got to do a treasure hunt, bust open a pinata, have some cake, and have more candy than any parent will ever forgive us for. They walked away with bags full of booty that included swords, eye patches, compasses, tattoos, stickers, jewelry, coins, and a bunch of other really cheap stuff from my favorite party supply website. Although our timing was off, Hayden and the other kids seemed to have a fantastic time. Momma and Papa pirate were absolutely beat by the end.

Argghhh Matey! Captain Hayden keeps the guests in line.
Who doesn't have a friend paint an awesome mural in the backyard the night before a party?And builds a ship.... I just like this picture.
Walking the plank.

The birthday boy on a treasure hunt.
Pillaging and plundering after the treasure hunt.
This is a picture of the kids with the pinatas a couple days before the party, but it gives you an idea of how freakin' huge they were.

The cake

I think they got enough candy.......even if they had to scuffle over it.

Finally, present time! It's fun when your big brother gets a new guitar!
Tired Mom and Dad.
Tired and ready for bed- nothing like beginning a new story when you get Charlotte's Web for your birthday. Oh, and those glasses have got to go. I look like I turned twice my age.

Happy birthday, Captain Hayden.

Hayden's 5th Birthday

2009-03-08T21:19:00.000-07:00

What I can I say about my sweet Hayden? He is such a precious kid. He has a sensitive soul, and truly wants to make others feel good. He is generous with compliments, and most of the time willing to consider other opinions. He has an amazing intelligence that even his teacher seems a bit surprised by. He is now reading and constantly sounding out words wherever we are. He makes "good" mistakes, in that he is thinking about the phonic rules he knows, and applies them. It's not his fault English is quirky. He also does arithmetic, applying simple addition and subtraction to more abstract situations than his school worksheets. He seems to enjoy academic work more than anything, and talks about that much more than playtime at school. He absolutely adores his teacher, and I am wondering how he will do transitioning to the next class this month.

Yesterday was his very first T-ball game. It was so cute! He seemed to really enjoy himself, and like soccer, is eager to listen to the coaches and take their suggestions. He does tend to lose focus frequently, but we are hoping team sports will help him with that. One thing Fillip noticed during the game, is that Hayden was constantly watching for where Logan was. Those two are so connected and they need to know what the other one is doing at all times. It is sweet, although we need to let him know we've got Logan covered. Keep your eye on the ball, kid.

At home Hayden waffles between petulant child, and old soul. He is certainly charming, and very affectionate. Typically, he will be very helpful even without being asked. However, when he is tired or just not in the mood, he acts like a resentful teenager, put out at having to contribute in any way. Fortunately, it isn't the majority of the time. Often, Hayden's helpfulness is hampered by Logan's "little brother-ness." It's hard to make your bed when your little brother has his butt in your face. (Yes, we are working on that.)

Hayden retains his analytical and mechanical tendencies, which are offset by Logan's creativity. They want to be together all the time, even when they are driving each other crazy. Hayden wants to be in charge of Logan at all times, correcting his pronunciation, enforcing rules, and being "the leader." Unfortunately for Hayden, Logan doesn't always appreciate these efforts, and they tend to scuffle when Logan exerts his independence. Over the last couple months, they have been getting along well, and rarely do more than a little squabbling.He love to be silly, making up words and changing lyrics to songs. He has come up with some intensely irritating noices, and takes great joy in doing them over and over again.

Hayden tends to be quite emotionally sensitive with his own emotions, and in reading ours. He gets his feelings easily hurt, or gets very angry when he feels things are unfair. However, he also tells us he loves us, laughs easily, and is pretty good about clarifying when he isn't sure if we are mad. It often looks like he is absorbing his emotions, not bringing them to our attention when he is worried about something. However, he is able to express himself quite well when we talk together, and realizes he can express whatever is bothering him. He remembers every little detail, often amazing people with the trivial facts he will come up with months after seeing someone. Getting in trouble is a big deal to him, and he is generally really good. When he does get time out, he is truly outraged, but it is very easy to get a point across with him. He learns rules well, and generally doesn't try to break them. Sometimes, though, he does forget what they are.

He loves to snuggle when he goes to bed, and have a quiet chat before falling asleep. I love to snuggle him back, and remind him of how very much he is loved. He is a true joy every day.

When mechanical tendencies and creativity collide

2009-02-06T22:07:00.000-08:00

Morning Jammie Jam

We aren't exactly morning people. Logan is. Therefore, Hayden (kinda) is. Now that the kids are older, we are more lax on getting up weekend mornings. Really, there are plenty of healthy snacks they can get, two rooms full of fun toys they are allowed to play with, and they know where to find us if they need their butt wiped. We tend to get up every 20-30 minutes from 6am-8:30am making sure they are fine, aren't beating each other up, and not flooding the bathroom under the guise of watering the plant. (Think quick- how long does it take a 2 year old to flood the bathroom? Less time than it takes to think of an answer! Just turn the faucet slightly over the sink counter, and put it on full blast. Ask me how I know that...)

A couple weeks ago I was quite surprised at what I found them doing, or rather where I found them. When I first got up to say good morning, I didn't see them. Then, I heard giggles and heard them call out to me. I looked up, and saw two grinning faces in the cabinets ABOVE their closet. They had moved the bunk ladder to the tall chest of drawers. The chest stands in front of the closet. With that set up it was easy to build a little nest of pillows, blankets, stuffed animals and toys up by the ceiling in the cubbies. What really amuses me is that since Fillip said they were allowed to do that, they haven't done it since. He took all the fun out of it, I guess.

However, it seems that those bins of toys, games, puzzles, books and a room full of off limits electronics like a tv, computer, etc.. just doesn't cut it. Saturday morning they decided to play Swimming Pool. This is how it went- they took their mattress off the bed, stripped the sheets off and made that the pool. They would jump from the actual bed to the mattress on the floor to go "swimming." I just have to assume they were jumping only from the bottom bunk, not doing an Olympic high dive event from the top, but honestly I didn't ask.

See, there was a second element to the game. They know that a pool needs a fence with a gate. A locking gate that must be unlocked to go swimming. So far, it sounds like a little harmless mischief with a well embedded focus on safety, right? Well, not so much. The way they would "unlock" the "pool gate" was to remove a screw from the bunk bed frame. Again, and again, and again.... Hayden somehow knew which of the three different allen wrenches to grab from the counter. Logan just grabbed a sharp knife to use as a wrench, which I didn't know was in the drawer. (He knew because he had spotted it a few days earlier helping Hayden set the table. Again...good values gone terribly wrong!) Anyway, when Fillip went into their room about 20 minutes after I had gone in, the bunk beds were listing to the side, with just one central screw barely holding it together.

I'm not sure the swimming lessons we signed up for will help here.

How could these two do anything wrong?

Indelible

2009-01-20T20:06:00.000-08:00

After a very soggy day (not the weather outside, just the effects of a head cold and my emotions) I think that I have indelibly engraved the momentous occasion of the inauguration on the memory of everyone in this house.

I watched the swearing in and President Obama's (joy!) speech live on the internet from my desk. Although I was obligated to be there, I truly wished I was home on the couch watching such a significant, wonderful moment with Fillip and the kids. I read the speech again and again, getting teary each time. Because the sound quality on my desk was terrible, and people did interrupt me, I didn't initially hear the impact of President Obama's (joy!) delivery. On my way to pick up the kids, I got misty all over again hearing the speech rebroadcast on NPR.

As I walked into the school, I told the boys to quickly grab their stuff because President Obama's :) speech was on and I wanted them to hear it. They excitedly told me that they saw him on tv today! in the purple room! all three classes were there and he is our new President! I fell in love with the school all over again for this. Nonetheless, I still hurried them out to the car to hear the end of the speech, arriving home with tears streaming down my face with happiness at what our country has achieved by electing this particular man, and hope for what good things are to come by having collectively made this choice.

Before bedtime, I had the kids watch the swearing in again so I could instill in them once more how important that moment was, and share the feeling of hope that I have for the years to come. They were so excited to say that they saw that same thing today! Then, they were especially interested to know where the President lives and that he has two daughters. They now want to go there to meet the whole family, and were duely impressed by the pictures I took myself of that grand house when I was ten years old.

My childhood is peppered with fleeting memories of such significant moments, such as the day President Reagan was elected, and the tragedy of the Challenger Shuttle. They may not remember everything they saw today, will understand the significance even less, but hopefully they do remember the feeling of anticipation, joy and importance of welcoming our new President.

Just popping in for a minute...

2009-01-12T12:08:00.000-08:00

Oh, hello there! Are you still here? How nice of you to stay!

Obviously, with weeks of e-silence on my blog, I've been occupied with other things. I could go on and on about busy holidays, rushed last minute shopping, haggling with downtown wholesale vendors, and eating delicious bacon wrapped hotdogs from a streetcart with the money I saved haggling. However, I just don't have it in me to wax poetically these days. Suffice it to say - holidays were good. Glad to get back to routine. So, I am here for just a moment to relate one tidbit.

HAYDEN CAN RIDE A BIKE!

We took his training wheels off yesterday and he took off like he's been riding independently for years. Getting started from a stopped position is a challenge, but he definitely has the balance once he gets started. Although Filllip and I have discussed at length where each of the kids' characteristics come from, I can say definitively- he gets this from his Dad.

I'm so proud of my little boy!!!

Me Time

2008-11-02T20:52:00.001-08:00

Despite the old cliche, I love walking here in L.A. It is something that I find very rewarding and need to be mindful to make time for more often. We got our first rainy day of the season this weekend. I absolutely love rain, and took several opportunities to enjoy the weather. At one point, I found myself in the midst of several things at once,trying to jam pack my weekend with productivity and socializing, which is nothing unusual. I realized I had limited time to go for a good walk. Often, I take the kids on bikes and find myself slowly making our way around the block, arriving home a bit frustrated at our lack of umphh. This time, I decided to take some MeTime, a rare and under utilized treat.

I headed out in the drizzle for the lake. Initially, I felt stiff, doubtful that walking in cool, damp weather was such a great idea. Having to ford gutter rivers of rainwash impeded my pace, causing my enthusiasm to wane a bit. However, this Pisces is forever drawn to water, and I just felt a need to get to the lake. As I crossed into the park I felt much better, eagerly anticipating my destination. Although there were plenty of people there, there weren't nearly the crowds we usually find. For once, I headed to a bench and consciously took a seat to absorb the zen of the water.

As I sat looking at the pewter expanse, I became aware of my senses taking turns influencing my experience. I started to notice finer details about the scene before me. The grass was exceptionally green in contrast to the grey sky, and neutral plumed birds. The water had a gentle ripple, with mostly ducks floating about. As I looked around, the coots (my favorite bird there) seemed to be a single unit of feeding black, but the longer I watched, the more individual birds began to stand out. At first they seemed one blob of bobbing feeding heads, but really they were all at a different pace, some challening others, and some just hanging out on the perimeter. As I watched, I noticed I was hearing more than I was seeing. Those coots don't eat silently, but with a soft persistant pittering as their agile white beaks plucked blades of grass and insects from the ground. It was almost like the earlier whisper of rain. After a few minutes of concerted relaxation at the water, I headed back home at a brisk pace. I noticed a great difference in how I felt. Initially, I had felt stiff and slow,annoyed by my wet feet, burdened by the stress of numerous trivial responsibilities.

Once I headed back home, I could feel that my body posture was straighter, more open. My gait was swift with my hips and shoulders swinging freely with every step. My mind had shed the earlier stress and I felt like I was greeting each new step with a happy, positive thought. Often, I try to spend as much time with the kids to compensate for my time at work all week. I do an amazing job piling on the guilt for wanting a few minutes to myself, for leaving it all to Fillip for my own selfish wants. But, you know what? I truly feel that the refreshed wife and mom who returned to our house from the lake was so much more valuable than the stressed out lady that had left. Maybe I should feel guilty for not finding that inner peace more often. What a difference a walk makes.

Amber Waves of Granite and Steel

2008-10-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

So, again, I've joined a gym. Generally, I join a gym that is conveniently located either on my way to, or near work, and am pretty good about exercising regularly once I've established a routine. So, I cancelled my membership at the first gym after we bought this house because I had to backtrack 20 minutes each way to get to the gym before work. With Los Angeles traffic being what it is, I had no desire to add another 40 minutes drive time to my day. The second time, the gym was near my office. Well, getting laid off put a crimp in that plan. Which brings me to Lucky Gym #3. I really have no excuse at this point, as this is located in the next building from my office, my company subsidises half of the monthly dues, and will reimburse me up to $400 per year for whatever I lay out for "health and wellness." Sweet deal, eh? At the beginning of the month I headed over to the gym on my lunch break with all confidence that this fitness program would endure. I took the obligatory tour, awkwardly, yet briefly walked through the locker room feeling like a voyeur, and spent the rest of my lunch break perusing the literature and imagining all the group classes I would be taking. About a week later I signed up. Today, I finally worked out- sorta.

Typically I catch a bus at 6:45am, getting me to my office by 7:30am. I thought I would just take a 5am bus and have plenty of time to walk the extra distance, workout for about an hour, then shower and doll up for my coworkers. When I looked at the bus schedule last night, I realized it doesn't pick up at my stop earlier than 6:30am. Shoot. Along with my health and wellness benefit, my company also sponsers a Rideshare program. So long as we take public transportation at least 60% of the time, they pay for all or most of the fare, and validate parking on the days we do drive in. Due to the recent holidays and Fillip being out of town, I had to drive a couple extra days already. So, I figured I would just drive across the valley to the subway, ride the rails for about half an hour, take a quick jaunt up the hill to the gym, and have plenty of time.

With good intentions I left the house before 5:30am, and grossly underestimated my time and the effort involved. After driving nearly 30 minutes, finding a spot at the back of the subway lot, running down the endless stairs and through the station to jump on the subway, then waiting for it to go back in service- after all that I thought I was good to go. Except I didn't actually get downtown until 6:30am, and somehow exited the station on the wrong side, leaving me further from the gym than I expected to be. Then, I had to trudge up the hill, in the predawn dark (with all sorts of unsavory characters skulking around) with my purse and a backpack that I swear someone must have hidden rocks in. By the time I got my sweaty self to the gym I had 40 minutes total to workout, shower and get ready for work. Let me tell you, I'm not all that low maintenance. I quickly threw my baggage in a locker and hopped on a treadmill to watch dawn break over Bunker Hill. As the sun slowly came up over the horizon, it infused all the buildings in a soft amber light, slowly brightening as if someone were gradually adjusting a dimmer switch to the city. As I watched the sun illuminate the panorama of glass, granite and steel before me, feeling the quick burn of the treadmill, I thought to myself-

This is totally not worth it.

Combo #6 Was a Big Hit Tonight

2008-10-07T21:41:00.000-07:00

It's commonly thought that routine is good for kids. It creates stability and comfort, giving them security in knowing what to expect. We seem to be King and Queen of routine. Oh, not about naptime. Or bedtime. Or, well, most of the other "scheduled" parts of the day. Of course, weekday mornings require routine to get to work and school on time. Those kiddos now understand that when I need to go or I'll miss the bus, they had better let me go. This is less from an understanding of professional work ethic, as from a deeply rooted sense of awe of any bus, train or plane. Missing the bus is worse than time out in their eyes. Weekends include housework, playing outside, visiting with friends, they now include soccer (a whole other post!), and grocery shopping for the week. And Starbucks. However, there is often one day most weeks when making dinner just isn't feasible. Maybe the chicken expired in the fridge earlier than I expected. Maybe (hypothetically speaking of course) I got on the wrong bus and had to call Fillip to say I was all the way across the valley, and getting on another bus heading back, but please come pick me up at this alternate stop. Hypothetically, this wrong bus had the right number for those of you who might suggest reading that hypothetical sign.

So, about once every week or two we go to our favorite place. It's a little Mexican restaurant that has cheap, plentiful and delicious food. Seriously, going out to dinner is synonymous with going there. We rarely deviate because the reason we are going out to begin with always involves simplifying the evening, and therefore does not include a decision about where to go. The kids love it and rarely leave anything on their plates. They always get the kids mini-burritos usually with rice and beans. They are pretty good about trying new things, but hadn't yet ventured into another item. I had never paid attention to the fact that Fillip always orders their dinners by combo number, rather than name. Tonight was one of those nights when dinner at home wasn't the best option.

On the way over to the restaurant, before we had even discussed our dinner choice, we heard a little Logan voice say "I don't want combo #3." Maybe we need a little less routine.

Oh, and for the record, he ordered and enchilada instead of his burritos, ate the whole thing, and the enchilada from Fillip's plate. Hayden downed both burritos as quickly as any industrial vacuum. That's what we like about our routine.

Happy 3rd Birthday Logan!

2008-09-03T06:13:00.000-07:00

Three years ago this morning, I smiled in relief at the fact that my second labor and delivery had gone so textbook smooth, and I was holding my sweet little Logan in my arms. Little did I know what a little spitfire I had there, and he keeps us on our toes every day with those intense emotions, and his silly comical personality.

This little boy is such an imp, and is fully aware of the power of those blue eyes. He is the most stubborn person in this house, which is saying a lot. He is also so tactile, loves to be physically close, manages to move his body in the most clumsy and agile ways, and because of his propensity for falling, bumping and bruising- seems to have a pretty high pain tolerance.

A couple months ago he decided he was done with diapers and tells everyone we encounter that he wears undahweah now. He has a most unique way of speaking, that only certain people can consistently understand because it is hard to translate speech that doesn't include r, k, c, l, g and a couple other consonants. Despite that, he has excellent sentence structure and vocabulary putting together long thoughts, sprinkled with the word poopy whenever he thinks he can get away with it.

He is so excited that today is his birthday, and has been greeting me for weeks in the morning with "is doday my buhday?" Well, today he didn't do that. When tucked him back in at 5:30am calling him my sweet birthday boy, his eyes lit up brighter than the predawn light.

Happy birthday to my sweet "Yodan."

We are fine, thank you

2008-07-23T14:27:00.000-07:00

The boys are doing well. Hayden continues to thrive in preschool and is now learning to read. He says doing "paperwork" is his favorite part of the day, and he constantly asks his teacher for more work. She says she rarely gets a great student like him, and he is (almost) always a perfect angel for her. Before you think he is the greatest kid ever, let me tell you that with the other teachers at the school, he is more than challenging. He's got it into his head that he only has one teacher he needs to listen to. Life would be more pleasant during his afternoons if he would just believe everyone when we say he needs to be nice to ALL the teachers.

Logan is now potty trained which is fantastic. We have a very lackadaisical approach- meaning we don't do anything, and let the boys decide when they are ready. It's worked both times, and had them trained stress-free relatively early. For the first time in 4 1/2 years we aren't changing diapers!!! Whoo hoo!! Logan proudly drops trow wherever he is to show off his new Batman, Speedracer, Spiderman etc. underwear. We'll have to get him to stop eventually, but it's pretty funny right now.

It seems we have turned a bend on behavior. For awhile they were completely out of control, and bedtime was a 2 hour ordeal. Just when we would get one settled, the other would get crazy, and it would instantly become a 3-Ring circus. So, we started putting Logan to sleep in our room with a few minutes of snuggles before we leave the room. Instead of nagging him to sleep, cuddling him to sleep, holding him down when he gets up, or any other unpleasant and fruitless methods we were using, we now don't acknowledge him at all. If he does get up, we silently just put him back on the bed. Eventually, it isn't fun for him anymore and he just goes to sleep. He tries calling us, but we tell him we aren't going to answer, then just ignore it. If it goes on too long, we give him a warning then close the door. This method has had surprisingly quick results, and we are all much more relaxed. Hayden of course, gets put to bed with a brief snuggle, then he lays quietly until he falls asleep.

In addition to bedtime, we are using a quieter approach to discipline in general. One warning, then time out in the chair. Logan finally stays put most of the time. When he doesn't, I silently keep putting him back in the chair until he sits quietly for his full 2 minutes. Hayden is good about serving his 4 minute sentence, and we have broken his habit of stomping as loudly as he can into his room every time.

They seem to be getting along quite well these days, playing cooperatively and working as a team. They do squabble, but it is no longer constant. We have a lot of pretend play around here, and lots of drawing and writing. They also like to take there cardboard bricks to build anything they think of - a pool with spa, Starbucks drive-thru, a dog park... it's really one of my favorite things to find, despite the fact that it means I can't really walk through the room easily. I just love seeing their creativity and teamwork.

Fridays remain our fun day together. This week we went back to the Museum of Natural History by request. They were engrossed in my "tour" through the room of animal skeletons and seemed genuinely interested in the details I pointed out such as animal size, and smaller things like the proportion of rib length to leg length. Had that been me, I might have fallen asleep standing there, but they really listened and asked very well thought out questions. Last year, taking them out anywhere by myself was a huge ordeal. Now, they are truly a pleasure to bring them on one adventure after another. This week, maybe back to the beach!

Eleven Steps to Go

2008-06-25T22:58:00.001-07:00

Ok, I'll admit it. I have a problem. That's the first step, right?

It started when my neighbor brought it over the first time. I couldn't be rude and refuse, so I had a little. At first, I thought that it was just a minor indulgence, a treat to get me through a rough spot. Once I finished what the neighbor had supplied, it was supposed to be over. Then Fillip gave me more. I found myself craving it, wanting it, sneaking it when nobody would know. Like a glass of wine with dinner I told myself it was just a little something to take the edge off. Unlike the occasional glass of wine, I am consuming all day long. Home alone I have a little after breakfast, tease myself that I need to wait an hour, or that I must have lunch first before going back for more. As soon as my healthy yogurt is finished, I find myself again taking a little before I am fully aware of what I am doing. Before I know it, it is all gone. Yet over the weekend, I bought more supplies, fully aware this time that I needed to just make a clean break.

It's not possible. Those damn Rice Krispy treats are addictive. Regular Krispies, Cocoa Krispies, or the new Cocoa/Nilla Krispies that look so mottled and pretty in the pan. It doesn't matter. I need that sweet gooey crunchy taste. Aaaahhh, there's my serenity.

Oh yeah...that blog thing I do

2008-06-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

No, I didn't fall in a black hole. Aliens didn't abduct me, nor have I decided to circumnavigate the globe on a hot air balloon, rendering myself legitimately unable to update my blog. I've just been way too distracted by the little day to day things to gather any thoughts to share here. Often, something silly will happen and I make a mental note that it would be a great blog entry. Unfortunately, my mental noteboard seems to be one of those dry erase boards that is constantly smudging the pertinent info away. So, a little tidbit.

Lately, saying bedtime is a challenge is a gross understatement. Bedtime is a nightmare. As soon as we announce that it is time to get ready for bed, everyone braces for battle and It Is On! After weeks of too much yelling, too much crying, and an elevated stress level that nobody enjoying an extended time off work should experience, I decided enough is enough. Obviously, our approach was not working. So, I made a sticker chart and we tried it out. Each night the boys would go to bed nicely, they earned a fabulous Dinosaur Sticker in the morning. After 3 stickers in a row, they earned a Special Treat. The Special Treat turned out to be donuts, and I am am not happy to share that the donut shop around the corner has delicious, light, fluffy donuts filled with blueberry goodness the likes of which I haven't experienced since my childhood. I would love to tell you of the miraculous results of this sticker chart, how bedtime immediately turned around and we are once again nominated for Parents of the Year awards. However, the results have been spotty.

The most positive outcome seems to be that with a specific recourse, I am much calmer no matter how bedtime goes most nights. Hayden has thrived on this system, enjoying the positive rewards he earns consistently. He is generally great about going to bed, so this was not a big challenge for him. It has been nice to give him these rewards because he is constantly testing us in other ways, so currently gets significant negative feedback. Giving him an opportunity to "win" has been great, and I think it has carried over to other areas. It also gives Logan a tangible example to follow, as it sucks to watch your brother get a treat when you didn't earn one yourself.

Logan has definitely improved on this system. He understands the rewards coming to him, and knows to ask for his sticker the next morning if he was good at bedtime. His sticker chart isn't nearly as full as Hayden's but I have to think any progress is good. On nights when he is completely uncooperative, he screams at us that "I no wan a tikkah. I no yike tikkahs!" However, the proud smile on his face when he gets those stickers tells me differently. Often, when Logan is yelling and carrying on instead of going to bed nicely, we have Hayden go to sleep in our bed, then move him later, which is a whole challenge in and of itself. It's not easy to get 40 pounds of sleeping arms and lets up onto that top bunk! I then tell Logan he can choose to either lay down quietly and go to sleep, or I will go out and shut the door. It's the same premise of letting a baby cry it out. Although I understand many people don't agree with doing that, I don't care to spend two hours every evening putting a yelling, screaming Logan to bed. This works. Five minutes of crying sure beats 2 hours. I have only needed to shut the door a couple times, and he would cry for a few minutes before laying down, pulling up the covers and waiting for me to come back to lay with him. Now, I just walk out and he calms right down.

Last night I thought that since things were going so well, I'd let Hayden stay in the room until Logan settled himself. Well, Logan wouldn't settle so I walked out and closed the door. I'm not sure I even made it across the hall before both boys were bouncing around giggling like the new playground had just opened in there. Frustrated, I told them no stickers in the morning, and moved Hayden to my bed. They were both asleep within 15 minutes after that. This morning, Logan asked about stickers so I explained why none were coming. Hayden tried to blame Logan, but I said he has a choice to react or not. Well, it was really hard not to cave and hand him a sticker when he calmly explained "Mommy, I was trying to lay there nicely and go to sleep but my brother was kept waking me up. He was making me smile, and when I smile the giggle just needs to come out." :)

What the heck am I doing all day?

2008-05-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how busy I seem to be now that I am not working. How could I possibly have time for a job? During the day I busily putter around the house making beds, wiping counters, doing laundry, or any other mundane tasks that catch my attention. On Fridays when the kids are home from school and on newly free weekends (since I get all the chores and errands done during the week), we do outings. This month we have gone to the beach, Travel Town, The Museum of Natural History, Noah's Ark at the Skirball Museum, and the Strawberry Festival. Not to mention, spent lots of time with family and friends.

I've nearly cleared the back patio of the mountain of boxes that remained unpacked over the last year. That has definitely been slow going as I need to find a specific place for everything, and can only continue until the sneezing starts. For any of you who don't know this, I HATE sneezing. It is as if my body has decided to interrupt whatever I am doing without the courtesy of even saying "excuse me." Really, I can't talk when I'm sneezing so all conversation needs to stop. I can't listen when I'm sneezing. I can't unpack boxes, put things away, drive safely, or sleep while I am sneezing. You can only imagine the sailor language in our bedroom when this insomniac is woken up sneezing!! So, emptying all the dusty boxes is quite the challenging mission since my allergies seem to be in full assault mode these days. The fun thing about unpacking things after a year is getting to see them again. Oh! I was wondering where those platters have been. Ooh! Look at all these picture albums. Wow! All my childhood schoolwork! Each box is like a little present and I need to stop (and sneeze) to look at each thing before finding the perfect spot for it. So, you can see how this would take some time.

Another project I completed is not as simple as it might seem. For some time I've wanted to decorate the boys' room and make it more personalized. I had bought unfinished wood letters to paint, but never took the time. Recently, it came to me that a couple bulletin boards for their art and school work would be perfect in there. My initial thought was cork boards, but pushpins would only turn into weapons in that room. When I saw magnetic boards and colorful magnets at IKEA, I realized that was perfect. So after painting the letters, I broke out the nails (several sizes), hammer, level, nail gun and air compressor, hooked that stuff all up myself, and voila!! Check out their room now! The valance and wall hanging are from their nursery bedding set, but I just love them anyway. Take a good look at the carpet, because anyone who comes to my house knows, it isn't often visible for all the toys!

So, as you can tell, I have been quite busy. Although I am actively job hunting, I am also enjoying this disguised blessing of being at home for a bit.

Beach Day

2008-05-16T21:34:00.000-07:00

While I am off work, I am trying to spend Fridays taking the boys somewhere we wouldn't otherwise get to go. The interesting places are all jam packed on the weekends, so this is a nice opportunity to avoid the crowds. Today we went to the beach. We actually hit on a beach I haven't been to before, but will definitely be visiting again, possibly next week. It was really beautiful, but off the beaten path with limited parking, so not too crowded. The boys were fantastic the entire time we were there. I had the chance to praise them for bravery in the cold, cold water, teamwork, and overall good attitudes. Let me tell you, this has been infrequent as of late, and a refreshing reminder of easier times. After several months, it was easy to forget how much we all love beach days together.

Two cool dudes arriving at the beach with all their gear.

See that black speck? It's a dolphin! Although it's common for us to see dolphins swimming along the coastline, I have never seen them so close to shore (not that you can tell from this pic). The school would cruise back and forth and were quite playful. There were about three times I saw them actually flip their entire bodies completely out of the water doing a complete aerial somersault. Sensational. This was a highlight for me. Logan was kind enough to at least look. Hayden couldn't care less.

The difference between supervision and ......

...teamwork. What a nice change. Filling the bucket was a very big project. There was much conferring, waiting for waves, digging, and carrying. I'm still not sure what the ultimate goal was, but seems to me, it really didn't matter. It's all about the moment.

Looks almost like Baywatch, right?

Or James Bond?

Deep in conversation over dried apricots.

Navigating a murkey river of knowledge

2008-05-16T21:10:00.001-07:00

Recently, I went to a seminar on how to navigate our school district. Being that it is massive, there is a lot to know! The lady giving the seminar actually gave new information for 3 hours, most of which focused on magnet schools, and how to earn points to get your child into the magnet schools. I was totally overwhelmed. Growing up where I did, it seems that my parents were fortunate (or wise to move there) to not have to deal with any of this. All the schools were good and still are. Not so much where I live now. There are certainly excellent schools, but we may not be zoned for one. Or, it might not be a primarily English speaking population. Or, one of the kids might need a magnet or gifted program, that isn't offered at our local school. Or.... the list goes on. I'm so glad I listened to this talk and now know what to ask and investigate. Because Hayden starts kindergarten in 2009, we will need to start this process this coming December!!

One good piece of advice that came out of all this is to keep him where he is at for kindy. It is a montessori program, and the boys are thriving. We love the school and the teachers, and at this point certainly feel it would be beneficial for Hayden to stay an extra year. He loves learning, asking for more academic work all the time. He has a lot of friends, and the school is a very nurturing environment, but with the well defined boundaries that my two little imps need. Seems I made a good choice to go the extra mile and try to sweeten up the teachers for Teacher Appreciation Week. Oh, and I told you they wouldn't be getting those red velvet black and white cookies. Those are already ancient history.

My Zen

2008-05-14T10:36:00.001-07:00

One thing I tend to limit while I am working is my baking. It is something I love doing, especially with the boys. However, I normally do not have the time for gratuitous baking, nor do I want the added calories. Lately, for various reasons, we have been making many more treats.

We used fresh lemons from a generous neighbor to make lemon bars. Logan was in charge of the filling, while Hayden made the crumbly crust. As you can see by the picture, there were lemons and dry ingredients everywhere! Although they make a tremendous mess, it's worth the effort in the end. You can see by the picture that Hayden learned what sour means, while Logan was very busy in the background. They seem to really understand the process and enjoy the results.

For Shabbat dinner we made a chocolate and cheesecake swirled bundt cake, with M&M's of course. When it came to selecting a recipe, it was the picture of the cake with M&M's that sealed the deal. Since that particular recipe didn't look particularly fantastic, I selected a favorite swirled bundt cake of mine, adapted a chocolate glaze and let Picasso and Rembrandt add M&M's according to their own desgin. Because my bundt pan doesn't take a whole recipe, we used the overflow to make several mini-bundt cakes for the kids.

Last night, for Teacher Appreciation Week we made black and white red velvet cookies. This recipe was a bit more involved, and they seemed to lose interest when sifting the dry ingredients took too long. It was a bit tedious, but they came out so light and airy that I would do it again. The red food coloring added another element since two little

boys can make 1 tablespoon of red go a very long way. Somehow, I managed to contain the red to the baking area, while making dinner and getting Hayden to set the table. Since at one point he somehow got a huge blotch of red on his butt, he had to change his pants to avoid transferring it everything he sat on the rest of the evening, but that kid is super happy in sweatpants, so didn't mind at all. Once I finished glazing these, I thought they were so beautiful they needed to be photgraphed. Then, I had to taste one so I would know if they turned out ok. As much as I appreciate those teachers, these cookies aren't going anywhere!!! I guess we'll just have to make another sweet for school.

Sweet Freedom

2008-05-11T00:44:00.000-07:00

So, despite the fact that I actually do need to work, I LOVE being home! I haven't had this much time off since the kids were born, and having a newborn is enjoyable, but no picnic. Now? I can have a picnic any day I want. This whole layoff thing? Pretty sweet deal in my book. Fridays now belong to me and the kids, as they go to school Mon-Thurs. My house is the cleanest it has ever been. I take long walks most days. We are eating like royalty as I love to cook, but rarely have time. The pile of boxes on the patio has even dwindled. After a couple "career advancement" seminars last week, this week I plan to start my job search in earnest. However, until I have to actually go to work, I am going to enjoy every second of this time off.

And the hits just keep on comin'

2008-04-22T20:31:00.000-07:00

Last night as my boss and I were debriefing each other after Dancing With the Stars, Fillip called. I didn't answer figuring if he had an emergency, he would leave a message. Well, he did. While at his friend's house, somebody broke the windows on both sides of his cars! It's not even like his friend lives in a bad neighborhood, but I guess it's just as fun, if not more, to smash the windows of a strangers car in front of a beautiful house. By daylight today it looks like it was a bee bee gun. Whatever...that's a $500 deductible we didn't want to have to pay.

Oh, and on the job front...I didn't get lucky like last time.

It's My Blog. I Can Gripe if I Want To.

2008-04-09T15:04:00.000-07:00

It's not often that I really gripe on here, but there have been a couple things on my mind. Generally, I try to go about my day in a way that not only accomplishes what I need to do, but also takes other people into account. Seemingly in this city, this way of conducting oneself is not universal.

1. On the road. How much does it change your day to just let me the fuck over? I mean, really! When I put my turn signal on, I am basically giving you the courtesy of saying "Excuse me, but I will now be occupying that space in front of you in that lane." Not your lane. That lane. Therefore, it accomplishes nothing but pissing me off to immediately floor your gas pedal to prevent me from merging. Actually, it is a waste of gas, environmentally irresponsible, making you a very bad person. Additionally, to that person who was nice enough to let me in, then called me bad names when I smiled and waved- I hope all 5 feet of me scared the living daylights out of you when I came knocking on your window at the next stoplight to clarify my sincerely friendly gesture of gratitude. I thought you were nice. I was wrong.

2. The gym. Yes, I have been going to the gym. In order to avoid anyone one forming any expectations of my gym attendance, I have refrained from mentioning this, as my attendence and rapid lunchtime workouts are both feeble, thereby meeting no expectations at all. Except mine. So, in the locker room at the gym, it would seem there should be some common ground rules. Obviously, I expect to see women in various states of undress. I have no issue with this. There is a locker area provided with conveniently placed benches for dressing and undressing, as well as free towels. So, if I am standing at the vanity mirror blow drying my hair to rush back to work, please do NOT strip down right next to me at the mirror instead of at a locker, just so you can watch yourself undress, then leave your sweaty clothes on the counter *next to me* while you go get in the shower. This is not your personal dressing room and nobody should have to move your smelly clothes to get ready to go back to the office.

3. Again, the gym. Like many people, my gym clothes fit like a second skin. I'm not terribly self concious about this as I'm there to be healthier and I'm fairly lucky in that my rarely worked body is a healthy weight. I'm certainly not one of those super hot chicks, but fall well within the range of average. Correct me if I am wrong, but I thought there was a code on the gym floor. If you are going to watch other people, you are supposed to do so surreptitiously, not make them uncomfortable. We are all doing what we need to do and I suspect very few people there are interested in being brazenly ogled. Many of the weight machines require sitting with legs apart to ensure correct posture, or an effective movement. Repeatedly sitting across from me throughout the gym just to watch me do these exercises is despicable. Please, just go rent a dirty movie and leave me alone.

4. Doors and elevators. Just hold them, will ya? When hundreds of people are flowing in and out of an office building, you can't tell me you didn't know I was behind you when you let the door slam in my face. Because, you may not have known I was there, but you should have known somebody was there.

Ok, that's enough negativity for now. Carry on.

Because it is easier to do another post, than get up and go to bed

2008-04-04T23:27:00.001-07:00

Recently the boys and I planted flowers. Yes, I planted. No, I do not consider this murder. I am trying to take of those innocent plants, even if most plants cower when I come near them with a watering can. I spent several hours turning over the dirt, which likely had not been tilled for decades. We saw some great worms (strangely, my enthusiasm for the worms was far beyond the interest showed by Hayden and Logan), pulled a lot of weeds, then gave the flower bed a really good watering. Unused to physical labor, my hand is still healing from the double open blister I earned while doing all of this. The boys had a great time "helping" me and we were all covered with dirt. Once I saturated it, we had a very impressive mudpit. When Logan asked if he could step in it, I saw no reason to refuse. The look on Hayden's face probably reflects how Fillip looked just before he carried us each straight to the shower before dinner. Good times.

Mammoth Memories

2008-04-04T22:48:00.000-07:00

This past week we headed for the hills to Mammoth. I had never been there, and now understand why people love it so much. It is truly beautiful, and we couldn't have asked for better weather. There was some snow, and some sunshine, and it was never ridiculously cold. They did wear snowsuits- Hayden looked like pit crew for NASCAR and Logan looked like an Oompa Loompa, but they sure were cute. There were 15 of us- 8 adults and 7 kids. Basically, Fillip's entire immediate family. The kids had an absolute blast playing together, and the kids other than mine are all excellent skiiers and/or snowboarders. We did send Hayden to ski school twice. He enjoyed it the first time, but was slightly overwhelmed and beyond tired. The second day seemed to really click with him and I was so proud to see my little man navigating the "slope." While Hayden was at ski school, we had a chance for some one on one time with Logan. He did ask to go skiing, but was satisfied by our explanation that he has to be 3 years old to go to ski class. We built a snowman and played at the house until it was time to go pick up Hayden.

One afternoon, due to popular demand (demand being the key word here) we took the boys on the gondolas. Despite a pretty strong wind shaking the gondola, the boys thought that was great fun. I did NOT. At one point we bounced so hard that we heard a soft thwump as Logan fell off his seat onto the floor. He didn't care though, and all they wanted the rest of the trip was the gondolas. We could see them from our rental house, and the boys carefully monitored when the gondolas were running, each one that floated by, and when they had stopped for the day.

My favorite part was watching the kids play on the toboggin. All of them were fearless in racing down the hills, alone or together with as many as could fit at one time. They happily played together for hours, and tired themselves out so much, that even Hayden took a nap every day we were there. There was a bunk room with two sets of double wide bunks for all the kids. My boys felt so grown up getting to bunk up with their big cousins, and didn't give us any trouble about going to bed. Logan wasn't too bad about waking everyone early, especially since the household was up early to hit the slopes anyway.

Hopefully, we can make this an annual trip. With an easy drive, beautiful scenery, and so much fun activity, I can see building a lot of memories there.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!!!!

2008-03-25T09:42:00.001-07:00

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday dear Mommy!

Happy birthday to you!

I love you! Have a wonderful day!

Date Night

2008-03-23T20:53:00.000-07:00

Tonight Fillip took Hayden for a long awaited evening at Fillip's best friend's house. Now, Fillip's best friend is a great guy, but it's his mom that Hayden wanted to see. She should be a Professional Grandma for all the spoiling she does. When Hayden was a baby, he spent a lot of time there, and might gladly move in without looking back. Once she's stuffed him full of everything under the sun, he'll get to play, watch tv, be endlessly doted on, then tucked into bed until Daddy is ready to go.

Since the bigger boys were out, Logan and I had a date night. First, he had to run some boring errands with me, but does get bragging rights for being there when I bought new laundry hampers. Believe, that's important around here. The bragging, not the hampers. We haven't had any of those in years. When I asked Logan what he wanted for dinner, he first said he wanted to go out for tacos, then changed his mind to sushi. It didn't occur to me until he mentioned "watching the shishies" on the way that he wanted to see the fish pond in the restaurant. I'm glad he said something because I almost tried a new place, and that would have been disasterous! He was very patient about waiting until we were done before going to see the fish.

When we got there, the hostess offered us seats at the sushi bar. That wasn't nearly as interesting to Logan as I had thought it would be, but after a bit of switching we determined a booster seat was more comfortable than the high chair, and yes, soup was coming. He ordered a pineapple juice to drink and was happy scribbling on a sushi paper menu. The first thing that arrived was my krab handroll. I offered him a bite, and he liked it so much I had to order another one! Let me just make a list of what my two and a half year old ate for dinner tonight:
- krab handroll, at least half of one of these in total
- an entire bowl of miso soup
- shrimp roll with cucumber (not his favorite thing, although he said he liked it)
- baked scallop and avocado roll, a big bite and a few scallops
- teriyaki chicken, his main course
- white rice
- tempura shrimp
- tempura green bean
- tempura sweet potato

I think that about covers it. Oh, and an orange candy for going poopy in the potty before we left. After all, he needed the full restaurant experience.

The Gantseh Megillah

2008-03-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

Last night I took the boys to synagogue for the Purim Megilla Reading. My intention was to take them to the Mini Megillah service for tots, stay for about half an hour, then take my tired boys home to bed. My inlaws met me there, with the idea that they would stay for the full program. The Mini Megillah service included the Cantor telling the story of Purim, interspersed with related songs. This is a very festive holiday and many people dress up. We didn't as I have always felt (and Fillip agrees) that the costumes should be related to the story. I didn't get it together in time, so we went in regular clothes, armed with Purim tambourines for blotting out Haman's name. At one point, one of my mother-in-law's friends commented that she wasn't in costume. I told her she should have said she is a queen every day, and that would totally justify my being a princess! My kids seemed genuinely unimpressed with the Mini program, and certainly far from engaged. Things changed when at the end, the Cantor led all the kids into the main santuary. As soon as my boys saw that was where they were headed, they jumped right in line and took off, despite not knowing the people there. I figured they were in good hands, and took my time gathering my purse, jackets, etc...

The sanctuary was hopping! It was a raucous, hamisheh crowd, cheering and booing through the dramatic Megillah reading. When we found our seats, and eventually found the kids, it was Purim madness! Kids and grownups alike were all dressed up, and everytime Haman's name was said in the reading of the Megillah, the whole congregation would raise a racket with groggers, booing and hissing. There was a projector set up displaying the English and Hebrew text being read. Haman's name was in red and a pointer was used to show where the reader was, and that we were close to mentioning the villain. When it was read, the screen was changed to show a fire breathing dragon, or various other "evil" images (including Harry Potter, which made me laugh) so there was no doubt when to raise the roof.

One man had applied bloody fingers to his face as if a gruesome hand were bursting out of his head. Logan was fascinated with this, so I said to go ask the man about his makeup and pretend hand. I think it was too noisy for the man to hear Logan's questions, but I saw Logan stand there earnestly gesturing and pointing to his forehead, trying to figure out what it was. Even the Rabbi was dressed up, and made an announcement that he was dressed as a baseball player from the all-time greatest team, the Boston Red Sox. This was met by much booing and groggers.

One of the traditions of Purim is to drink so much you can't hear the difference between the evil Haman, and the hero Mordecai. Well, this was the first time I have even seen an open bar right there in the sanctuary! No, I'm not making that up. These are sacred rituals people, and it would be wrong for me to exaggerate. So, President Clinton (aka, maybe the Men's Club President) poured me a very stiff screwdriver, and made a Shirley Temple for the boys. With services like this, I don't know why more people aren't converting!

Once the Megillah reading was complete, the Cantor announced a loosely reenacted story of Purim, as a motown/disco musical show. It was really entertaining and at one point Hayden jumped off my lap into the aisle to bust a move. The kids loved the part where anyone in costume was invited to parade around the sanctuary amidst all this singing, drinking and revelry. It wasn't my kids' fault they didn't have costumes so I sent them off to join the parade, instructing them to go around, then come back. They did exactly that and since people were still going, in the spirit of Go Dog Go I said "Go around again!" They loved the freedom to move around and make lots and lots of noise.

Along with their Purim tambourines, I had bought them party "blowers." You know, those paper noise makers that uncurl when you blow them. There was one left and Logan decided that a little Cinderella about age 6 should have it. Among all the freilach meidelach, he clearly had his eye on her. While I admire his chutzpah, he needs to work on his game a bit. He kept shadowing her holding out the toy, but wasn't speaking up, or maybe it was just too noisy. She didn't even notice him at first (which I can't help but think guys will experience again and again!), and I finally got her attention for him. I told her he wanted to give her the blower and that he must think she is the prettiest princess. She looked a little creeped out, frankly and a the other maidel mit a klaidel said to me "but I'm pretty too!" OMG! Did I just quash the self-esteem of a 4 year old? I assured her over and over that yes, she was really beautiful. Unfortunately we only had one blower left. Good thing I could then turn back to my cocktail after my rough foray into the preschool singles scene.

A rabbi from my childhood was there, as he and his wife are members of this synagogue. It was bittersweet to see him, as he is looking very old these days, yet still so familiar. I later saw that he now uses a walker, but somehow retains the appearance of vitality with that strong booming voice, and hair that has refused to whiten all these years. My guess is that he is in his late 70's, but don't know for sure. I brought each of the boys over to say hello (and kvell a bit, of course!) The rabbi spontaneously put his hand on Logan's head and began reciting the Hebrew benediction. Logan just stared back intently. Frankly, it did sound a bit as if Rabbi G was off his rocker, but I knew what he was doing, and appreciated that special blessing that he probably recited over me many times as a little girl. After all, there will be limited opportunities for him to bless my children, and I will take them all. When he did that for Hayden, there was something about the way the rabbi kind of jutted out his chin. Hayden wasn't quite sure what was going on, so just leaned in and gave him a kiss!

Just as I could see the kids starting to lose interest, the program wrapped up. It was nice to let the boys run into the social hall while I gathered our things, feeling good about them being at home in a shul. Usually, they are required to sit still and quiet, despite being bored out of their minds by listening to a language they don't understand. Purim is such a great opportunity to have the kids get comfortable and excited about being at services. I did explain that most services require us to sit quietly, but that Purim is a special holiday where going to temple is like a big party. True to form, the Sisterhood passed out hamentaschen at the end, making me look like a great fortune teller for having mentioned this to the kids ahead of time. They each took the proffered raspberry treat (I saved apricot for myself), took a big bite, then looked at me as if all the saliva they had ever produced had been absorbed by that one bite. As Tevye says "Tradition!" Post-synagogue sweets have never been accused of being too moist.

My two tired boys excitedly chattered about Purim all the way home, and fell asleep within moments of hitting their pillows, visions of hamentaschen dancing in their heads. Happy Purim.

How We Celebrated Hayden's 4th Birthday, and Celebrated, and Celebrated....

2008-03-12T10:51:00.000-07:00

Friday night
We had our weekly Shabbat dinner with Fillip's parents. My mother-in-law had called to consult me on what kind of icecream cake Hayden might like. Unbeknownst to me, Hayden had declared himself anti-icecream. When I handed him a piece he whined "No Mommy! I wanted strawberries first!" How do I tell him he must eat all his icecream cake before he can have fresh fruit? Not to mention, how is that my son if he doesn't like icecream? I must have overloaded him on icecream en utero with my twice daily Banana Royale Sundaes from Baskin Robbins. It takes some effort to put 50+ lbs on this frame! He dutifully took a couple bites, but not enthusiastically. Silly kid.

Saturday- Hayden's actual birthday
We woke up Saturday morning and asked Hayden if he would like to eat breakfast at home or go out. He was very specific about where he wanted to go, so we headed to our former stomping grounds, and reminded ourselves of why we would go to that particular coffee shop so frequently. The staff is so familiar and friendly, the food far superior to the other places we go. As we walked in, Hayden announced to the dining room at large that it was his birthday and he is now Four. Logan backed him up saying "He da buhthday man." Towards the end of breakfast, while I took Hayden to the bathroom, our server asked if they could bring him a birthday sundae. Fillip said sure, but warned them he may not eat it. Sure enough. They brought 2 scoops of icecream over a cookie, smothered in chocolate syrup and marshmallow fluff. While they sang, Hayden sat there looking like he was having an awkward social moment. He had already told us he was full, and established the ban on icecream the night before. He quietly thanked them, then when the staff walked away he looked at us and said "Do I have to eat this?" No, I'll take care of it, son. Just pass it right over here!

We spent the day doing various errands to get ready for the party on Sunday. Hayden's only birthday present request was a big toy kitchen he had seen in December. Do you want a racetrack? No. Do you want Bob the Builder stuff? No. Do you want any, ahem...boys stuff? No, just my kitchen please. So, Fillip spent about an hour building it. It is a really cool blue wooden kitchen set with knobs for the stove, and buttons for the microwave. The sink handles work as well, and the boys are having a blast pretending to serve up various dishes, and clean their kitchen. It's really cute. After all, they see Fillip cook all the time, and often help us cook and bake. They are no strangers to the kitchen. To my future daughters-in-law: You're welcome!

That evening we headed to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner. Missy and Marlena met us there. The boys had never been there and were a bit overwhelmed to start. They quickly got the idea and loved the freedom to endlessly put in tokens to take the rides. Logan tried climbing in the "mouse crawl" that goes to the ceiling several times, but kept getting run over by bigger kids. A few words from me and another mom, and he finally got to the top so he could go down the slide. He was so proud of himself, but one time was enough. They each half heartedly at some pizza when it came to the table, then went to play. We didn't try to get them to eat much, but when they came back to the table a little later, they had worked up a better appetite and each devoured another piece. Chuck E. apparently only comes out for reserved birthday parties. I didn't realize this, and as soon as he appeared, Logan shouted "He came!" as if he had sent out an invitation, hoping the invitation was received. He then bolted over to the giant mouse. Well, some of the people at the qualified birthday party were rather exuberant and poor Logan turned tail and ran back to me. Hayden made his way into the fray, so excited to meet this giant mouse we had told him about. I was about to try to get a pic of the boys with Chuck E., then realized they were trying to sing and serve cake for that party. Oops! The kids weren't so enamored anyway. Fillip and I both agreed it was much Chuck E. "Cheesier" than we remembered, but the kids had a great time. Back at our house, Hayden opened some presents Missy had brought, played with her and Marlena for a few minutes, then off to bed. We needed time to finish last minute party details. Well, that and a bottle of wine.

Sunday- Party Day!
Hayden woke up excited to have his birthday party at last. We had a quick breakfast at home then headed to My Gym for birthday madness. The kids had an absolute blast! Basically, the kids go play on all the equipment and participate in games run by the My Gym staff. The grownups chat and munch on snacks (chips, candy, coffee cake, coffee, fruit). Fillip had told me the day before that junk food was required for a birthday party. I grudgingly complied, being a real grinch when it comes to that stuff. Anyway, I had a ball playing with all the kids and trying to capture every moment on film. Hayden had requested sports themed cupcakes, which I had made aplenty. There were baseballs, basketballs, soccer balls and footballs. He later said the football cupcakes were his favorite. The "Happy 4th Birthday Hayden" signs were penants made of sugar cookie dough. Add some juice boxes and you have 20 happy kids! At the end of the party, one staff member announced good news and bad news. The bad news was that the party was over. I quipped that the good news was that I didn't have to clean my house!! As the party broke up, Hayden was excited to hand out goody bags to all his friends. Later when I asked what his favorite part of his party was, he told me it was handing out the goody bags.

We took our two tired, sugar coated boys home to nap for awhile. Logan actually fell asleep in the car holding his balloon and a ring pop. He would later reclaim that ring pop and don a candy necklace for most of the afternoon. I kept wiping him up, but he was covered in sticky sugar all day. I'm not sure he has ever been happier! When they got up from naptime, we played with their new art supplies on the easel (Thank you Missy & Rob!) and opened presents. Hayden enjoys opening presents, but never goes crazy with it. Usually, he loses interest long before we are done. This time, we had a more moderate pile so he participated in all the gift opening. We are now slowly doling out fun new playthings over the next several days. Fillip and I were quite excited to see some "old school" toys like Lite Brite and Shrinky Dinks. I actually remember getting a Lite Brite one year for Chanukah, and playing with Shrinky Dinks. Later in the day, the little boy from next door came over to play while Fillip helped his dad move a refrigerator, then we all had dinner together. The boys just love being together, even though they don't interact all that much. It was a really fun evening, and overall a fantastic day. Hayden told us several times that he had fun with his friends, and is so excited to be Four. The day wasn't quite over for me though, as there were yet more cupcakes to make. There were 20 cupcakes left from the party, which is how many kids there are in Hayden's class. I didn't want to leave out the teachers, so had to make another batch. Fortunately, they went rather quickly, only taking a couple hours to decorate. Yes, that's quickly.

Monday- School celebration
On Monday I brought cupcakes to the school for Hayden's class. Hayden was really excited when I walked in. One boy immediately asked "Are those for me?" I told him one of them was. What I didn't know was that he had just had a birthday as well, and his mom was also bringing cupcakes. The teacher had forgotten about me. The other mom was later than expected, so the teacher had to "edit" the birthday crown to say Hayden's name, and had us go ahead. When I went to go get Logan from his class to join us, he greeted me with "Where da tuptakes?" Smart kid knows how to get to the important stuff. He felt like he was important stuff getting to go to his big brother's class for a little while. Hayden was so happy to have us there and immediately gave Logan a hug and invited his little brother to sit next to him. As always, Hayden looked rather uncomfortable as everyone sang to him. The kids all loved getting to pick which cupcake they wanted, as even the new batch had different sports. I had scrambled on my way over to pick up paper goods, a candle and a disposable camera (my camera battery died at the party on Sunday. Charger mysteriously missing. Both boys claim ignorance.) At one point I noticed that the disposable camera was being passed around as the kids took pictures. Hayden had the camera and was pointing at Logan who was standing still giving his cheesiest camera smile. We should get some interesting shots! After a little while the boys went outside with their classmates to play and I had to get back to work. Logan tried pulling my heartstrings with a very sad face asking to go home with me. About 30 seconds later he was tearing it up around the playground on a bike. I left two very happy kids full of sugar and playing in the sunshine.

So, there are many of you out there who might say that all this birthday shanigans is ridiculous, way too drawn out, and what kid needs to celebrate their birthday four days in a row. I agree, it's completely unnecessary. Yet, I wouldn't have eliminated a single thing we did. I would bake another 100 cupcakes, just to see the look on his face that let us know he feels so special. And, you know what?

He is.

Happy 4th Birthday, Sweet Pea.

Logan Turned 2 1/2 Yesterday

2008-03-04T16:30:00.000-08:00

At 2 1/2 Logan is chock full of contrast. With those big blue eyes and cherubic cheeks, he is absolutely adorable. He loves to snuggle and be physically close to people, often just coming over and plopping into a lap without any preamble. However, just as suddenly, those eyes will fill with mischief, and those sweet full lips will purse in obstinance, and it is like pulling teeth to get him to cooperate. It is amazing how so much stubborn can fit in that tiny body.

Logan is a fun little imp. He loves to play and giggle. He runs everywhere he goes and can climb like a monkey. His teacher was telling me how very sweet he is in class, and that he needs to sit right up close to her during circle time. He loves school, and plays quite nicely with his friends. He seems to have a pretty good grasp of colors, and is learning numbers. His fine motor skills are still being developed, requiring correction in how to hold a pencil and colors with broad strokes, rather than being able to color in the lines on a small picture. He loves to sing, mostly the ABC's. We do hear snippets of other songs he learns at school, which are especially cute accompanied by hand motions.

At home, he is very big on pretending. This is often a game of going to Starbucks, but often short order grill as well. I don't know where he gets that as we don't eat at fast food restaurants, but it is very cute. He used to use an old dishwasher in the backyard as his counter, but now it is the new swingset platform. We are required to place our order and "eat it!!" Last week he asked what I wanted, so I asked what he had. Often, I'll "order" something, and he tells me he doesn't have that. So, the special of the day was vegetable soup with carrots. For some reason that really amused me, so I ordered it right up, pretended to blow until it cooled then ate the whole thing. One day I got to order a Pushup and he told me that would be seventy five cents! Often, once he has a game going, Hayden will want in on it. When Hayden comes up with the game of the moment, Logan is always a willing participant, letting his brother direct the show. Those two always want to be together and play nicely most of the time.

Books seem to be his favorite toys right now, and he will gladly grab a book he knows, and thumb through "reading" it for quite awhile. He drags a little chair from his room around the house, and sets up a reading area. When he has several books out, I require him to put them back on the bookshelf before taking more. He'll grab the books, and run as fast as he can to replace those and pick new ones. He also likes some of the decorating magazines I have around the house, pointing out different features he sees the magazine that reminds him of houses he knows. "Danma Mitty has dat! Dat ow-uh tove! Danma Woz titchen!" ("Grandma Mickey has that! That's our stove! Grandma Roz's kitchen!) We often take walks around the neighborhood and Logan is so proud to be able to peddle his tricycle all the way around the block. Unfortunately, he is easily distracted and slow as molasses! Last week I had Hayden stay behind him. Having his brother nudging him along really quickened our pace.

He has an extensive vocabulary with pretty good grammar. However, people often have trouble understanding him. Whenever we don't know what he is saying, we ask Hayden who can translate about 90% of the time. Logan pronounces all G's as D's (Grandma is Danma) and all L's as Y's and Th's as D's (I yike dat!) I love hearing him talk in his babyish way, using big words like synagogue (sydadod). When he is excited about something he is saying, he makes broad gestures, and his face is so expressive. Again, little body + big personality. He does try to use the word why? as punctuation, so we have gotten to telling him no more questions when it gets to be too much! We do Shabbat dinner with Fillip's parents every week. Logan is learning the Hebrew prayers and we now see him piping in more and more on the long Kiddush (prayer over the wine). Hayden prompts him through the short Kiddush, and I can't imagine anything cuter that seeing Hayden teaching Logan Hebrew.

He takes pride in his appearance, often asking to have his hair spiked. Recently, he has been less enthusiastic about that, declining about half the time I offer.Yesterday the boys got haircuts and he was so proud of himself on that raised chair, looking in the mirror. Pretty freakin' adorable to see that tiny face above the smock. The poor stylist was at a total loss when the kids started hounding her for treats, even though we told them they were all gone. Logan even remembered that the last time I took him there, I had bought a milkshake to share. Apparently, that had been permanently built in to our haircut routine, and I had dropped the ball! Getting back to independence, Logan really enjoys helping around the house with making his bed, feeding the cats, pulling weeds and loves to help us cook. Potty training continues to be hit and miss. He poops on the potty about 90% of the time, but rarely asks to go pee. Any potty success gets a treat and The Poopy Song. The Poopy Song seems to make him much happier than the treat, but if for some reason no treat is forthcoming, massive temper tantrums will ensue. We aren't avid trainers when it comes to the potty, preferring to think something will click one day and he will find that diaper gross. This happened early on with Hayden, so we have the blissful ignorance of people who haven't struggled through the process. Hopefully, we get lucky again. If he doesn't show more progress in a few months, we may get more proactive, but for now we are very low key about it.

Logan has never been a great sleeper, and since we got the bunk beds, bedtime often includes major drama. First, he climbs on the top bunk with Hayden, jumping, squealing, and wrestling with each other. When we tear the two puppies apart, Hayden settles right down and falls asleep quickly. Logan is very difficult to get down. Half the time, he ends up sleeping on what was Hayden's mattress in the other room. Last night I didn't even try getting him down in the bottom bunk, but started in the other room. Silly me thought he was being so good with no drama at all, that I would offer to let him fall asleep in the bunk bed. It took another 45 minutes and much switching back and forth. Part of the reason it took so long, was I was just unwilling to be my usual hard ass self, inciting tears and tanrtrums by both of us. It seems that the transition from his crib is really tough on him. I am wondering if the big bunk beds are just overwhelming, if he doesn't like seeing the other bed over him, or if he associates the bed with playtime. Maybe it's all three. Maybe I'm putting way to much into why a 2 1/2 year old boy doesn't want to go to bed. He just doesn't. Once he sleeps, he sleeps very soundly, but wakes very early. This morning he crawled into bed with me at 5:30am. Anytime before 5am, he gets sent back to his own bed. Today he was snuggled up tightly against me, which is always so sweet. When my alarm went off at 6:30am, Conan was snuggled against Logan, with a paw across his belly, crisscrossing my hand. It was a warm Logan sandwich and a very nice way to wake up. Despite the bedtime challenges, naptime is easy, and he usually sleeps at least an hour. Like I mentioned before, Logan needs a lot of physical contact and isn't shy about that. He is full of hugs and kisses, plops into my lap and clearly states "I want to be wid you." When he has been in trouble and isn't quite sure if the storm has completely passed, he will hover cautiously nearby until I hold him tight for a few minutes.

With all that snuggly sweetness comes the flip side. Logan has an amazing stubborn streak. Once he has taken a stance, he would rather lose any privilege than give in. When appropriate, we try to find a way for him to come around and save face without feeling like he backed down. Sometimes it is a power struggle, and we have to win. Of course, when he is over tired, he spirals completely out of control, unable to regain his composure. I feel so bad for him at those times, yet need to just give him some time alone to regroup. Almost always when he is mad he lashes out saying "Fine! You not coming to my buhday pahdy!" It sounded a bit amusing the first few times, but has gotten old really fast.

Now that we are seeing signs of spring (you know, after our harsh Los Angeles winter) we are starting to breathe a sigh of relief regarding Logan's health. After last year's hospital stay, we were both concerned that he would get sick like that again. Having had such a rough bout with rsv, he would have been more vulnerable this year than other kids his age. However, he did not get the virus, and his asthma has been easily controlled with Pulmocort nebulizer treatments once or twice a day. There was a point where he got a cold and we heard a rattle when he would breathe, but a few days of Xopenex combined with Pulmocort two or three times a day knocked it out quickly. We feel so lucky to have had him healthy through cold and flu season, dealing with relatively minor illnesses like colds, pink eye and a stomach bug. He has always been rather accident prone, and we haven't seen that go away yet. Yesterday we were about to go for a walk. We had been outside less than two minutes when he tripped on his own feet (which happened to be wearing Hayden's rain boots) and did a face plant on the pavement. He looks like he got in a fight, and didn't fare too well with a bruised bump on his forehead and his nose all scraped. Add the scratch on his cheek I accidentally gave him, and he looks a bit pitiful. However, a couple minutes of an ice pack and he was just fine, ready for our walk, and running around all evening.

This boy has always been a huge eater, and that hasn't changed. I can't even think of something he doesn't like. What is really interesting to me, is that he eats his veggies first. Meat might take a little longer, but he loves his veggies. People often comment on the volume of food he consumes, but it takes a lot of fuel to stay in motion for so many hours a day. We pack huge lunches, and he never brings any of it home. School doesn't encourage sharing lunches and says he is the one eating it, plus the snacks they provide. Independence is blooming, and Logan now wants to dress himself with moderate success. We let him struggle for a few minutes to figure it out, then rescue him if the shirt gets all turned around. He actually does quite well, and is very particular about what he wears. "I no yike dat one. I weyah dat shuyt." Last weekend I got a shirt out that says Ladies Man. At first it wasn't what he wanted. He stood there in just his diaper objecting, then asking "Who da yadies man?" When I said he is the ladies man he got a big grin, put his hand on his hips in a wide stance, clicked his tongue and gave a little hip thrust. I felt like I owed him a dollar bill, and about fell over laughing. Later in the store a nice old lady asked him about his shirt. I was actually cringing, afraid he would make the same gesture at her, but luckily he had left the stripper act at home. Phew!

Logan is such a bright light wherever he goes. He makes strangers smile, brings our family so much love, and manages to constantly grow and learn, while retaining some of his babyish charm.

Hi, my name is Marlo and...

2008-02-18T20:36:00.000-08:00

Most weekend mornings one of us takes the kids to the Starbuck's drive-thru. They usually get the kids cocoa, which we let them call chocolate coffee. That sounds perfectly appropriate, but it is a bit surprising when they know our order so well. Hayden knows Fillip's particulars and my alternate drinks. Yesterday morning Fillip sent Hayden in for my order while I got to sleep in. It actually surprised me that he didn't repeat grande iced fat free caramel macchiato correctly. I mean, what's wrong with that kid? This morning we were working on the fact that whatever I order is fat free. Getting me full fat is a fireable offense. He is very aware of all our tastes and what we eat and drink. Now and then (ok, usually once a week) when we have a cocktail he asks to taste it. We always tell him no because it has alcohol in it. Well, maybe that is too much information.

Tonight he was playing on his toy phone placing our order. This happens often, and they frequently pretend they are on their way to Starbucks. As I was getting Logan in his jammies, Hayden was busy ordering for us: "Hi, I need to get one warm chocolate coffee. Yeah, for me. And a strawberry cold drink for my brother. He likes that. Yeah. Cafe Americano for my Daddy with an add shot. Uh huh. Oh nuffing.(Must have been offered a pastry at this point.) But also, a grande vanilla latte for my Mommy. That one needs alcohol in it." Do you see the problem here? I'm sure it's obvious to you as well. He forgot the fat free. Otherwise, it sounds perfect.

It's Either Laugh or Cry, and Crying Was Already Taken

2008-02-18T20:16:00.001-08:00

You may think I'm really mean, but this totally cracked me up. We had a really rough afternoon full of defiance and much timeout. Fortunately, the boys regrouped for the evening, but I think had used up all their coping energy.

Logan is really good about going poopy on the potty. He knows as a reward he will get a little piece of candy and me literally singing and dancing his potty song, which I think he likes better than the candy. However, he clearly feels that the candy is his due, no matter what. Often after I clean him up, our bare bottomed boy goes tearing around the house, bouncing on beds, and wreaking havoc until I can corral him in the bathroom to wash his hands and get dressed.

Tonight I warned him that if he made me chase him, he would not get his treat. He obviously did not believe me. Once I caught the little bare assed bandit, he asked for his poopy song, so I enthusiastically complied. However, he realized after his breathing treatment that he hadn't been given a treat. I explained that I had to chase him, so no treat. Apparently, processing that bad news exhausted the rest of his composure and he completely lost it. It was so sad to see him totally meltdown with big fat tears rolling down his eyes. Unfortunately for him, I mean what I say, so told Hayden to come on over for his bedtime story. By now Logan was throwing a fit on the floor about his treat, but when Hayden started climbing into my lap, Logan decided that was where he needed to be. Again, he was unfortunate as I wasn't willing to give Hayden, who was behaving nicely (at last!) the boot and reward the temper tantrum. Well, that was it! That poor little guy was so mad that he just laid there on the floor kicking and crying like I had told him...well, like I had told him he couldn't have any candy.

I read the story and tried encouraging him to come sit with us. No dice. At one point he disappeared into his room and came out carrying a chair. I warned him that if he used that chair to climb up and get a piece of candy, he would be in BIG trouble. It was so funny to see him standing next to that chair in the dark kitchen contemplating if it was worth the risk. Finally he decided to come kick on the floor some more. At the end of the story, he melted down again realizing he had missed his chance. More crying, kicking and all out temper. I decided to tuck in Hayden, then try to settle Logan. It only took a few minutes, but in that time I could hear Logan raging in the hall, and beating the bookshelf with my shoes. That was followed by the sound of all the books hitting floor. Yeah, he'll show me.

Now, this might not seem all that amusing to you, but hearing that tiny little guy exhibit such a huge attitude was really funny. I actually didn't have nearly as hard a time getting him to pick up the books as I had expected, and he looked so pleased when I thanked him that I think he forgot to be quite so mad. He did tell me once again that he wanted a treat. I did tell him once again no, but that he would get one next time if he didn't make me chase him. He is now sleeping peacefully after requesting lots of snuggles. He really is a sweetheart. Given my own temper, I totally got where he was coming from. It was just so funny to see it in such a little package.

Hayden- Nearly 4 Years Old

2008-02-15T15:30:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I gave actual updates with the kids. The thought occurs to me fairly frequently, but these personalities are so big, it's hard to fathom capturing that in just a few paragraphs. Let's see how this goes.

At nearly 4 years old, Hayden is such a fun boy. He loves to play and joke, giving us a goofy grin, or just plain cracking himself up. He is thriving at school, bringing home wonderful worksheets every day. Being unfamiliar with preschool education, I am beyond impressed with every one of these. Sometimes he is asked to count the objects, then circle the corresponding printed number. Other assignments involve discriminating between numbers and letters or many other academic ideas. He can count to 100 and has an uncanny understanding of numbers in general. We give him simple arithmetic problems of addition and subtraction and he just gets it. He knows what sound each letter makes, can write each letter, and can spell his and Logan's name. He doesn't yet grasp that words flow from left to right, and without coaching will write his letters one on top of the other. More like a logo than a name, really. He really enjoys his friends and playtime at school, but it is very difficult to get him to share what he did all day. We are actually quite impressed with his ability to evade direct questions, no matter how cleverly we ask.Maybe he should be an international spy when he grows up. His teachers give good reports of his class participation, and we are told that his temper is very typical for a four year old, and not nearly as bad as some of his classmates. The only thing the teachers would really like to see change is naptime. Hayden will not sleep during the day. He will lay down to "take a rest" but will not get that much needed sleep to get him through the evening. We really believe this has a lot to do with evening meltdowns, but haven't found a solution.

Speaking of that temper- He is becoming the King of Drama. If he isn't happy with something he loudly turns on the waterworks or defiantly yells at us, or both. We find that we need to be super consistent and immediate with discipline to quell the pending rebellion. Once he ramps up, it is very difficult to calm himself down, and the best approach is to let him blow off steam alone until he can pull himself together. He hates when we tell him to sit in his room by himself until he is done crying, but it is often the only way he will take the time to compose himself. We can often avoid these tantrums by warning of any change in activity and letting him know what the plan for the day is. He doesn't always do well with surprises, depending on what they are. If we are on vacation and there is no routine, he goes with the flow very easily. However, if I pick him up from daycare before he has played in the nap room as long as he wanted, I am greeted by angry tears for interrupting his playtime. Wednesday I told him he needed to get it together to go out to dinner and at least pretend to be happy to see me. He gave me the cheesiest fake grin that totally cracked me up. Fortunately, that also broke his tension and he was in a very good mood after that. Hayden does have a desire to be first for everything and win at whatever he is doing. We are trying to convey that you don't win at the dinner table, and getting to the sink first by pushing your little brother down is not the way to go. One of his new complaints is that everything takes "forever" and he "never" gets whatever was just denied. Insert whiny voice here upon being sent to his room for flinging oatmeal: "I never get to finish breakfast! I'm going to be soooo hungry. Lunchtime is taking forever to get here!" We often take forever to get out of the car, despite repeatedly telling him to get a move on. Logan takes forever to wash his hands when Hayden is waiting. Chocolate milk takes forever to get to the table when we are stirring the pasta before hopping to it for him. And, he never gets treats. Ever. Or so he'll have you believe. Last night we really rocked his world by serving the kids dinner first so we could have a romantic Valentine's dinner alone after they went to bed. When I went to check his progress on getting into jammies I was greeted with "I never want to have dinner like this again!" Well, although I feel for him being upset at the change in routine, it will happen again. Not often, but it will. Dinnertime is always a family event, so he doesn't have much concept of Mommy and Daddy time.

The flip side is what I like to consider his true nature. He is a very sweet kid, and often exuberantly appreciative of the little things we do for him. This morning he accepted his oatmeal saying "Oh thank you! Apple cinnamon! I love this kind. Thank you for making it for me, Mommy!" Of course, this had followed a very rough morning of lots of unacceptable behavior and lecturing by me, so I thought it rather funny when he ended this gushing with "See how I changed my attitude?" Yes, thank you. He will often tell us he loves us at random times, and is getting to be very sweet and caring with Logan, especially if Logan has hurt himself. Hayden will go over, put an arm around him and speak to him in a very high caring voice "Are you ok? Do you need me to kiss it better?" Logan always solemnly accepts the offer and all is well. Hayden is very good at sharing, although he also thinks sharing by other kids means handing something to him right away. He seems to play quite nicely with other kids, handing toys off if nicely requested, and holding hands or hugging the other kids. He is very independent, wanting to dress himself, cut his food himself, brush his teeth himself, etc... At this age, it's so great that he can actually do these things, with minimal assistance. Some days he wants to choose his own clothes, but doesn't seem to have too strong an opinion about what he wears. He rarely complains about me handing him clothes to put on, often giving lots of "Oh thank you's!"

Hayden is a very good helper around the house. He does an excellent job cleaning his room and making his bed, often without being asked to do so. He is starting to clear his things from the table, and yesterday folded and put away the empty grocery bags on his own. Cooking is tons of fun as he continues to understand the elements of the baking process and how to use the mixer. As we go through the grocery store, it's not uncommon for him to ask about items I put in the cart saying "Mommy, you bought oil. Are we baking a cake?" Baking remains one of my favorite activties to do with them. He of course loves to help Fillip build anything and help in the yard, and has a good grasp of what each tool is for. He is always active, running, jumping, climbing, or riding bikes. He loves to zoom around the block, and is good about waiting at the corner for us to catch up, keeping him in sight. The training wheels are a must, but I can see improvement in how he handles his bike, and need to start having him do circles in the street to master turning better.

We have a pretty established routine in the evening. Dinner is shortly after arriving home. Hayden is not a picky eater, and will eat most anything. However, he dawdles and plays until we are nearly done, then wants to sit even longer to finish his meal. This is a work in progress, but I think we might be seeing some improvement. Thankfully, we know he should be nutritionally sound as he loves veggies, meat, pasta, rice, and almost anything we put out. He will taste anything, even things he hasn't liked in the past. Mushrooms are one of the few things he doesn't like, yet last night enjoyed the stuffed mushrooms I made. Once the kids are jammied up we read a story before tucking in. This is my favorite time of the day, when we all cuddle up together for a few quiet minutes. Hayden really understands the stories we read, and asks good questions or can answer questions about what we read. His teachers report that he excels at this at school. Given my passion for books, this makes me so happy. With the recent addition of bunkbeds and room sharing, bedtime involves a fair amount of patience, but rarely because of Hayden. He is very good about lying down, getting a snuggle, and going to sleep. Once asleep, he is a rock and rarely wakes during the night. If he does wake up, usually something is wrong so we are very responsive. This happens maybe twice a year, maybe. He doesn't fight sleep at night, and will sleep until his brother wakes him around 6:30am. Last week he started telling me a story as if it had actually happened. It took a few minutes to realize that he was telling me about a dream.

Each day we are amazed at what a big kid he is. Not physically of course, he's a little peanut. In all other ways we see what we remember about childhood. He plays games we remember and uses expressions we used. He is recently aware of our music, and I just thought him so cool as I realized he was singing Stay Up Late by The Talking Heads. It's nice that the song requests aren't just Wheels on the Bus anymore. Hayden is so full of emotion and motion all the time, except for when he finally crashes at night. He is so fun to have around, and excellent company most anywhere. It's hard to believe that he was once this tiny baby, but I am enjoying getting to know this developing human being everyday. I love my Sweet Pea more than I could have ever imagined, and just hope that he is somehow absorbing that as he does so much other information.

Yet Another Reason I Don't Talk Politics

2008-02-14T09:52:00.000-08:00

Some might argue that I am a bit high maintenance. Fillip lovingly calls me Sally, harkening back to one of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally. I don't necessarily agree since I just like it the way I like it and consider myself low maintenance due to the fact that I happily leave the hair dryer at home to go camping, but whatever. :) Anyway, I was feeling like my mani/pedi was way overdue after not going to the nail salon for the last several months. This is something I like to do on my lunch hour, feeling like I am sneaking away for a little bit of luxury at the cheap nail place below the Weight Watchers Center after I weigh in. So, even though the Center was closed today, I just didn't want to wait another day. I can get the bad news at my weigh in tomorrow. Maybe my pretty toes will console me so I don't turn to candy. Yeah, right!

Everything started off perfectly. I was nice and relaxed as my toes were trimmed, my feel scrubbed and massaged, and the nice lady doing all this asked me superficial questions about my life. When she was almost done, another lady came over to do my manicure to save time. Well, I really wish I had not been left "alone" with her. The first thing she asked me was who I voted for. Not. Cool. I told her I'd rather not say. Instead of seeing the red flag and changing the subject, she proceeds to tell me that she likes Hillary, but doesn't like Obama because, you know, he's black. Yes...she really did say that. No, I didn't stand up then and there and demand another non-racist manicurist, but I should have because she was just getting started. She ignored the fact that by now I literally had my head turned 180 degrees the other direction and was no longer responding as she spewed on about the fact that only blacks like blacks and that if he is elected, being black and all, the economy would end up in bad shape. Hello!!! Has she noticed our less than booming economy? Has she ever heard of something called the Civil Rights Movement? I finally had to tell her that whatever my opinion of Barack Obama is, that opinion is most definitely NOT based on race, but on the issues that matter to me. Finally, I turned it around to see who she voted for which is when she told me she can't vote because she isn't a citizen. So, I guess since she can't rock the vote, she is waging a grassroots campaign of hate via people who just wanted a stolen hour of cheap pampering. Just to make sure the experience ended on a bad note, when she gave me my change, she made sure to comment on the tip I left that was to be shared among the girls who had helped me. I slapped down two more dollars to make it even and told her she was lucky to get anything. I also made sure to let one of the ladies who runs the shop know about that conversation and said she should really let that awful manicurist know to keep her opinions to herself. The whole incident really shook me as I am rarely exposed to that kind of hateful attitude.

Honestly, had she brought up the subject of candidates and told me she was backing someone I don't like because of how she feels about certain issues, I would have felt it was not the appropriate forum, but not been offended. Difference of opinion is what our system is all about. However, it was just so irritating to listen to a woman who has come to this diverse country to have a better life go off about an entire race of people, as if she is somehow superior. Clearly, Barack Obama has been significantly more successful than either of us, and has my respect for what he is achieving in his life. Whether I vote for him or not, I recognize that he has a lot of great qualities in a human being. That lady who did my nails could learn a lot from that black man.

Yes, I Did Get a Flu Shot

2008-02-04T15:06:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day in several that I don't feel as awful. I don't feel great, but was able to get up, get dressed and get on with my normal day. This past Wednesday brought me what I have long been denying was The Flu. I can't remember being nearly that sick in over 10 years, and made sure anyone within earshot knew about it. I must have looked rather gruesome before leaving as my co-worker walked in and said "You look awful!" I didn't even have a voice to agree with that sentiment. Being that I generally maintain the opinion that I rarely get really sick, I was in denial for awhile. However, by Wednesday night the pain radiating from every part of my skin was excruciating. It felt like my scalp was too tight for my skull, and I was barely moving as even the softest footsteps sent seismic shockwaves up my legs and torso, making me feel as if my back were going to snap at any moment. Add a persistent cough, blinding headache, chills, sweats and fever, and I finally had to admit that I was sick. Really sick. I had never competely recovered from that nasty cold a couple weeks ago, so my ears are still plugged, further isolating me in a weird stuffy chamber within my own head. It is pretty rare for me to lie around while the kids just run around, but that was a significant part of each weekend morning, as it takes awhile for the Alleve to kick in. The prescribed cough syrup with codeine is great all night, well a dose every 4 hours, but makes me to loopy to take during the day. Several nights in a row I was in bed for the night, probably before the kids had actually fallen asleep in their own beds. Both Saturday and Sunday morning the kids were so sweet as I lay prone on the couch hoping the world would go silent for just a little while. Without being asked, they brought me a pillow and covered me in blankies. Logan brought my iced caramel macchiato to my face to drink (after all, I was sick not dying; some things are essential and my kids seem to know this!), as Hayden sat on the couch with me softly stroking my face. Poor Fillip was left to do basically everything for the last 5 days, although I did get up to help now and then- including making some uncommonly good hamburgers Saturday night.

You know, as awful as I felt, maybe it was worth the pure sweetness it brought out in those little guys. Nah, it was a nice feeling to have them so attentive, but with it also raining outside, they were like little whirling dervishes who could have really used some more directed activity!!

I expect I will spend the next few days recovering my energy, but even at about 75%, today is such a relief! Without any meds, I am only mildly uncomfortable. Let's just hope nobody else in my house gets it. Too bad I can't the $40 back from that stupid flu shot.

Phew!

2008-01-24T20:25:00.001-08:00

I'm still employed.

Those many people in my firm who no longer are will be missed.

Much Ado About Not So Much

2008-01-18T15:30:00.000-08:00

Despite my claims that I rarely get sick, I have come down with quite the intense head cold in the last couple days. Because a cold just kind of sneaks up on me, I initially attribute the stuffiness and scratchy throat to allergies. It's not until it persists for several hours, or even days that it finally occurs to me that I am officially sick. Like Snoopy through the French countryside, this one stealthily made its way through my body beginning Wednesday afternoon. As the viral troops amassed in my sinus passages, I could feel myself getting a bit stuffy and tired, but didn't think much of it. Not long before dinner I had to admit that I wasn't feeling so great, and was likely coming down with something. By Thursday morning, I felt as if I were under seige. I can't remember ever feeling that miserable from a cold. After dropping the boys off at school, it took me an hour and 45 minutes to get into work, with the sun in my eyes no matter which way I turned. Yes, it seemed as though it was possible to actually be facing direct sunlight for 360 degrees, although it is possible that the extent of my exaggeration is in direct proportion to the pain inflicted by each ray of sunshine. By the time I arrived at work, it felt as if artillery fire were going off in my head with every cough and sneeze. My ears, sinuses, eyes, face and entire head were in agony from the pressure that had built up. Fortunately, I had Dayquil in my desk at work. One Dayquil and 15 minutes made a world of difference. I found a balance of moderate stuffiness with minimal medicine head and jitters. Today, it seems that those viral troops are billeted somewhere in my sinuses, getting cozy for a few days before heading out to attack someone else. After the intensity and pain of yesterday morning, the usually annoying sneezes, runny nose and moderate fever seem very tolerable. It's amazing how such a minor virus can wreak such havoc.

A Bit Macabre

2008-01-11T14:49:00.000-08:00

Hayden is very detail oriented, and doesn't miss a thing. We were having a conversation a couple nights ago and I was trying to get him to relate to my feelings about him not being nice. I was saying "think about if I said....blah blah...how would you feel?" So, he tried to flip it around on me by creating a similar scenario. It went something like this:

Very casually- "Mommy, what if you were little? When you were a little girl. And I was your Daddy? But I was still alive. And..." BLAM!! That kid doesn't miss a thing. Even in a hypothetical scenario, he needs to get the details right. Pretending to be my Daddy would make you dead, unless you specified otherwise. No, he wasn't trying to be hurtful, nor did I take it that way. I didn't even comment on that detail, so nonchalantly thrown in there. Coincidentally, the next day (yesterday) was the anniversary of my Dad's death. January 10th.

Each year on January 10th (as well as Father's Day) I visit my Father's grave. It's often a dismal, rainy day making it that much more unpleasant. The first few years, January 10th came around with literal black clouds in the sky, as well as on my soul. How could I face this anniversary year after year? The first few years, I stood there very young and lost. I would look out over the hillside, so very aware that I was literally standing on top of the physical remains of the man who raised me. Yes, my Mom was there alongside him, but a Mother and a Father each have very unique and significant roles. I had lost half my upbringing at age 19. On the cusp of adulthood, I no longer had him to turn to for all those adult questions, triumphs, and challenges I would be facing. When I left my marriage, I would stand there in shame, feeling like I had failed him and had absolutely no way to reconcile this. How could I explain? How could I get his absolution and understanding for making the choices I had made? When I graduated college, I stood there wishing I could see the proud smile he would have had across his face. When I was engaged once again, I didn't have him there to give his approval and celebrate with me. And when I was pregnant, out of respect for his very superstitious ways, I would not enter the cemetary, yet felt his absence even more profoundly because he would never know these two beautiful, engaging grandsons he now has in his memory. Despite these visits and mental conversations at his grave, I never truly felt a connection to him there. The emotions seemed to brew over due to the immense amount of contemplation I gave all these things around this anniversary. It was a quiet moment to reflect and grieve for what I no longer had, despite the lifetime legacy of love and values he had bestowed on me.

Day to day there are many things that make me feel much closer to my Dad's memory than those self-imposed graveside visits do. It might be a song on the radio triggering a memory of him belting out a favorite tune. I definitely inherited my Dad's singing voice. Anyone who has heard me sing knows, that's not exactly a compliment. Yet, sing we did, with great gusto. I still do, much to the chagrin of Fillip, the poor sop who has to endure my caterwauling from time to time. The expressions I see on Logan's face certainly let me know my Dad is still close, and the values I feel in my very soul are a direct link to this person who has had such an amazing influence on me, despite his absence my entire adult life.

As I stood at that grave yesterday, on an exceptionally mild-weathered day, I felt so completely detached from my Dad. This was disturbing at first. I felt that maybe this dishonored his memory and the love we shared, by not being emotional on the anniversary of the day he left us for good. I had to really think about this. Like always, I put my rock there to mark my visit, and stood there a little uncertainly, not really knowing what to do, even after all these years. My mental dialogue seemed rather generic and stale for a daughter visiting the grave of a Father she loved and misses very much. As I looked around at the panorama before me, nothing had really changed. Sure, there were a few new buildings across the way. The cemetary has developed the land further up the hill now. And my car- now that was different. My mind then played a montage for me of all the visits over the past 14 years, and the vehicles that I had parked in that very same spot, before heading past the grave to the fence to find my rock. As my memory of each car played out, so did my memory of who I was at these different points in time. I came to a very important realization. I am not the same lost soul I was 14 years ago. Life has humbled me for sure, yet given me more confidence and joy as well. Yesterday, I stood there as a 33 year old woman. A strong, independent woman. Fourteen years later, I can face this date with love and memory. I only had him for 19 years, and have now lived without him for 14 more. We are detached, and this is absolutely necessary. This is a good and healthy state of being. I shed a couple tears yesterday for the memory of my Father. But when I really thought about it, I know he would be so proud of the woman I am today.

I'm Not Intentionally Mocking My Friends in the Midwest

2007-12-23T21:12:00.000-08:00

We had an absolutely beautiful afternoon at the beach.

One of Fillip's cousins hosted a post-Chanukah/house warming party at his newly built home in the Malibu hills. Words can't adequately describe the visual impact of stepping into his living room. The great room itself is beautiful, yet simply decorated. Orange is the accent color, but in limited and very effective amounts. Looking through the room is a 180 degree view of the Pacific Ocean, and the nearby mountains. Two of the walls are floor to ceiling glass, that opens by sliding into the adjacent walls, leaving nothing to obstruct the scenery. Often, there is a foggy marine layer down by the beach, even when the local cities are perfectly clear. However, today was perfect. Just perfect.

My boys quickly got overly rambunctious after we arrived, so a bunch of us piled into the golf cart to drive down the beach. I had the joy of spending over an hour on the sand with Hayden, Logan and two of my sweet nieces- 4yrs old and 9 yrs old. Seeing all the kids on the beach made me laugh. The two girls managed to stay really clean, even while digging in the sand. From the moment we got there, my boys looked like we dunked them in a sand pit before even starting to play. Despite the challenge of taking three youngin's to the porta potties, we had a great time. They built (and destroyed) a sand castle, and dug some pretty impressive holes. Nobody fell (very far) from the empty lifeguard tower, or got sand in their eyes. It was probably about 70F, and as clear as can be. We had come prepared for serious cold weather, like down to at least 50F, but stayed in just long sleeve cotton-t's all evening.

When we'd had enough, we called up to the house for someone to pick us up. That was a bit scary actually. The backfacing seat on the cart doesn't have a belt and is a bit slippery. I had Logan on my lap, Hayden next to me, each of them in a vice grip with my foot braced against the side of the cart, and am still surprised I didn't lose anyone as we went up the hill. The kids of course, thought it was great fun to slide and bump along on this great adventure. Once we arrived, we brushed off at least a couple pounds of sand, and never even bothered to put their shoes and socks on. It was that nice out.

We stayed into the evening, watching a stunning sunset over the water. The sky gave us a full display of brilliant yellows, oranges and reds as the inky water gradually darkened from an ashy blue to black.

There have been many times I've lamented the lack of seasons here. Today was not one of those times.

I Have a Newfound Respect for My Grandma.

2007-12-17T16:00:00.000-08:00

My Grandma used to play endless board games with me. Bedtime was not an issue when the Master of the Game was being determined. The game we played the most by far was Aggravation. She was great about teaching me strategy and good sportsmanship. Cheering each other on was essential. However, there was a flip side to that. She was ruthless! She would bump off my marble with a little shout of glee, and expected the same of me given an opportunity to keep her from bringing that marble "Home." Playful pouting was fine, but no sulking allowed. We could gloat, but we could not get mad. The first loser would call out "two out of three!" in order to get the tournament going. I can remember my Grandpa dozing on the recliner chair nearby, giving us a sleepy indulgent smile at midnight as he would hear shouts of "seven out of ten!" There were several other games too like rummy tile (which I don't think I have ever won), and Hi Ho Cherry Oh.

For Chanukah this year, Hayden was given Hi Ho Cherry Oh. He and I have played Candyland, and recently War, but he hadn't yet seen this childhood favorite of mine. Last night I thought it would be great fun to bring Logan into the world of games as well. What I did not realize is how difficult it is to set up the game. Those cherries are so tiny, and it was taking me forever to get all 40 of them on the trees. Each time I would get about halfway there, Logan would accidentally bump the board, sending them all flying. After about half a dozen times, I was getting pretty frustrated. We would start to play then- Blam! At one point we were pretty well into an actual game. Hayden was being a great sport each time his spinner landed on a dog or a bird (put 2 cherries back!) or dumped his bucket completely. Logan was doing pretty well understanding how to play. He had a surprisingly good spin on the spinner and counted along as we put cherries in his bucket or back on the tree. When I would spin a bird or a dog they would both shout "Hey Birdie!! Hey Doggie!!" It was really cute. The first game was only a couple rounds, as I somehow got lucky on each spin. Next, Hayden won a round where Logan was off distracted by something else. We set up again, as there had been no clear winner, and Logan wanted to play. Again, that little foot bumped the board halfway through the game eliciting my frustrated cry of "Logan!!" and thoughts that I should just put the whole thing away. He responded with a very sweet "Sawwy, Mommy. It was a attident. I won do it adain."

Awww, shucks. Two out of three then!

Santa Claus is Coming To Town, but Chanukah Has Come and Gone

2007-12-14T13:38:00.000-08:00

Although our celebratory dinners continue for a couple more nights (and then next weekend, and then on Christmas), Chanukah is officially over. As hectic as it is, I really do enjoy this holiday. That might be due to the fact that we have 8 nights to get together with people, rather than trying to cram everyone we know and love into one day. It has been really nice to spend time with family and friends, trying to keep a hectic schedule relaxed by making simpler menus, and not worrying about a spotless house. I haven't even been baking. That is quite the concession, but a needed one. Although I really love to bake, I simply don't have much time. I'll start again with the boys when we are less busy and can enjoy the process more.

The kids really enjoy the ritual of lighting candles every night, and can recognize the Hebrew blessings when they hear them out of context, like on a Chanukah cd I have in the car. They are surprisingly low key about getting presents. Getting them to open more than one is actually a challenge. They do love all their new stuff, however, and I think that is going a long way toward more peaceful mornings. The kids are occupied with new toys rather than diaper cream, bathroom soap and red chalk. Monday night is our first free evening in about 10 days, so we will start implementing an early bedtime to get our little guys back on track. The Shared Bedroom Experiment is over for now, by the way. We will likely try it again, but the sleep deprivation was getting to us all. Despite all the sickies going around, so far we only have one small cold in the house, although Logan is a little wheezy, and ready to start nebulizer treatments again.

Second night of Chanukah

Today was the kids' Holiday Program. Try as I might, I could not keep from bawling for the first 10 minutes of the show. They are all just so freakin' cute! Hayden didn't seem to want to sing, although he wasn't objecting to being on stage. Logan was happy to participate best he could, but once his class came down, he wanted me to hold him. For some reason he was holding on for dear life. Maybe he was more nervous about the show than he let on, but I was happy to indulge those snuggles. I did convince him to go back up with everyone for the last song. It was really cute to see him run across the room after the class. He is by far the littlest one. At one point, Hayden's class was sitting in back on risers, while Logan's class stood in front singing their song. Hayden was slouched down, almost competely flat, obviously bored out of his mind! They did have a couple Chanukah songs sung by all the little girls - and Hayden. His teacher kind of (gently) shoved him into the middle of the lineup. Lucky lil dude to be with all the girls! After the program parents were asked to stay and help their kids with the potluck lunch. My kids didn't seem impressed with the fare, but the homemade Indian samosas were unbelievably delicious! Had Logan not been clearly exhausted, I would have indulged his request to come to work with me. However, he obviously needed his nap and I know he is enjoying his afternoon. It's hard for me to believe that we are already in a point in life where finding the video camera for the kids' perfomance is critical.

Whoosh! That's the sound of these kids growing up.

Last night of Chanukah

Not to be a Grinch or anything...

2007-12-12T14:50:00.000-08:00

Each year, as we get through the holiday season, we are faced with the necessity to identify ourselves. Not in the sense that I have to show my driver's license everytime I use my debit card, but as Jews in a Christian society. At the beginning of the month I found myself making the comment "no, you aren't used to having to schedule meetings around every holiday, because you automatically get the day off for yours." This may sound like I have a chip on my shoulder, but I really don't. I'm not bitter, but do feel the need to live according to my own principals, which can mean speaking up.

I grew up knowing that Christmas was lots of fun, but was not our holiday. We celebrated Chanukah, and could enjoy various aspects of Christmas, but that it was somebody else's holiday. My friends would have me over to decorate their Christmas trees (and still do!), but I've never had, nor wanted a Christmas tree of my own. I've been to church for Communions and Confirmations, but always in celebration of somebody else. Because I had exposure to these other traditions, I never felt left out as a child when it came to the holidays. I felt pretty lucky getting to celebrate for eight days rather than just one and it was always a very fun time. Now, we need to forge our way as parents to give our boys the same sense of identity, without a feeling of exclusion or envy.

The school the boys are attending has been great. This being our first holiday season there, we didn't know what to expect. When we picked them up last week to see menorahs on the walls of the classrooms that each child had colored, I was gratified to know that different traditions are being taught there. We were told that there is to be a gift exchange this Thursday and a Holiday Program on Friday. First off, seeing Hayden carefully holding onto the name he drew for the gift exchange was very cute. Unlike the way I tend to go about these things, he didn't forget which friend he picked, and we are all set for tomorrow.

The school has been rehearsing for their Holiday Program for a couple weeks now. Hearing all the new songs Hayden and Logan are singing is so sweet. It seems that they each pick up a different song each week. Last night Logan was singing Baa Baa Black Sheep for the first time. Hayden has started singing the national anthem, but doesn't seem to quite get the lyrics. I cracked up to hear him belting out "O-oh say can you seeeeee? By the dawn's early liiiight! We're so proud of Eeeee-an!" Um, what? Who's Ian? Anyway, he'll get it eventually. I find it too funny to want to correct him. When Fillip spoke to the teacher today regarding the Holiday Program, they said that they hadn't given our boys a part because they don't attend on Fridays. Oops! Hayden had told me they had been rehearsing, and I certainly can't see letting him rehearse for two weeks, then saying "Sorry, you don't go to school on Fridays." So, I made the arrangements to have them there an extra day this week, freeing up my mother-in-law to attend the program too! Before we got off the phone, the director of the school mentioned they all needed to wear Santa hats in the program. Hmmm. Here's that Santa issue again. Hayden clearly knows that Santa isn't real, and that we don't celebrate Christmas. Is it hypocritical to give him a Santa hat to wear? Is it over-sensitive to not let him wear a Santa hat? I did mention to the director that we celebrate Chanukah and she asked that I have them wear some hat, as all the kids will have something. I had to really consider this all morning.

And, you know what? I'm getting them Santa hats. I came to the conclusion that it isn't a religious symbol, doesn't have any implications that would conflict with our own faith just by wearing the hat, and I just don't think it would be worth it to have them feel left out over something so trivial in the big picture. It seems that in order to live in a society where our traditions are not the majority, some assimilation will be necessary in order to assert our own identity on the bigger issues.

Pigs in a Blanket

2007-12-09T20:18:00.000-08:00

The boys have wanted to share a room for quite awhile. We really like the idea in theory, so we decided to move Hayden's mattress into Logan's room to see how it goes. The first night they were so excited, bouncing from one mattress to the other. We figured it would take hours to get them to sleep, and we'd have to go in twenty times to tell them to pipe down. Much to our surprise, they were fast asleep in10 minutes. We smugly patted ourselves on the back for being The Best Parents Ever, having always stuck to our guns about bedtime and going to sleep. Hah!! Little did we contemplate the fact that Logan is like the pre-rooster in house, crowing well before the crack of dawn. He calls to Hayden over the baby gate "Buvva! Wake up!! Come pay wid me! Wake up buvva!" Hayden usually ignores him for close to an hour, then dutifully drags his sleepy self across the hall and over the gate to play with his brother. Often, this goes really well. They might snuggle for a little while then play quite nicely until we get up. Frequently, playing nicely means dumping every toy and drawer into the middle of the room to amuse themselves. (This led to Logan losing 75% of his toys Saturday morning. The little bugger doesn't even care that his toys are in a box in the garage!) One day playing nicely together meant drawing on the light green walls with red chalk and finger painting the entire dresser, the window and two boys with diaper cream. Today, I found that they had moved Logan's mattress off the crib into the middle of the room, stripped both mattresses, and were jumping back and forth. I haven't confirmed that it was a landing pad for jumping off the changing table, but I have my suspicions. On our way home this evening I told Fillip that I really don't think having them share a room is working out. Having them both up so early is leaving all of us cranky and sleep deprived. Yet, this is what they look like at this very moment....

How could I object to that?

This is a little gross

2007-11-21T12:03:00.000-08:00

Logan is consistently pooping on the potty these days, usually during dinner. He is really great about it, even in a restaurant. One night he had to go at a coffeee shop so I scooped him out of his high chair and off he went to the bathroom, letting everyone on the way know "I go poop in potty!!" Fortunately, it is a family restaurant and I didn't notice anyone looking absolutely appalled. Mostly they smiled encouragingly and wished him luck, then high fived him on the way back. Sometimes I need to step back and realize that potty training brings all new experiences to him. In addition to anticipating when he needs to go, then holding it for a few minutes, he needs to learn to sit properly, feel comfortable and is experiencing all new sensations....and sounds. One of the first times he was sitting up there so proudly, getting the positive results we want, we heard the little splash.

Logan, looking extremely proud of himself -"Did you hear that?"

Me- "Yes."

Logan- "Dat came out my butt."

Okay...time to sit back down for dinner!

On The Road Again

2007-11-20T14:22:00.000-08:00

Most years I raise funds for an event that benefits research and treatment of women's cancers. The top fundraising prizes are airline tickets, which is a really nice perk. Last year I took Logan to San Antonio to stay with good friends. This year I decided to take Hayden, who had been very excited for weeks about this trip. A few days before we left, Fillip told Logan they may go up to Davis while Hayden and I were gone. He got so excited, turned to me and said "I go Devis Daddy!" and did a little happy jig. Neither of us realized he had a happy dance in him and it was really cute. We both feel that the kids can benefit by some one-on-one time, and their response only confirmed that.

Fillip and Logan dropped us at the airport, and I held it together really well as I kissed my baby goodbye for the next few days. Both boys were very excited about their respective trips. Logan was excited to hit the road with Daddy (little did he know that would mean 5 hours in the car!) and Hayden felt like Mr. Independent to be in charge of his own rolling suitcase all through the security checks. He wasn't too happy that he had to put his shoes back on after the security check, but overall weathered the process well. We stopped for snacks, toys and gossip magazines for me, getting to the gate with a few minutes to spare. He had been asking for days about how we actually get on the airplane, and loved the jetway. The concept of an assigned seat stumped him at first, but not for long. I was concerned about the 2 1/2 hour flight, especially when he immediately rejected all the things I had brought to occupy him. However, the snacks, drink service, and window shade were pretty much enough to keep him content. The bathroom kind of freaked him out, but he got through it, and didn't hesitate to use it again on the way back. Despite my concerns, Hayden was terrific on the flight.

We arrived at San Antonio to be greeted by Gina and Brenna. It's always emotional for me to see her since it is so rare. The four of us collected our baggage and headed out. First stop was a sports grill, where we introduced Hayden to good ol' bbq chicken wings. Rejected. Oh well. It was really late for him, and I didn't expect him to eat much. I, however had no problem with the wings or the breaded fried mushrooms. Mmmm!! Once we got to Gina and Jim's house, Hayden enjoyed free reign while he got acquainted with Brenna (2 1/2) and Korbin (1 1/2). He got to feel extra big since Korbin is so much younger, even though Brenna is older than Logan. (Got all that?) He stayed up for a little bit, then went to bed without a problem, probably relieved to finally sleep. Once I went to bed, I had hoped for a restful night, and sleep in a bit. Hah!! Hayden is a very restless sleeper. I felt bad, but when I still hadn't slept at all by 4am, I settled him on the floor so I could get a least a couple hours of sleep. I wanted him to stay up fairly late to keep him on his Pacific Time zone schedule. He had no problem with that, but woke up bright and early San Antonio time anyway.

Most of our first day was spent hanging out around the house in our sweatpants. It was such a great change from our normal hustle and bustle. The kids played very nicely together, and Hayden was quite solicitous toward the other two. They watched some movies, played in the backyard and we even all took a walk. I took advantage of Gina's kindness and even took a walk all by myself. They live in a beautiful neighborhood with brick facade houses that just look like a postcard. Meals came and went as did the usual naptime struggles. I won- after an hour and a half of persistance, Hayden konked out until dinnertime. Yippee!! I got to sleep too! By dinner I was a bit stir crazy, so we headed to one of their favorite local joints. The food is what I consider good southern fare (keep in mind, I've never been to the South, making my opinion pretty useless), but the big draw is the giant sandbox outside on the patio deck. We sat enjoying margaritas while the kids had a blast building and knocking down sandcastles. For the first time ever, I ordered chicken fried steak. It wasn't bad, better than the fried pickles, but I'm not sure I need to try that again. After dinner we headed back to the house to help the kids bake some brownies and play some more. Sadly, Brenna had caught a nasty stomach bug that dispersed us all for the evening. That poor little girl was so sick, and I felt bad for all of them as they comforted her and continuously cleaned their sofa cushions. I got Hayden to bed as much because it was late as because I wanted him out of the way. I then spent the evening finishing a novel and trying to stay out of the way as well. Nobody made me feel like a nuisance, but I do know how stressful it is when your kids are actively sick. Having houseguests can't help.

The next day it was just me, Gina and Hayden heading out to see some of the San Antonio sights. I felt obligated to bring Hayden to the Alamo, but we didn't spend much time there. He was so bored. We walked through quickly, bought Logan a Davy Crockett hat (like Logan and I had bought one for Hayden there), and made our way down to Riverwalk. Now, I absolutely love Riverwalk. It is such a neat concept. Hayden enjoyed the water features leading down to the the main area, but moving forward didn't exactly hold his interest. He was hot and tired, and not very cooperative. We finally got down there and settled at a little Italian restaurant for lunch. Once he was refreshed with a cold drink, with his favorite pizza on the way, he was a much happier boy. He loved watching the boats go by and seemed to enjoy himself. Gina and I shared a crisp fresh antipasto salad and an absolutely delicious grilled portobello mushroom sandwich. After all that fried food, it was a very nice change. One snow cone and a lot of prodding later, we headed back to the house for naps.

Brenna seemed to be feeling much better so the kids continued to play, eat dinner and enjoy each other's company. Jim was kind enough to watch all three so Gina and I could hit the town for some Girl Time. We didn't get out until after 10:30pm because Hayden and I both wanted me there while he went to bed. However, even at that late hour we took our pre-revelry pic, enjoyed a delicious sushi dinner, then some live music at a local club. It was almost like old times when we would party hard and dance the night away. Almost. Conversation has switched from parties and boyfriends, to husbands and birth experiences. However, Gina is one of those people I can spend endless relaxed hours with, talking about everything or nothing.

The next morning was uneventful as I got us packed and ready to go. We hung around outside with the kids for awhile. Hayden was amazing at getting himself and Brenna going on the swinging seesaw. She just held on tight enjoying every second. Later in the morning we headed to the airport, with Hayden again smoothly navigating the security checkpoints, and picking out airport treats. He loved the Texas size jelly beans and choosing something new to play with. We found our seats on the plane, and again his behavior was stellar. I had bought him a deck of cards and it was so fun to teach him how to play the card game War. He totally got it, calling out which cards were bigger, then laying them out when they matched. Fillip and Logan weren't arriving home until late that night, so Hayden and I hung out with the neighbors, got my car cleaned out (which any of you who know me also know what a big and overdue project that was!), went grocery shopping, and had a couple rounds of Candyland. (Hayden won.) What was interesting to me, was despite having a fantastic weeked away together, I was much more relaxed at home, enjoying simply being with Hayden. The trip itself was great, and I am so glad we went. I love Jim and Gina and miss them tremendously. It was wonderful of them to let us stay in their beautiful home, making us part of their family for the weekend.

Fillip and Logan got in around 10:30pm. Logan was a sleepyhead, but quickly woke up to play with me for a few minutes. It felt so good to hold him and hear his chatter. He and Fillip had a fabulous time as well, sharing their many stories about the family friends they played with all weekend. We are lucky in so many ways- to have these friends to visit as family and to have boys that adapt to new situations so wonderfully.

An Overly Long Description of a Fantastic Couple Hours

2007-11-16T15:54:00.000-08:00

It's not often that I enjoy complete relaxation. At night I usually try to read a bit before bed, but am watching the clock, overly aware that I will need to be bright eyed and bushy tailed at dawn. Often I lay awake at night with my mind racing about all the things I need to do, only to get up too tired to accomplish any of them. Before the time change, I would briskly walk around the block to get a few minutes of exercise by myself, knowing that I would shortly be returning to the chaos of home. Work isn't terribly stressful, but they wouldn't exactly appreciate me sitting around here in my sweats, watching The Food Network. I have a great life, but with marriage, kids and full-time job, it isn't easy to relieve all the stress. On Tuesday, I took a stand. Several months ago I had been given a gift certificate to a local spa. It was high time I used that. It's not that I had forgotten. Oh, no.. I would periodically take it out and look at it, reviewing the "menu of services" and fantasizing about that perfect day when I would finally get there. After traveling for a few days I just took that extra day off. Working in a financial market that is dying a slow death, it's not like my presence is so critical at the office right now.

When I first arrived for my afternoon of pampering, I was actually a bit stressed. I wanted everything to be just perfect, but there was a crowd at the front desk, delaying my entry. For appearances sake I looked patient, but when it was my turn I did nicely mention that there was very little time left until my appointment, leaving no time to enjoy the extra spa features. No problem! They simply moved my appointment 30 minutes later. Oh, I love being catered to! I was given a brief tour, shown to my locker and entrusted with my giant spa robe and sandals. Let the disrobing commence. Into a robe. Hmm.... Anyway, I did make a bit of a disturbing self discovery. Although rationally I understand that I am fairly lucky, I was so self conscious about my body that I had to wear a bathing suit. On the beach, I feel like this bikini is too revealing relevant to the shape I am in, yet at the spa I may as well have been dressed from neck to ankle. Almost all the other women seemed perfectly comfortable using the jacuzzi, steam room, etc.. completely nude, yet I just couldn't do it. I have never considered myself a prude, wasn't disturbed by the other women being undressed. They were simply average, all different body types, perfectly comfortable in their own skin. Here I was, unable to let go of my insecurities with my own body- a petite body at a healthy weight. Really, no room for complaint. I find that a bit sad, yet also compelling because only I can tone up the problem areas. Despite knowing it was ridiculous, I was glad to be in my bathing suit, preferring to be comfortable for my own sake, rather than self-conscious in the name of solidarity with strangers.

My first stop was the jacuzzi. I went in completely prepared with my little cup of cucumber water and an iced washcloth. It. Felt. So. Good. The only other times I have been there were when I was pregnant. The spa kindly prepares a warm milkbath to accompany the pregnancy massage, but I had never had the opportunity to use the steaming hot jacuzzi. It took a few minutes to find my perfect spot. First, I was on the far end so I could see all that was going on, but the bench is too deep causing me to sink to my eyes. This short girl needed a shallower seat! I moved over to the third step and leaned back, only to realize that the sensation of roaring and something trying to suck the hair off my head was the drain pulling at me. Finally, I laid on the third step on the other side, where little Goldilocks found it to be Just Right. Despite using the iced washcloth, I did get overheated after awhile, so I decided to try out the cool mist room. I've never seen this before, but let me tell you how great that is!! I hate saunas and steam rooms, feeling like I am suffocating from that heat. However, after getting all warmed up in the jacuzzi, the cool mist room was like a fresh breeze. The fogginess provides a muted hushed feeling with the only sound that of the mist being gently pumped out. The light is dim, and everything is a soft haze. Although I wasn't being directly sprayed, the moisture would collect on my skin, then gently roll down in little streams. It was like being massaged by tiny ladybugs. The pleasure of all these sensations was such a wonderful surprise. I waited until I got really chilled, then hopped right back into the jacuzzi, sinking into the water like I would a warm blanket. Now, it may not be so great for my immune system to go from hot to cold to hot- again and again- but that is exactly what I did.

Despite my immersement in all these temperate sensual pleasures, I still needed to watch the clock. Even having that extra time, it passed quickly. I dried off, ditched the bathing suit, donned the giant robe and sandals then headed out to the Meditation Room to wait for my Massage Therapist. She actually met me right outside the door, and we headed down endless hushed halls, passed a hundred closed doors to the place where I would spend nearly an hour letting a stranger rub me in all the right ways. For once, I was actually brave enough to request more pressure. I usually feel completely mute, as if it would be rude to criticize the technique, when the reality is that I am paying good money to this person who likely just wants to do her best to make it a good experience. Throughout the entire massage I had the opportunity to let go of all the things that normally crowd my mind, and just concentrate on feeling. I can't easily accompish this, and found myself with an inner dialogue that was actively clearing out all the mental noise. By the time the Massage Therapist finished, I had dozed off. Although most people think this is a good thing, indicating complete relaxation, I always feel like I missed out on those last few minutes. However, I was in a happy, sleepy state and feeling like a lump of wet cotton. I re-robed, accepted the proffered cup of cucumber water, and headed back to the locker room. Despite already being later than anticipated, I took my time showering in the spa shower that has 3 shower heads spraying me, used all their fancy shower products, then took the time to blow dry my hair into complete submission. I arrived home a new, relaxed woman.

I can't tell you how much I needed that.

Two evenings of forced gaity

2007-10-31T21:31:00.000-07:00

One thing I've never liked about New Year's Eve is the pressure to have such a great time. Really, we usually don't do anything so different than usual. We have some friends over, some food, some drink. I'll make a more elaborate spread, then stress over getting it all finished in time. It's fun, but not crazy fun.

I think I have recreated that this year in Halloween. The boys were pretty good sports, humoring Mommy pretty well with a bit of prodding from Daddy to humor Mommy some more. See, I've always loved Halloween. No, that is not consistent with my faith, but I am not observing this tradition on some spiritual level. It's just plain fun. Crazy fun. For the last couple weeks I had been looking to find out when It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown would be broadcast. When I saw it was to be last night, I had my plan. On my way home from work I picked up a pumpkin to carve and set about celebrating Halloween exactly right. Now this all had been preceded a couple days ago by making ghost shaped cupcakes, so we were in the spirit.

We gave the kids dinner fairly early, then set to work. It was great fun for them...for about 5 minutes. The first sign of all this unraveling was Hayden saying he didn't want to empty the pumpkin because it's gross. Sure, I know it is. But..this is for Halloween! I told him he's a little boy, and little boys should like gross things and to Man Up! Then Fillip preceded to graphically demonstrate what that choice phrased is derived from and the boys sat there..ahem...gestering and shouting "Man up!" "You man up!" "No, you man up!!!!" Fortunately, I did not get a call from the school today. I haven't ruled it out. Soooo...Logan was man enough to empty the pumpkin and help me scrape it smooth on the inside. Fillip got the pattern traced despite having to stop to clean up the milk that went flying when the boys were fighting over a tool and knocked the cardboard into a glass of milk. We moved on to punching holes in the pumpkin. Again, fun for about 5 minutes. They both helped, but Hayden wanted to only do it himself, despite needing a little extra strength, and Logan wanted to do it himself, despite a pattern that was already laid out. However, they can definitely say they helped. We got a bat carved into our pumpkin just in time to quickly get ready for bed in time for It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown!

Logan Man-ups

Now, one thing to keep in mind. My kids don't watch any tv. This is not due to some moral standard of ours. Believe me, if they would sit still for 20 minutes and quietly pay attention to something, I would put on The Girls Next Door. However, they aren't even interested in Dora and have never sat though an entire episode of anything here. But...this is Charlie Brown. This is only on once a year. Sure, I could purchase the dvd, but that is completely uninterrupted, without the suspense-building commercials. No, they were required to sit nicely and enjoy that tv show, darnit! This went well for about..say...5 minutes. They really liked Snoopy and Charlie Brown, but the other characters were not engaging enough for my little guys. After all, the tv just sits there. It's not a toy that you can build with, or makes noise while it moves around the room. You aren't allowed to touch it like a book and flip the pages to the part of the story that you want to see. Tv is so boring! We were firm. It's a training process. We watched the entire show and even Hayden agrees that the Great Pumpkin must really exist, but he wouldn't miss tricks-or-treats to verify that. After all, we don't have a sincere pumpkin patch for miles around. The boys were finally released from all this forced festivity to go to sleep.

Halloween morning came at last. The boys were very excited to get in their costumes and head to school for the Halloween Parade and potluck. It was so cute to see the kids all dressed up. The teachers kick the parents out to the parking lot and get the kids lined up. Then they all parade out. The teachers sing Halloween songs to familiar melodies, and the kids come out each with a varied attitude to the whole thing. Most of Logan's class seemed to schlepped along. It's not like they were unwilling. They were perfectly happy to be led around, but seemed a little confused by being taken out of their normal environment and paraded in front of the parents. This was not the regular schedule! Some were more animated and would wave as they spotted their parents. Logan finally saw me and I got a bashful "Hi Mommy" as if he were slightly embarrassed, yet really proud of his big muscle-y Spiderman costume. Hey kid- remember I'm the one who got you dressed! Hayden came out with his class and seemed a little dazed as well. He was dressed up as Batman, complete with a mask that was driving him crazy. So, I'm not sure he could see all that well, but was happy when he spotted me. The kids looked absolutely adorable and the teachers had gone all out on their costumes. I took a bunch of pictures, and true to form, balled my eyes out at how freakin' cute it all was. They really did look quite proud of themselves, as they should be for being so freakin' cute!! They all went inside where we were allowed to visit...for a few minutes. They run a very tight ship there. Parents were told they could return at 11:30am for the potluck...not before. I had to go to work, but dutifully bored my co-workers with the pictures on my digital camera, that I just happened to still have in my purse. Logan as "Piderman" at the school Halloween parade.

Hayden as Batman at the school Halloween parade

Because I had not arrived at work until 11am, I couldn't leave early. I high-tailed it best I could in ridiculous L.A. traffic, picking the boys up 15 minutes late. For once, the teachers were very gracious about it, but I don't like feeling that rushed. After all, we had to quickly have dinner so we could go trick-or-treating! Dinner was not a big hit, as they were probably already very tired from their day, and excited to go out. We pushed for real food the best we could, then got them back in costume. They happily grabbed their candy bags and pumpkin flashlights and headed out into the dark night.

They seemed to enjoy going from house to house, but clearly did not get the concept. Oh, they understood that people would be giving them candy. However, they didn't understand that each house call is simply knock-knock "Trick or treat!" in goes the candy "Thank you!" and move on. Like a one night stand who didn't realize that's all it was, they wanted to stay and chat. They would ask about the pets, the train set, and had to confirm with one neighbor sitting on a dark porch that he did in fact have a front door and could get back in the house. Seriously, they wouldn't budge until he demonstrated that he could open from where he sat. Some of the neighbors seemed to enjoy the extra chatting, while others kind of stood their awkwardly with a pleading look to us to have them move along already. We got to see all kinds of cute costumes and everyone oohed and aahed over the adorable superhero brothers. We had gone down our street and across when Fillip discoverd Conan the cat following us. He apparently wanted to go trick-or-treating too. If there weren't a lot of kids around he would go right up to the doorstep. Other times he would stay by the street and patiently let strange kids touch him. I was a little more nervous and would ask them not to. He is 95% nice, but...

Trick-or-treating with my boys...including the cat

We covered all the lit up houses on our street. There was only one that was really scary. We arrived with a pack of kids, but Logan was the only one brave enough (maybe gullible enough) to approach the doorstep. Just as he got there a guy in a scary costume jumped up at him, making him cry. I felt so back for the poor unsuspecting little guy. Hayden approached cautiously and before accepting any candy suspiciously asked the ghoul "What's your name?" The ghoul just shook his head and we had to explain to Hayden that he didn't have any way to talk. Fortunately, he didn't ask questions. We revisited the school lesson that there are scary things, but they are just pretend. We only had a couple more houses to go, which were all neighbors we know. Logan made sure to tell them all about the house that scared him. He had recovered quickly and had no problem finishing his mission.

We were out for about an hour, and even though I would have been happy to go around another block, I think it was the perfect distance. They were clearly tired, but still happy. That 's a fine balance. We got home and checked out the loot!

They each got to pick a piece of candy, and within a second found the biggest ones. Hayden had a huge piece of blue taffy, and Logan tore into a big tootsy pop. That thing was so big for him that he drooled all over the front of his costume, and finally told me he was all done, then threw it away. Despite the giant pieces of candy, they each wanted more, and were very good about settling for one Hershey's kiss each and didn't ask again. Sweet Hayden offered me and Fillip each a piece without us even mentioning it. He scored big points for that move.

That blue dye can't be healthy

It took awhile to finish their candy and get them washed up, then off to bed. At that point they staged simultaneous meltdowns. I imagine that if it weren't so darn frustrating, it would have been quite impressive to watch. Despite the fantastic tantrums, they both went to bed without getting up, asking for water, wanted to pee, wanting to tell us something, bringing us a blankie, etc...

Bruce Wayne getting ready to brush his teeth

Maybe Peter Parker plays a fairy princess when he's not casting webs

I think they really did enjoy Halloween. We did all the things I had deemed relevant to build great memories and traditions. Some activities were bigger hits than others, but at the end of the day...I have a boatload of candy!

Story Time

2007-10-29T21:57:00.000-07:00

Not too surprisingly, our evenings aren't always a piece of cake. Sometimes one or both of the boys has another idea of how things should go. They are 2 and 3 so, go figure. Monday night Fillip had gone out for the evening so me and the boys got baking. The only reason Fillip's absence is relevant is because he is much more vigilent about bedtime than I am. This is not a bad thing as better rested children make for a happier family unit. However, those ghost cupcakes weren't going to make themselves.

When we got home I guided the boys at the counter with the mixer while they made the batter. Filling cupcake tins is a bit tricky, requiring more help from me. We've done this a few times though so there is always much discussion regarding how full to fill the cups. Logan tends to err on the more conservative side, while Hayden would fill them to overflowing every time. We popped them in the oven and I preceded to "remake" dinner. "Remake" meaning I grabbed the odds and ends of leftovers in the fridge to create a new pasta dish. We had 1 1/2 chicken breasts, less than one serving of several types of vegetables, and already cooked whole wheat pasta. I added some Canadian bacon, Italian diced tomatoes and tomato sauce. Those kiddos didn't even know I had snuck in the rejected spaghetti squash from the night before. Hah!

By the time we finished dinner the cupcakes were out and ready for decoration. I made a really yummy cream cheese frosting, gave them each some frosting, a spreader and a cupcake, and let them have at it. There were also sprinkles, and Hayden managed to dump a whole jar onto one cupcake. He asked how to put them back in. Sorry, you don't. They each ate their custom made ghost cupcake with varying reviews. Logan devoured his in about 2 minutes, saving just a bit of frosting to amuse himself with while Hayden poked at his. Hayden hadn't wanted strawberry cake batter, objected to Logan's choice, threw a fit in the store, and remembered this objection 2 weeks later. He so didn't want to like his cupcake. Add to that he doesn't particularly like cake, even though he likes baking, and his cupcake went the way of dinner -rejected. Decorating cupcakes

No worries, it was a fun evening anyway. We brought some over to our neighbors and played for a few minutes. When it was time to go, Hayden threw a raging fit. I knew he was overtired, and my neighbor likely could see it too. I carried him out, plunked them into the tub for an express bath and helped the boys into jammies. By this time, it was about 8:30pm, very late for them. As I was brushing Logan's teeth, Hayden came in with a mouth full of something. It was candy- the same candy I had repeatedly told him he couldn't have. He does understand that, yet blatantly defied me. As much as I hated to do it, after putting up with him not eating his dinner, still indulging him by letting him have a cupcake, then his tantrum at the neighbor's house, he had to go to bed without a story. I told Logan to pick out a book, then wait for me on the couch while I tucked in his brother. Fortunately, Hayden seemed to recognize his own exhaustion and climbed right into bed. I snuggled him for a few minutes talking about the otherwise pleasant evening we had spent together. He did say something that made me laugh. "Mommy, do you know what my favorite part about making cupcakes is?" I would have guessed either operating the mixer or decorating them. "Eating them!!" Well, this didn't seem particularly accurate, but the way he said it was so endearing I had to laugh. I tucked him in and went out to Logan on the couch.

When I came into the family room, Logan had done exactly what he was told. He had selected a book and was waiting on the couch. What I hadn't anticipated was to find him reading a story to Conan- the cat. Conan seemed happy to give his full attention. He was laying there calmly, watching what that little imp was showing him, likely just relieved the little imp wasn't pulling his tail. Let's face it- that cat is happy to get any attention. Needless to say, I thought this was absolutely adorable. Despite the more challenging moments of the evening, it really was a nice ending to a sweet evening with the boys. Story time for Conan
Click on the link to see the video- so cute!!http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y130/mdesser/?action=view&current=MVI_0543.flv

The first number two

2007-10-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

Despite all the drama I seemed to have absorbed due to the wildfires that are in not directly affecting me, we did have a significant event in our house last night.

Like clockwork each evening Logan poops during dinner. He makes a bit of a strained announcement, then leans over in his seat, face turning completely purple as he works so hard to relieve himself. He has always made this face, and it has always struck us as hilarious. Sometimes his little tongue pokes out to help. What's not funny is having to change that diaper every night during dinner. Since he does seem to know in advance I have been loosely encouraging him to go sit on the potty. Well, last night he did!! He announced "Mommy I poop" and I quickly unbuckled his seat so he could run like the dickens to the bathroom. Sure enough, our timing was perfect and his face didn't turn nearly as purple.

I'd like to think that this is the beginning of the end of changing Logan's diapers. However, I really don't believe he is ready to potty train. Maybe we'll get him on there for these evening excavations, but he seems to have no interest otherwise. That doesn't mean I'm not celebrating this small success. My son #2 did his #1 #2 last night!!!

So Cal Fires- A broader perspective

2007-10-22T12:59:00.001-07:00

Yesterday we left our niece's birthday party, on a miserably windy day, not the least bit surprised to see huge plumes of smoke on the horizon. We played the game where we guess exactly where it is burning (Piru, Fillip won, hands down) and commented matter of factly how this is so typical for the season. As I drove down the hill I could see a new fire starting off to the east. There were wisps of white smoke and no emergency vehicles yet. I still don't know if this is the origin of the Agua Dulce fire that has destroyed so much, or one of many more minor fires in the area that did get extinguished. Either way, by the time we turned on the news a couple hours later, Southern California was being subjected to over a dozen major blazes and the smoke all around made me think of all those apocalyptic movies I've seen through the years. Watching the news coverage, we could see the mass destruction from the arial views provided. It gave a perspective of the vast acreage being consumed all around familiar landmarks. We tried to help the kids understand by pointing out the beach we go to where the fire was only yards away. We showed them the water helicopters flying over our house and explained their purpose. The kids seemed unimpressed with the relavance of this information.

The news coverage was going between several fires and we even saw coverage of a house that didn't yet have fire personnel nearby with hoses, being protected by a bulldozer. Maybe 15 minutes later, that house had been consumed on live television, and I could only wonder if the residents of that house were watching in heartbreak, or wondering somewhere in fear that their home was no more. The media constantly gives updates with phrases such as "fortunately, only 9 homes have been lost." Not exactly fortunate for those 9 families. Obviously, overnight those numbers have greatly increased. At what point would that reporter consider this unfortunate? Whenever I see a fire on the horizon, especially when there are so many at once, I feel a constant nervousness. I compulsively check news reports and watch the smoke. I'm not sure if this is a residual of my own personal experience of running out of our burning home when I was 14 (not a a brush fire) or some instinctive reaction to fire. However, I can't help this constant knot of dread in my heart for the devastation these fires bring. The media sensationalizes the loss of structures (as if it isn't already sensational enough), yet there is no mention of the thousands of animals that perish. There is no mention of the absolute panic all these animals must feel as a wall of fire approaches, then takes over. Although there is due appreciation for those fire fighters who put their lives on the line, it pains me to think of wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, children and friends watching the drama unfold, hoping that these brave people come home safe. Although the scope of a particular fire will be finite, confined to a calculated number of acres and structures, the lives affected are countless.

Maybe it is no wonder I sit here like a skittish cat on a windy day.

So Cal Fires- A self absorbed point of view

2007-10-22T12:08:00.000-07:00

Far away from any brush fire, in the middle of Los Angeles, I sit on the 31st floor seeing smoke on the horizon in every direction. Yesterday morning I woke up to dry hot winds and said "This is my least favorite weather." The Santa Ana winds and accompanied fires bring back childhood memories of Halloween asthma attacks and the local emergency room. Because we lived in a small valley surrounded by brush, wildfires often raged around us through the fall months. For some reason, I strongly associate these with Halloween, even though logically I know there were only select years of the hills burning on Halloween. A couple years brought a "ring of fire"- we would be unable to come or go from our little city until the fires were contained. The smoke would settle on the valley floor, creating the most miserable conditions I could imagine when it came to my asthma. There was always a question on Halloween whether or not I would be breathing well enough to go trick-or-treating, or instead would spend the evening handing out candy in my costume, pretending that I felt just fine. Fortunately, I have no recollection of ever missing out on begging for candy door to door, but it was a concern most years. Generally, I would spend the day resting in my parents' bed, watching tv, while my mom came in periodically to give me medicine and check on me. It would feel like I had a steel beam sitting on my chest, constricting my lungs, causing pain and sapping me of all energy. From a child's perspective, that is no reason to miss out on trick-or-treats, and I would put on a great act of recovery in order ease my parents' minds about letting me go out. The prize: a pillow case full of candy. The price: being absolutely miserable, and possibly in the emergency the next day.

Now as a parent, I am gaining a new perspective. Waking up to those winds yesterday, my first thought was not about my own shortness of breath, but about the wheezing I knew I would hear from Logan. Sure enough, he was coughing and wheezing, even though he wasn't complaining at all. Never does. At only 2 years old, he already has some sense that he might miss something if he doesn't feel well. As the smoke hovered in the air I couldn't help but feel so bad for that little boy trying to push air into those little lungs that are already polluted with smoke particles. Yes, I am being slightly dramatic here as a) the smoke wasn't so thick where we were, and b) he really was acting fine. However, my memories of those times are terribly vivid and it pains me to think of him suffering in the same way. Fillip tends to look at him and say that he seems just fine so I shouldn't worry. Probably, he is right. However, from personal experience I do know that being short of breath is no barrier to running around, playing and doing all those typical kid things. A kid will just keep on doing those things despite the discomfort. When I finally would get to the point where I was visibly laboring or despondant, that asthma would have a vise grip on my lungs that was not easily loosened. When Logan got sick enough to be admitted to the hospital earlier this year, neither of us picked up on it until he was nearly blue and completely limp. He has gone to school, and even his teachers weren't concerned until he was in really terrible shape. He will run around until he simply can't. That is what worries me.

The bright side is, we already have an arsenal of weapons for fighting his asthma attacks. The pediatrician has given very clear instructions on when to start up those breathing treatments again (Now!), when to double up medications and how to keep him comfortable. This little guy is benefitting by years more of medical research than I had at hand. Hopefully, my memories of those times are also a help, letting me be in tune with his breathing patterns, and sensitive to his discomfort. Hopefully, we can keep it all under control, and he never has a memory of going to the ER to get some relief in a cold, sterile place. Today he is closer to these fires than I am. I am guessing the smoke is heavy in the air and noticeable with every breath. I have to get through my day with the faith that he is getting along just fine, or that we just start up meds when we get home. It seems that some of the wisdom I gain in parenting every day is to know when to swallow the worry and let him guide me. I know this- I never regretted one trick-or-treat, no matter how bad the breathing got. Never. It's that vivid memory of childhood that now needs to work to our benefit.

Rosh Hashanah

2007-09-14T23:35:00.000-07:00

We had a nice holiday with the usual whirlwind of friends and family. This year had an added bonus- Synagogue babysitting! For the first time in years, I could sit and relax through a service, with Fillip. Usually one or both of us are so occupied with containing the kids or taking them outside, that I don't even crack open a prayer book. They boys were happy to go where the other kids were and jumped on in, despite being among people they have never met. The babysitters are the synagogue preschool teachers and were happily surprised by my kids' ability to have us just walk away. Today we went to a children's service first with music and singing. When it came time to march around outside, they lined right up, leaving me in the dust.

At the end of the day, the rabbi welcomes kids to come up to the front to see all that is taking place. Yesterday, Hayden was looking up and the rabbi welcomed him right onto the bima. Well, my little ham just loved that and was practically working the crowd! Logan was outside with Fillip and missed all the fun, but had his chance today. All the kids get to go up for the shofar blowing, then sit back down. Not Hayden, with the rabbi's blessing, he welcomed congregants up to open the ark and introduce prayers. Of course, he also made me look like a total schmuck. I was trying to get him to wear his kippah. He would put it on, then off, then hold it out to me, and even dangled it over the edge before just opening his fingers and letting drop all the way down. Then, I was trying to get him to come down while he would fake me out and run the other way. People all around me were snickering. I can only hope they were laughing and relating to when their own kids tortured them in public, rather than thinking that my son was totally out of control!! I finally snatched him back to our seats where he sat very nicely.

Logan was making friends with the lady next to me. He told her my name (which I didn't realize he knows), announced VERY loudly that Fillip is his Daddy, and nearly fell asleep at one point. Once he realized he had almost fallen asleep, he quickly bounced over to be restless near me. I tried to reason with him asking him to notice how nicely everyone was sitting in his seats to which he responded "not me!" Very astute, that one! Overall, they really did do well and I was so proud of them. Despite having a very different schedule and being asked to stay in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people, they really rose to the occasion.

My little menchalach

Logan's 2nd Birthday

2007-09-03T21:47:00.001-07:00

My baby is two years old!!!!! Logan is such a sweetheart. He loves to help, can be very stubborn, talks up a storm and most people even understand him. He still has such delicious cheeks I want to eat him up, and blue eyes that will melt your heart. There is still a hint of baby left, but he is rapidly growing up.

Logan had quite the extended and happy birthday. As hot as it was, I think people enjoyed themselves. We put out some chips and dips, and served mac n cheese, hot dogs, and fruit salad (peaches, plums, blueberries, nectarines), and the cake. The boys were so excited to see the yard set up in the morning. My husband and I had been up until 2am finishing various things. Despite having so much to do to (mostly) finish the house, we really had it much more together when the guests arrived than we usually do. I had even showered, gotten dressed and put on makeup. This time I decided to do that early, and anything else could be delayed a few minutes. It turned out just fine, and the cleanup later was surprisingly easy. Logan LOVED his cake and all the water stuff. He really had a good time and was very excited all day. He ate a hot dog and tons of mac n cheese- his favorite stuff. Most of our friends and family were there and he was excited to see everyone. Despite the crazy heat, a lot of people stayed outside on the patio, even my very pregnant gf's. It's always great to have our friends over as they lend such a warmth to any gathering. Logan was absolutly delighted to have everyone sing to him. It was adorable to see that huge grin as he looked around at everyone. Despite the hard work and lack of sleep, my little sweetie was so happy. I'll do that again any day!

The boys wrestling with Daddy. The upside down one is the Birthday Boy. There was no way he was letting go of his new Big Fish!!

The Logan Express birthday cake. Gee, why is it I don't get any sleep? Oh yeah, this crazy mommy stays up all night decorating a cake! Seriously, Logan loved his cake. When I asked him what his favorite part about his party was he said "My cake choo choo twain." I love that kid!!

Blowing out the candles- got it on the first try!!

Another thing my Dad was so right about

2007-08-16T22:45:00.000-07:00

My Dad would never say goodbye. It didn't matter how long you would be gone. He considered it bad luck. He would only say "See you later" because you knew you would see each other again. When I gave my eulogy for my Dad, I ended with "See you later, Dad." And now I have. Since Logan was a tiny baby I have seen my Dad come through that face. Sometimes it is those incredibly full cheeks and lips. Sometimes it is in his intense expressions. Sometimes I can't even pin my finger on it, but know with every fiber of my being that I am looking not just at my son, but at my father as well.

How I get through the day

2007-08-08T22:05:00.001-07:00

Early morning I went into Hayden's room to give him a snuggle and kiss him before leaving for work. As I put my arms around him, a distinctive noise rumbled under the covers. Because he is a 3 year old boy, he started giggling uncontrollably. "Heh heh...'scuse me....heh heh heh...That was...heh heh..heh...hehh... YOU!!!" Then he wasn't the only one giggling. Little bugger has already learned to hot box the bed then blame the other person!

Two of my girlfriends gave birth on Saturday. Congratulations to both families! Yesterday I got to visit my best friend's new nephew. I was telling Hayden about it, saying I got to meet his friend's new baby brother.
Hayden - "His new baby brother?"
Me - "Yes."
Hayden - "But, how did his other one break?"

Hayden - "Mommy, why are you putting on makeup?"
Me - "Because I like the way I look better."
Hayden - "But, you are already pretty the way you are. You don't need any makeup."
Does it get any better than that?

Simply Life

2007-08-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

Often, I find it so hard to balance all the moving parts of my life. Some days it's harder than others. This week I've had several evening commitments, which is very unusual. I rarely make plans that take place before the kids go to bed. If I do, they are generally with me. The one exception is my monthly Book Club. Even then, I get there a little late so I don't miss much of the kids' evening. Monday, I got to work to find out we had a business dinner that evening. No time to go home between work and dinner. Fillip had no issue, but I felt so bad not seeing them! It's rare, so not a big deal, and overall I had a great time at one of the best restaurants in Los Angeles. Tuesday, I had Book Club, so I spent time with the kids and got there really late. Didn't help that Logan had lost a sneaker so I had to stop at Target to get a new pair. (Despite thorough searching by both of us, that sneaker was nowhere to be found yesterday morning.Of course, it just turned up tonight!)

Although work isn't busy right now, I had several slightly stressful moments. One was having my car stall out on a very busy boulevard. It started right up, but I need to get it checked. It didn't want to start when I left work and felt like it was running pretty rough all the way home. Then, the zipper to my purse broke. Given that the lining is already ripped, it's time to let it go. Yes, I realize that is trivial, but it did not help my day!

Tonight, I had another business dinner, although this one was just our department as a farewell dinner for the summer intern. Not crucial, but I do think it helps to spend time with each other to keep a repoire going. I told them I'd be late, but that I'd be there. I left work a little early so I could spend time with the kids. Because my car wasn't running well, I stopped home to get a different one. When I got to the preschool, Hayden's teacher said he was really tired and not playing. Within 10 minutes he had spiked a fever of 103. Although I always feel bad when they get sick, I felt especially bad that he would be missing his very last day with his friends at that school. However, there wasn't much I could do about that. We spent some extra time there and headed home. I spoke with my boss to say I wouldn't make it to dinner.

When we got home, Hayden went to lie down, and Fillip and I went in search of a thermometer. The ones we have are still in boxes in the garage. While we were searching, we heard a blood curdling scream from Logan. He had done a faceplant in the driveway from his little truck. There was lots of blood. I scooped him up and brought him in for cleanup. Fortunately, he had only a little scraping around his mouth. The blood was from his tongue, which he bit....again. That little guy is going to have the funkiest looking tongue around! It stopped bleeding shortly, and didn't seem to bother him too much.

At this point I told Fillip I was going out for a thermometer and some Motrin for Hayden, who was still feverish on his bed. When I got back, they were eating pizza. Hayden devoured a huge dinner, especially for him. Logan too, letting me know his tongue is fine. However, Logan must have been exhausted. He completely melted down, throwing a classic toddler tantrum. I finally had a sandwich after 8:30pm once they went to bed. I only had to get up once to tend to them, then all was quiet.

Some days leave me completely wrung out.

At least his hands match his bed.

2007-08-02T21:32:00.000-07:00

We've made the big decision to switch the boys' school. We've seen a rapid decline not only in their curriculum, but in the actual care they are getting. Although I feel sad that they are leaving the place they know and love, I feel so bitter about the situation that I am really excited to have them in a completely new environment. The new school is a montessori where friends of ours send their daughter. It is much smaller and a non-profit organization. All the kids were engaged in different activities and the longer the teacher spoke with me, the more sure I was about this program. They even cook on Thursdays during the summer - Sold!

Just a few of the things that have been bothering us about their current school:

There are rats! Need I say more about this one?

A seeming lack of curriculum. We have no idea what they do all day, and the teachers who are there at pick up can't seem to tell us. The director didn't seem to know either.

Excessive teacher turnover - It seems that there is a new teacher every week. We don't know who each one is, and often mistake them for other parents.

Short staffing, resulting in even less programming.

They aren't given drinks with their afternoon snack. Last week Logan was asking for water as I came in. The kids were having crackers and he was thirsty. I spent a few minutes in each classroom gathering their things. When I returned, he was still asking for water. When I asked the teacher if he had been given any, she said no. After questioning Hayden tonight we realized they simply aren't given a drink with their afternoon snack! There are days when it is 100 degrees outside. I would think they should be given a drink while on the playground, and immediately upon coming inside.

Yesterday, Logan's diaper was so full, his shorts were wet. His face was also dirty. He deserves so much better than that.

And finally- this is minor in comparison to the last two issues, but this is how we found Hayden today. He said he had been "ice painting." See those red hands? The teachers couldn't tell us this, but when we called, the director said they had been painting with ice and food coloring! She didn't know that food coloring is dye.

Yea, we feel pretty good about changing schools.

Too many choices

2007-07-20T22:50:00.000-07:00

I'll never be accused of being too decisive. Our house has come along way since I took this picture, but I still haven't decided on all the paint colors I want to use. Any thoughts?

Silly boys

2007-07-20T22:35:00.001-07:00

Sometimes they are just fun to watch.

Lunchbox Selection, Take II

2007-07-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

These days Logan is very aware himself and what belongs to him. He doesn't spend to much time shouting "Mine!" but instead loves to show you his things or make sure he is included in a statement. If we say we are going for a walk, he will point to his chest and say "And me?" When someone comes in the house he goes running off shouting "my woom!" (my room!) The visitor will then need to quickly go see his room before he goes running the other way yelling "my buvva woom!!" where he will show off Hayden's room as well. He proudly points these things out as if he designed them himself. One thing the boys have tussled over (among many things) are their lunchboxes. Or, rather, the two lunchboxes Hayden has that Logan gets to use as well. I decided it was time for Logan to pick one for himself.

Unlike last time, having Logan select his lunchbox seemed like a non-event. I didn't get misty. I didn't put it off for some silly emotional reasons. We just hadn't gotten to it yet. But now he is in the Two's class. Even by Hayden's discriminating standards this makes Logan a Big Boy, not a Baby. So, it was time. I used the same method I did for Hayden, presenting two lunchboxes so Logan could eliminate one at a time. Like his brother he was very decisive and consistent about what he liked. Hayden had to be reminded not to influence Logan and just let him decide for himself. That sorta worked...not! The last lunchbox I grabbed was a Thomas the Train. No surprise there that as my little engineer saw that his entire face lit up and he started yelling "My shoo shoo dane!!!" Well, that was it. A very excited Logan got to take home the perfect lunchbox, HIS lunchbox. He now carries that lunchbox everywhere he can, delighted to have his very own choo choo train. It's these little things that I find so rewarding.

I've Been Around the Block a Few Times

2007-07-12T13:32:00.001-07:00

Being that my latest goal is to find a balance between the Rat Race and enjoying life, I have been trying to take the kids for a walk each evening and on weekend mornings. It's a chance to burn off some of that extra energy, and they love getting out and running around. I do too. We started out taking their ride-on cars, but that didn't work out so well. Hayden would zoom way ahead, and Logan would quickly tire of it, so I would have to carry his home. One morning we even made it over to the lake (yes, here in the middle of Los Angeles) where the boys chased an entire flock of ducks into the water. Good fun. We will be spending lots of time there.

They are friendly souls, so our evening walks around the block have also facilitated meeting many of the neighbors I would otherwise just give a vague friendly nod to as we go around the block. My kids literally stop cold when they see someone (actually there are a hundred reasons they stop, making a walk around a small block a very long journey indeed. ie: A garage opens. A garage closes. A dog barks. A neighbor opens his door. There are flowers.) Once the targeted neighbor notices the two staring boys they generally stop whatever fascinating activity they were doing and say hello. I stand by like the not-so-bright cousin that the boys were kind enough to include in their day. They will then pepper the neighbor with burning questions and tidbits such as: How do you open your garage? Do you use a button? Does it open in one piece? My garage is closed. Is that your car? It looks like my Grandpa's car. Is that your dog? I have two cats. Does your car go in your garage? Why?

I say "they" ask questions, but really Hayden fires them off while Logan stands by supportively in the interrogation, with a few words echoed in agreement- Bappa cah (Grandpa car), my Booboo dat (Voodoo the cat). Sometimes, they get a few obliging answers, then less elaboration until the neighbor looks at me in panic as if to say I should call off the hounds. At this point I step in and introduce myself and the fact that we just moved in. Sometimes (well, once) the older neighbor offers the boys a cookie, disappears inside for a minute, then comes back and hands them each an entire sleeve of Saltine crackers. They dutifully thanked him, ate as many crackers as they could before they ran out of saliva, then happily handed the packages to me for the remainder of the walk. Gee, thanks. (**disclaimer: Yes, I let my kids eat crackers given to them by a complete stranger. I just figure, since he didn't know we were coming around, I'm guessing he didn't have pre-poisened crackers at the ready. He's just a nice old man who enjoyed giving something to the kids.)

Although Logan is not a reserved child, Hayden is the clear leader between them. Whatever antics Hayden has, Logan will try to mimic. I find this endlessly amusing, greatly enjoying lagging a bit behind to watch them. Each time we come across paver stepping stones, Hayden wants to play hopscotch. He very deliberately steps to each one solemnly saying "hopscotch" with each step. Then, Logan does the same thing saying "obskah" with each step. It's like a ritual as they are very serious about this, and there is no abbreviating the process if I'm impatient to move on. Trying to get them to move on, just makes them go through the ritual several more times at least. Sometimes they run ahead. Sometimes they lag behind. Sometimes they hold hands. They are always mindful of what the other one is doing. Sometimes they even include me or want to hold my hand.

I have to say, although it would be great to take another family vacation, or some big outing, these evening walks bring me such joy. The boys are content, and getting to be boys. I get to be with them while enjoying our new neighborhood. Mostly, there is time to stop and smell the flowers instead of constantly trying to "accomplish" something, and not really experiencing anything.

A Day Late and a Scoop Short

2007-07-06T15:17:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned, yesterday was our 4th wedding anniversary. It doesn't seem very long after knowing each other over 19 years, but a lot has happened in the last four. In that time we went from a hip young couple, living in sin, enjoying happy hours with co-workers, spontaneously going away for the weekend to parents of two gorgeous boys, homeowners and homebodies. I don't even miss our hip lifestyle. Anyone who knows us can tell you we weren't all that hip to begin with.

Our "big" celebration was humble, but very nice. Fillip made a yummy dinner on our New Stove and opened a bottle of wine. The kids were happy and well-behaved all through dinner, so we decided to go out for icecream. This is a huge abberation in our schedules. Dinner is generally followed by bath-story-bed. When the kids are especially tired (after all, I'm not going to blame it on the parents!), the bath is optional.

Last night we piled the boys into the car for an impetuous outing- less elaborate than weekends in Laguna, but for me, the Icecream Queen, still loads of fun. Me might have been pushing the limits of good behavior from the kids. They were overtired from staying up late for fireworks, so not at their most charming. However, we were on a mission and persevered.

Fillip got Logan a scoop- chocolate mousse. He gets extra points for having the maturity to pick a good flavor. Fillip got him a taster spoon to make sure he liked it and they went to sit down at a little kids table. Well, Logan only wanted that little spoon, dismissively pushing his actual scoop of icecream aside as if it were so annoying. Go figure. Eventually, he wound up on the floor, in a fortunately quiet tantrum, kicking his legs and spinning around on his back like a 1987 breakdancer. Nice moves kid, now get up!!

I lifted Hayden to look in the icecream case to pick his flavor. He immediately decided on the bright blue raspberry sherbet. I got him a taster spoon and asked him if he liked it. He did, but then very sadly and hesitantly asked "Can I have more?" Poor kid thought we drove all that way for the little taste. He was a happy kid to sit down with his junior scoop of blue icecream that still stains his face.

So, all this sounds like the most mundane of anniversary celebrations, but the fact is, we had a really great time. Saturday night we are going out alone for a more grownup type of evening, but our actual anniversary was pretty near perfect. We have come a long way in four years.

Oh yeah- and we've been married 4 years today!!

2007-07-05T14:27:00.001-07:00

Being that we were married 4 years ago today, it seems that I should be reflecting on our wedding day, and all that we have accomplished in the last 4 years. However, being that we found out I was pregnant with Hayden the day before our wedding, on July 4th, our family has been the context of our marriage literally from day one. In that sense, it seems sufficient to say Happy Anniversary Honey (to the man who doesn't read this anyway) and move on to how great our day turned out yesterday.

Our 4th of July had only some of the usual hectic quality of all our holidays. My brother and sister-in-law came over for breakfast. It was the maiden voyage on our new stove. Whooey! That baby rocks! Logan and I even made brownies together later in the day. This was the first time Stevie and Joyce could sit and relax with us in the house, without the sounds of power tools and sledgehammers. Fillip, the Master cook made a delicious breakfast and it was nice to have a relaxing meal around the table.

Logan went down shortly for a much needed nap, and Hayden soon after. However, Hayden didn't sleep and ended up spending another useless afternoon in his room not napping. I always find this so frustrating, preferring to have him nap, then up and chipper to play. Not to be, but we did our best, mindful that fireworks weren't starting until 9pm, and we didn't want emotional fireworks from tired kids. Last year Hayden took a cue from our niece and absolutely freaked out over the fireworks. We knew it was hit and miss with both boys, and wanted to increase our odds of having a good time.

We headed out to Fillip's brother and sister-in-law's house aka: The Capital of Domestic Suburbia USA for an evening of swimming, bbq and spectacular fireworks. The fireworks are launched from the school below their house, and burst seemingly right in front of us. They reflect off the pool water, and the repurcussions rebound from the surrounding hills. Not just a few lights way up in the sky. It's an experience. We used to be at least slightly drunk and half naked in the jacuzzi for the show. Times have changed a bit, and we try to make sure the kids are jammied up, and near the door to the house in case they get scared. Only one of us gets to be slightly drunk, so we can jet down the hill before the traffic builds up.

Fillip had suggested leaving early being that our kids were pretty tired by 7:30pm. However, we delayed little by little, and before we knew it, the clock said 8:45pm. No sense leaving yet. We could always bail if the kids melted down. I got Hayden in his jammies and let Logan be since he was half asleep and content on Fillip's lap. Hayden snagged us a prime spot on a cushy chaise lounge- love that kid! By the time the show started, both kids were on the lounge chair with me, Hayden tucked into my left side, and Logan on my lap leaning back against me. When the fireworks started, they were beside themselves with excitement. Their faces lit up with the sky and each shout of "Whoa!" by Hayden was quickly echoed by a "Vo!!" from Logan. They were clapping and cheering, and I could feel them giggling against me. I've never enjoyed a fireworks show more, and it had nothing to do with the quality of the show.

After about 20 minutes, Hayden got restless, and therefore Logan did too. Hayden wanted the show to stop, but didn't want to leave. He wasn't cranky, just done. Fillip took a very sleepy Logan to the car and said Hayden and I should join them the second the grand finale ended. If any of you have ever seen the immigrant crossing signs on the highway near San Diego, you can get an idea of what Hayden and I looked like heading for the car last night. It paid off, we made it down the hill before the traffic built up, avoiding sitting in a mess, and more importantly, avoiding a very cranky Fillip. What really cracked me up was the transition from party mode to nuclear family with little kids mode. The house across the street had a dj thumping some really great party music. When Hayden and I got outside, Fillip had the car running and pulled up ready to go. As I got in the Volvo station wagon, the thumping music changed to the lilting tunes of Kindermusik. It was a marked change and so funny to me.

The kiddos were contentedly happy and sleepy in the back seat. I will forever cherish the very special memory of those sweet little boys infusing giggles and joy into me as we sat there together on what could otherwise be considered a typical July 4th celebration.

2007-07-05T14:27:00.000-07:00

Look's like I've still got it!!

2007-07-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

My niece's wedding was absolutely beautiful. She was a stunning bride, and the groom's not too shabby either! The setting up in the Malibu hills is gorgeous and we couldn't have asked for better weather. The girls all gathered for pre-game hair and makeup, and let's admit it, just to hang out before the wedding. There was a hairdresser there, and as you will see by the last pic a make-up "Artist." I had the honor of driving Marlena to the wedding site and handed her the iPod to set whatever tone she wanted. Silly girl- we belted out the Cellblock Tango from Chicago. Maybe the words don't seem quite appropriate for beginning wedded bliss, but the stress relief of belting out a great song was exactly what was needed. We sang and laughed as we zoomed through the tunnels, arriving with a much more relaxed bride.

There were many tears and smiles throughout the day, as we are a very emotional family. The toasts were poignant and sweet, showing much love for the bride and groom. I had forgotten to write my toast, so had to wing it. It came off ok, one comment coming off as a surprisingly well-timed joke. I'm not that funny so just kinda went with it. Typical me, I got too choked up to finish a sentence, ended in tears and just held up my glass to signify the toast. My niece couldn't hold it together either. We are just that way. After a delicious dinner raucous dancing ensued and we all went home tired and happy.

Here are some pics of the four of us:

My little man Hayden.

Logan could have used a nap.

Fillip seemed to be checking out the goods while we posed for a picture. Yeah baby!!

blubblubblub

2007-06-29T23:04:00.000-07:00

That's the sound of me coming up for a breath.

Things should settle down now. That's the plan anyway. All the bridal showers, bachelorette parties and weddings were beautiful. I'll just leave it at that.

The house is coming along nicely. Fillip and his Dad have done an amazing job. They are absolutely exhausted, each skin and bones, but hopefully proud of what they have accomplished. There is still much to be done, but no major construction. Living here is no longer like camping, and almost civilized. We are sleeping in beds, with sheets, rather than on an air mattress. We found our plates so no longer use plastic ones that I washed over and over. The refrigerator is now inside the house, although it is too tall for the space (sorry cabinets.. I know Fillip is going to take a sledgehammer to you shortly!) Next week we will even have appliances!! Cooking on the bbq is fine as a lark, but we are definitely over all takeout for a long time to come.

The kids are excited about the way their rooms are turning out. Logan was beside himself with joy when Fillip brought in his crib. Hayden shows off his room and his red wall, soon to be blue. They seem to really have taken ownership of the place and I love seeing it.

Day to day we are exhausted. Fillip is still working all day on the house. I work a full day, then spend a couple hours in the car by the time I pick up the kids and get home. We are working on finding a balance as I simply can't keep this up. Maybe I should get to bed earlier...spend less time on the computer.... No way!! After 3 weeks without it, I was going through withdrawal!!

Anyway, I figured I should post even a feable update as I had gotten many comments about my lack of posts. (You guys know who you are!! )

Kids are out cold, and I am going to go do the same.

If These Walls Could Talk

2007-05-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

We took possession of our very own home today. After weeks of haggling, stress over closing escow, some hives and tears..we signed the paperwork yesterday and it recorded today. Boy do we have a lot of work to do in the next couple weeks! We bought a house with a lot of great potential. In the next couple weeks we will reconfigure half the walls, redo all the electrical, repipe, replace all the windows, install central heat and airconditioning, remodel at least one bathroom, refinish floors and paint. We are hoping our budget supports remodeling the kitchen as well. Apparently, the kitchen is modular. It had a false ceiling and removable counters and cabinets.

Within an hour of getting the keys, we had a pizza picnic ina the living room. I opened a good bottle of wine, and Fillip and his dad began opening walls. Because they are mostly false walls, they came down quite easily. The house was full of great bangs, rumblings, piles of debris and a cloud of dust, but actually looked much better. We could see from one room to another and start to see our vision coming true. We were pretty surprised and very amused to find messages carved into the walls. The middle of the house felt like no man's land- too narrow to be a room, but wide to be a hallway. The hanging chandlier reminded me of a 19th century saloon. Well, someone else saw it differently and we found "Welcome to Hal's Galley" carved into the header beam along with other things I couldn't make out. Given the dark wood paneling, I can imagine sitting in there, rocking back and forth and hearing those old walls creak. I bet those walls have got some great stories.

We just aren't chicken nugget people

2007-04-17T13:41:00.000-07:00

At 19 months, Logan seems to have reached peak cuteness. I know I keep saying that about each of them, but each age brings it's own challenges and charm. As challenging as Logan can be, he is unbelievably charming every day. Sometimes Hayden is his best straight man.

Last night I made a dinner that most wouldn't consider to be so kid-friendly. Mind you, I did make mac n' cheese as a backup, but didn't let the kids know about that. I prefer to let them think they have no options other than eat what I made or go to bed hungry. They have yet to go to bed hungry. However, since Hayden has professed to dislike both asparagus and shrimp, I figured the shrimp and asparagus pasta might be asking too much. As always, he surprised me, tasted everything, and decided he likes shrimp after all. Logan previously demonstrated that shrimp are better than life itself, demanding "mo!" again and again. He is a purist and likes them unadulterated by any type of breading. He will methodically peel off any breading to get to the delicious delicacy within. This has greatly amused my friends on more than one occasion. Obviously, the secret mac n' cheese was not intended for this little guy. In addition to the shrimp and asparagus pasta we also had king crab legs. Mmmm! Both kids gladly tried this new pink and interesting food. Hayden gave it good reviews, gladly having more. Logan demanded we keep it coming without delay. We couldn't crack it fast enough, and didn't even realize we were each giving it to him, still not keeping up. Now, I can see a baby going wild over candy, icecream or even some sweet fruit. I had not anticipated that shellfish would get him going. At one point, Fillip thought he wanted more shrimp and popped a piece into his mouth. It took us a minute to realize that the spontaneous sobs and fat rolling tears were his disappointment that this bite was not crab. Ok, sheesh!!

Toward the end of dinner, Hayden let out a huge belch. Since we have two little boys, it isn't surprising that this induced fits of giggles on both sides of the table. And, whatever one boy thinks is funny will be sure to amuse the other, making their giggles self perpetuating. Fillip and I both sat there trying to keep a straight face and asking Hayden "what do you say?" We are big on please, thank you and excuse me. As we sat there being total hard asses, serious as we could be over this breach in decorum, Logan looks at Hayden with as much attitude as any hormonal adolescent would muster and says " 'scuse you!"

So much for decorum.

Sometimes the smallest victories are the greatest.

2007-04-16T15:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes "people" can be grumpy. Often for no particular reason, at least that the rest of us can figure out. Yesterday, was one of those days. Fillip just seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed...all day.

After several weeks of being non-stop busy, we wanted to do something fun with the kids, so went over to Travel Town where both boys were absolutely delighted by the trains. The weather was nice enough, Hayden got "green soda" (7-Up) and Logan was insistent on that bag of Ruffles chips way up there. He was absolutely determined to run back to the hot dog cart vendor to get those chips, not that he's ever seen them in our house. We took a ride on the train where the kids alternately yelled "All aboooaarrd!!" and "Choo chooo!" around the entire park. Logan's eyes were the size of saucers the whole time as he exclaimed in wonder.

Prior to leaving, we had insisted on naptime. Logan goes down like he is relieved to finally get a break from his rough schedule, and Hayden acts as if we are telling him to spend an hour in a pot of acid. Fillip finally got Hayden to sleep, but for various reasons that sleep was brief. I was slightly concerned that he would melt down early, but both boys were great. On the way home, Fillip wasn't quite a ray of sunshine. I was trying to just ignore it and not make a scene in front of the kids, trying to quietly deflect the tension. All of a sudden, Hayden pipes up from the backseat "Daddy, maybe you need a nap."

Indeed.

Lollipop Kids, Generation 3

2007-04-12T10:39:00.000-07:00

From left to right: Logan, Sami and Hayden

The joys of photoshop!

Ok, so it's been awhile.
Work is busy, blah blah blah
Home is busy, blah blah blah
Still house hunting, yada yada yada

Like being busy is in any way unique. I do understand it's not, but that doesn't make me any less exhausted.

Logan is now in the Big Shoe Phase. He excitedly identifies whose shoes he sees "Shoosh mamas!" then quickly rips off his own and puts on the bigger ones he finds. Last night he was clomping around in a pair of medium heeled slides. It was so hilarious to watch as a very determined Logan made his way down the hall from our bedroom, holding onto the wall for balance simply to show Daddy the wonderful "Shoosh!" he had found. He was in a t-shirt and shorts with those little Munchkin legs coming up out of the shoes and those tiny sock clad feet taking up maybe a tenth of the shoe. If I were to stand my shoe on end, it would probably be taller than his knees since he is so little (and, let's face it, I've got really big feet.) Fillip looked up to a beaming face full of pride and chutzpah. Five minutes later, he looked up to the same expression behind a pair of sunglasses. Who says only girls play dress up?

Hayden is a Big kid now. He will tell you this any chance he gets. Nevermind that physically, he is also a tiny Munchkin. He wants to be a Big Eater, a Big Boy, and in no way Little. Logan is little, not Hayden. Hayden is big like Mommy and Daddy. Not a baby. Not a kid. Big. Got it? He is a very fun kid with so much personality. He was very good over Passover and had lots of fun visiting with various family groups and did a good job making Grandma kvell when he recited the Hebrew blessing over the wine. Such a little mensch. All signs of toddlerhood have disappeared and every day I am amazed at how swiftly that passed.

I Surrender

2007-03-23T13:44:00.000-07:00

After a week of feeling not quite well, I have declared myself Officially Sick, and am home for the day. Even yesterday, I had the perspective that I wasn't really sick, even though I could barely even speak. Well, after some serious coughing, some disturbing wheezing, and losing what was left of my voice I give up. I need to rest. Work will need to wait. (Well, sorta since my boss did call me this morning.) The housework will need to wait. (Except for getting the kitchen cleared a bit...and a load of laundry.) The kids will be fine with their usual Friday at my mother in law's house. I even declined to drive them over there this morning when Fillip woke late. Didn't even get out of bed. I am home getting my fix of the Food Network, and residing in my natural state of being unkempt and inert on the couch.

The white flag has been raised.

"The sum of all piles must equal the ceiling."

2007-03-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

Possibly my all time favorite quote by Fillip.

You would never guess I had a cleaning crew come to the house on Saturday. I had finally reduced the dirty laundry pile to less than one full basket and had the maid service fold all the clean clothes. They did and put it all in random baskets in the closet. They also hung up the designated shirts, then put them in the closet sideways, with every couple hangers facing a different direction. I have not been able to get to any of my clothes, and I couldn't just grab the pile and hang it up correctly. Last night I finally got to that, standing on the piles of clean laundry to hang stuff on the higher racks. Since I've had absolutely no time to spare, the dirty clothes have bred like rabbits, and is now approximately four feet high. I can't tell you how much I wish I were exaggerating here.

Circus time- Hayden's 3rd Birthday Party

2007-03-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

We didn't need a clown to make a circus. Hosting a party for 45 adults and 15-20 preschoolers is enough of a circus as it is.

Hayden seemed to really enjoy his birthday party. The first thing he asked when he woke up was if we could make his birthday cake. I said I had baked it last night, fearing he would be disappointed at not getting to help. Instead, he said "Oh thank you!" What a sweetheart. Because of our hectic week and complete lack spare time, the cake didn't get decorated until yesterday morning, but it was cute.

We kept things simple with hotdogs, macaroni and cheese, salad and fruit. Everything seemed to go over well, especially the fruit juice punch. The kids just piled into the back yard with activity reminiscent of a hive of bees. We had circus music playing and it was just fun to look out into the yard at all that fun. I think I heard calliope music in my dreams last night, as we had it playing for hours. Of course, as people were arriving I was just starting to inflate balloons, no makeup, and hadn't yet convinced the birthday boy to put on shoes. No worries, it all works out in the end, despite my elevated stress level. People are always happy to pitch in, and I think most people relate to that mad dash to party perfection. The only glitch was the delayed arrival of our clown. She was an hour late having mixed up when to switch her clock for Daylight Savings time. It threw our timing off and some people had to leave before we served cake, but like everything else worked out well. It was very cute to see all those little kids totally engrossed in the activities she was doing. Talk about a magic show!! Anyone who can happily engage 3 year olds for an hour must be casting some sort of spell. Hayden lost interest halfway through the "show," complaining his feet were hot and he needed shoes (duh! We had record breaking temps!) and seemed kind of out of it. I plied him and Logan with fruit punch suspecting they were getting dehydrated. Sure enough, they perked up in about 10 minutes. I mentioned it to the other parents since the kids don't think to stop playing to get a drink.

We didn't open presents until most people had left. Hayden doesn't associate birthdays with presents, and although he did pick out a couple toys to play with (like his new trainset from Grandma!) he was so tired that he was happy to play nearby while I opened his gifts. Poor Logan was just grateful to get to take a nap finally and slept for 2 1/2 hours! The kids all seemed to have a great time, and I know Hayden did. He graciously thanked people for coming and played nicely the whole afternoon. He crashed late for a nap, and was up until 11pm, but I'm so glad we gave him such a fun party.

As the hosts, we were madly rushing from one thing to the next and I almost feel like I missed the party. I kept trying to be mindful to stop and see how Hayden was enjoying things, or chat with one person or another, but something would pull me away in just a minute. It just seems like one of those days I didn't really get to experience, and need to attempt to be more "present" at future parties. Overall, everyone seemed happy, entertained and full. That spells birthday party success to me.

Happy birthday, Sweet Pea. After bringing cupcakes to your class, going to dinner with servers singing, having a cake the previous week at Grandma's house, and a big crazy party, I think your 3rd birthday has now been sufficiently celebrated!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Hayden!

2007-03-08T13:10:00.000-08:00

How do I accurately describe my sweet Hayden?

This is a rambunctious child. He is constantly in motion, constantly chattering, either laughing or crying. He is fairly easy to read as his body language and facial expression make it clear what mood is his experiencing. His emotions are intense and can change rapidly. Generally though, we can see it coming, and anticipate challenges.

Hayden is very popular with his classmates. He plays with different people each day, and when we arrive at birthday parties, everyone starts calling his name to come play with them. As social as he is, he tends to hang back in hectic situations, either waiting until he is comfortable until he jumps into the fray, or more commonly choosing to play in smaller groups or on his own. The prescribed Birthday Party Jumper is not his thing as he will only go in if he is alone or with about 2 other kids, bailing at the first sign of commotion. Strangely, he tends to create his own commotion. He is loud! He loves to sing, run, jump and we now frequently see neat "tricks" with amazed shouts of "Did you see that?!" In the car he asks for his Kindermusik songs and very politely to have it louder. I hear him picking up words and phrases from the people in his life whether they are sophisticated sayings such as "The fact of the matter is.." or a more casual "Guys! Let's all sit here!" He is experimenting with words and sounds making up his own gibberish and baby talk. He has a fabulous memory and can relay complicated situations to others or recite lengthy storybooks, sometimes inserting his own variations. He absolutely loves silliness of any kind. He is extremely ticklish all over and gives as good as he gets. People seem surprised that he is only turning 3 when they hear him speak. Of course, as his Mom, I would say he is a genius.. But it is true that his speech is very advanced and he is able to articulate things that many 3 year olds may not. Physically and verbally he is way ahead of the game. Emotionally I would say he is right on, with all the volatility that comes from a little boy transitioning from the dependency of toddlerhood to the independence of childhood.

At mealtimes, Hayden is generally very good. Sitting still in his seat is not his greatest skill, as there seems to be extra energy flowing from him. He doesn't want to go do something else, it is just so hard to sit in one place! He wiggles, he gets up and down, he turns around, he looks over and under the table. This is rewarded by giggles from his biggest fan, Logan. Hayden isn't a picky eater, but he is starting to decline things based on appearance. We have a rule that you must taste everything on the table and we usually don't have too much problem with that. If we put a bite on his fork and explain he only needs to take that one bite, he generally will and tell us he likes it. Then he will go back to wiggling and tending to distraction rather than the meal. Gum is the great motivator, a VERY rare treat used for very important stuff…like haircuts. He has fantastic manners always requesting things with "May I please have.." and thanking people. It is very charming to us and surprising to strangers when he is in a restaurants places his order.

Naptime at home or at Grandma's goes very well most of the time, with a very groggy boy emerging to report "I had a good nap." At school naps remain elusive and we have basically given up. He now gets to learn Spanish during naptime since his teachers have given up on naps as well. Bedtime has become a bit of a challenge. He loves his bath and ask each night "Are we baffing tonight?" Storytime now involves both boys and is so sweet with the three of us snuggled up in Hayden's big racecar bed. Hayden often recites his story to us, but is happy to listen as well. It's once the time comes to tuck him in that the black cloud comes over him and he challenges us. We've been working on a more peaceful goodnight, but unfortunately, he often challenges us until we leave the room, a sad way to end the day. This phase will pass, I'm sure.

Overall he is such a sweet boy. He is quick to give hugs and kisses, says "Sorry!" if he accidentally hurts someone, and will spontaneously give Logan hugs, kisses and include him in play. In a heartbeat he will be grabbing things from his brother, but that works both ways and we try to fairly referee them. He adores his family and is so excited when he gets to play with his cousins, especially Kennedy who is only 4 months older than him. They are so cute together these days "playing school."

Each day Hayden says things that amaze us. He as an ability to make connections that we just wouldn't expect. Because of that, we have treaded lightly in the last few days in trying to gauge his comprehension of losing his Nana, his great grandmother. I'm sure he fully understands the loss, but seems to have absorbed that something significant has happened and been on his very best behavior.

He is so excited about his birthday. When we have asked how old he is turning, the answer is always "Three in March!" We'll need to work on that, but I simply can't believe three years have flown by. My little boy is everything a mom could dream of and then some. He is absolutely beautiful inside and out. I suppose some day he will be too old for me to go in after he is sleeping, tuck in a little more snugly, and rest my face against that soft little cheek. For now I will continue since three years is not nearly enough time for me to accept the fact that he is growing up.

Happy Birthday my Sweet Pea.

Overwhelmed

2007-03-02T08:44:00.000-08:00

I am feeling rather overwhelmed. No, this isn't unusual, but I'm hoping by writing it down, I can wrap my mind around it. There are the usual things- making sure I take care of my family, do my job well, keep in touch with my friends, and find some time for me.

In addition, we have the added stress of Fillip's grandmother being gravely ill. This could be a whole other post, but I'll just simply say that although her situation is not demanding of our time right now, it is emotionally draining. Being that she isn't expected to make it through the weekend, next week promises to be busy with a funeral and nightly shiva services. In the meantime, we feel like we are emotionally "on call," ready to run to various family homes if necessary, with alternate plans for the kids at all times.

Thursday also happens to be Hayden's birthday, which we will want to ensure is a special day for him. I'll want to bring a treat to his class, requiring more time away from the office. Next Sunday is Hayden's party at our house. We really need to get the house in order as being uber-busy, that is usually at the bottom of our priority list, if it even makes it on the list. Sometimes, we are just too freakin' busy to care. So, we decided to hire someone to clean the place, except it takes time to interview and hire people, and with so little time, it might just be more prudent to clean it ourselves, or at least stash away the extraneous junk so nobody sees it unless they open a closet they shouldn't. Then we can shift the focus to their lack of consideration in poking around in our closets, rather than the fact that we live like slobs. Over the weekend, we also need to shop for the party, meaning we really need to nail down what we need. The day before the party we will need to set everything up, get the food, make and decorate the cake (which, anyone who knows me will tell you is no small task), and somewhere in there get a little bit of sleep. All this in the next seven days.

You'd think if I could get through this week, it would be free sailing for awhile, but that's not actually the case. Sometime "soon" I am supposed to be taking on a new position here at work. It promises to be very challenging, time consuming, and hopefully lucrative. It will require me to be nearly perfect in execution, and learn things that currently seem alien to my non-financial brain.

The first half of this year is jam packed with events, and there are still things I think we will need to pass on,like a weekend trip to the mountains. Fillip is talking about another motorhome trip in June, but fortunately, he will do the majority of planning for that adventure. As of now I am either planning, or helping organize the following things:

April 1- girlfriend's bridal shower
April 3- hosting Passover seder
April 27-29- girlfriend's bachelorette party
May 11- girlfriend's rehearsal dinner
May 12- girlfriend's wedding- she planned it, I'm in it
May 12- Revlon Run/Walk for Women- I'm team captain for my office again this year
May 20- niece's bridal shower
June 2?- niece's bachelorette party
June 7-10- group camping trip
June 22- niece's rehearsal dinner
June 24- niece's wedding- again- she did the planning, I'm the Matron (cringe) of Honor

There- that's a manageable list, right?

Who would have thought this would be so hard?

2007-02-22T13:26:00.000-08:00

I mean, we've made much harder decisions. We chose a preschool with very little time, with endless self imposed pressure to make sure it was the perfect place to leave what is most precious to us. We've made decisions about what they eat, how to discipline them (which clearly isn't working, but that's another post), and each day shape their lives with the endless decisions we are making for them. But this...this had me at a bit of a loss.

After all, how do I know I am getting The Right Clown? What qualifications should I look for? I assume it's not like hiring a contractor who needs to be licensed and bonded. Will they play the right games? What if Hayden is afraid of clowns? These are the thoughts that plague me through the night. After all, how can I be sure that the water coming out of the funny boutonniere is non-toxic? I called a couple agencies, but for some reason nothing felt comfortable to me. They assured me that "whatever clown" they sent would be great, but shouldn't I know exactly who is coming to my home? Shouldn't I already know what person will be interacting with my 3-year old son and his friends, whose parents are trusting that I will not expose their children to some degenerate?

Today I found The One. She looks great. Her website shows pictures of her with the kids, lists her experience, references and even her resume. She is also a preschool teacher with Child Development units. I quickly emailed her and she quickly responded, even mentioning that she is a "pretty clown" not a scary clown. Ding! We have a winner! She called me just a short while later, sounding very personable and friendly. One thing we talked about was price and I mentioned that her price is perfectly competitive with the other companies I contacted. She said she used to work for agencies like that and that the person doing the performance gets a small fraction of that amount. She also said that they may describe one person and send another, that they even asked her to use another name on occasion! Now, some of this is self-promotion, but I do like the idea of having personally spoken to and arranged things with the person who is coming to our home. She spoke about being able to keep the kids' attention for an hour, and that she knows how to speak with them, making even the shy ones comfortable.

Hmmm...maybe I should go to clown school.

Peas in a (i)Pod

2007-02-20T11:08:00.000-08:00

As a Completely Non-technical person, I am enamored with my iPod. It now goes everywhere with me- car, gym, and even on a long walk yesterday. It has become my trusty companion, creating a soundtrack to many parts of my day. When the kids are restless in the car, I can put on that magical Kindermusik, which has the amazing ability to calm them when I can't. Really, I don't know what subliminal messages are being broadcast over those selections of Wishy Washy and Ring Around the Roses, but they settle into their carseats with a happy, dazed expression without fail.

At the gym, I hit on quite the random selection of music. Being Completely Non-technical, I find setting up Playlists to be a challenge, not quite worth my time. Instead, I have the iPod randomly play through the music library Fillip was kind enough to load for me. Last week I had a really great workout and found myself reflecting on the odd assortment of music that got me through it. We warmed up to Natalie Merchant, pumped a few machines to Papa Roach, hit the treadmill for some cardio to Rossini's overture to Semiramide, then cooled down to Don McLean's Bye Bye Miss American Pie. Not exactly what most people would consider a cohesive group of songs, but frankly, it was the best hour of music I had listened to in a long time.

Yesterday my new pal (by that I mean my iPod) joined me for a long walk around my neighborhood. As we bopped along, I was in my own little world. Diana Ross and the Supremes' Love Child, Oingo Boingo's Out of Control, a bit of Fillip's classic rock thrown in here and there. It was great. I was outside, enjoying the fresh air, and the feeling of really moving along. Then I walked by someone else with earphones in. I smiled and nodded as we passed, but he didn't give me even a glimmer of acknowledgement. Suddenly, I found that despite being on a public street with hundreds of cars going by, I was completely and utterly isolated. My great music brought me a wonderful momentum, but I felt completely removed from everything around me. While at the gym, this is a good thing as I don't like particularly like the feeling of being a hamster on a wheel, but being out on a beautiful day, it seems like I should feel a bit of connection with my community, or at least get a friendly nod from the strangers I am walking past. As I entered the alley behind my house I turned off the music to let the world back in. There were birds chirping, dogs barking, and a refreshing sense of experiencing my day once again.

Although I love my little blue iPod, I need to be mindful not to shut the world out completely, just now and then.

Quote of the Day

2007-02-20T11:00:00.000-08:00

Picture two rambunctious boys in the bath, the little one with water dripping off his face, a little bit of a stunned look, and me sitting next to the tub with one side of me soaked from the torrent of bathwater that just came my way.

"Hayden, no cannon balls in the tub!!"

This rates right up there with other brilliant parenting moments like
"No more lima beans until you eat your chicken!"

Logan- 17 months

2007-02-07T15:33:00.000-08:00

At 17 months, Logan is quite a character. He is such a funny, busy, sweet little guy. Those blue eyes will melt you in a heartbeat, but can also be very piercing as he deems necessary. He gives the sweetest kisses with those full lips, always accompanied by a crisp "mmmmMwuh!" He is trying to do things for himself, helping us dress and undress him. He tried to put on his shoes and socks, which he provides ample opportunity for given that he still takes off his right shoe and sock ALL THE TIME. Not the left one. The right one.

He is constantly on the go, moving, pointing, jabbering away. He likes to direct us and point out whatever has caught his interest. He likes to play with trucks and planes making driving noises as he pushes them along. He always notices planes or helicopters in the sky, no matter how high they may be. He seems to hear them first and lets us know to look up as he excitedly points and shouts. Because he sees buses and trains all day at school, he is fascinated by those as well. Last week he kept telling us something on the way home. We were trying to guess, but obviously not getting it until Hayden lost patience with our lack of understanding and said "He is saying choo choo!" Sure enough. All we heard was "shoo choo" which we were guessing meant "shoe." No, that would be "shooosh!" Big difference. We have also heard "obah dayah" (over there), "ahwandat" (I want that), and a few other words and phrases. He calls Hayden "buvvah" or "Daydah" which Hayden loves. Hayden will tell anyone who listens "I'm Daydah!" Data? "No, Daydah! I'm Logan's Daydah." They always get their vitamins since they know to ask. Logan runs over and points up to the shelf yelling to let me know it is time. Twice a day he gets his nebulizer treatments and most of the time will sit sweetly in our lap.

Whatever Hayden has, Logan wants. He is none too gentle about getting it either. As they play we constantly need to referee as someone is always screaming and yelling, pushing, hitting, grabbing, etc.. But when they do play nicely, they are so very sweet. Logan is definitely learning about routines and establishing them himself. I call the kids' feet Stinky Stinky feet. At bathtime, Logan insists on getting his feet washed first, proffering a tiny, wet little foot barely sticking up out of the water and bubbles. As I wash Hayden's Stinky Stinky Feet that tiny foot will be offered again and again with a little grin. For the last two nights he has sat through the entire reading of Goodnight Moon, then had to read it himself. He turns each page, waves and says "night night!" It is so sweet to sit there reading with the two of them. At bedtime Logan needs to turn on his radio, his humidifier and turn off the light. When he gets up, he needs to do the opposite. Lord help us if we skip a step!

He is such a sweetie, offering lots of kisses with an easy giggle. His eyes are always alight with mischief, and he will take any opportunity to be chased around. If he can reach me, he will reach under my shirt to tickle me saying "Beh baw!" (belly button!) He started this on his own one day as I reached over his carset to Hayden. They giggle hysterically over that every time. So do I. Logan absolutely loves music. Hayden has been talking about the Move It Move It song from Madagascar for awhile now. They play it at school. When I went to pick Logan up recently, that song came on. Ten toddlers stopped in their tracks and started bouncing their heads, then moving those little bodies to the beat. It was like Muppet Babies got mixed with A Night at the Roxbury. Too funny.

With all that silly charm oozing off of him, he does have quite a temper. He wants what he wants when he wants it! It's not uncommon for him to throw himself down on the floor in a temper, and for us to simply walk away. Obviously, we don't see eye to eye on this, and sometimes he has to just give us his blood curdling shriek until we are ready to do whatever he is waiting for. He shrieks when he is mad, sad, and happy. This is a phase we will not miss!

At nearly one and a half, he is on the cusp of full blown toddler independence, yet still so very baby. As much fun as it is to see him do new things, I am desperately holding onto the last vestiges of his babyhood. I kiss those soft cheeks and neck any chance I get. It will pass all too soon.

Cough on a Stick

2007-02-03T22:29:00.000-08:00

This morning I had my usual weekend wakeup to the sound of Hayden thumping the porcelain seat of the toilet up. As usual, I stumbled down the hall to make sure he didn't need any "rear maintenance" and found a wimpering hot boy on the floor. He was able to rasp out that is throat hurt and seemed genuinely upset by the fact that he couldn't talk. I gave him some Tylenol, cold water and honey, then tucked him back into bed saying we would go see the doctor later. I told Fillip I suspected Hayden had strep throat. Sure enough. The culture came back positive immediately. (They do a strep test right there in the office, and the ped compared it to a home pregnancy test.) Hayden was so very pitiful all day long. He just laid around not wanting anything but an occasional drink. This is a very spirited child, so as sweet as it is to have him snuggle up to me at the docs office, it just wasn't the usual Hayden. I know he will feel better tomorrow once the antibiotics have a chance to work, which is why I am a little glad that it is strep, rather than some virus that just needs to run its course. This is a concrete and easily treatable diagnosis.

Tomorrow, I hope and expect he will be significantly back to his usual self. I look forward to seeing more smiles and spirit from him. Today there were very few smiles and the only giggle was prompted by Logan. Logan had a little bit of a runny nose and as they were sitting together, Logan managed to blow a big ol' snot bubble out one nostril. Well, even a toddler suffering from a nasty case of strep throat can't help but laugh hysterically at that!

What I really feel bad about is that I really enjoyed caring for him today. He was so sweet and cuddly, and easy going about everything. He was content to lie on my bed and look at books while I folded laundry, went down for a 2+ hour nap when I asked him to, and didn't once fight back when Logan assaulted him in various ways. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't want him to be sick, don't want him to suffer in any way and truly feel bad for him since I know how awful it is to have strep throat. But, since he was sick, it was so nice to get to mother him and care for him all day long, rather than coral, cajole and often discipline. It felt like I got to spend so much more time truly showing him how very much I love him, to let him know that I was doing everything I could to keep him comfortable. All day I would reassure him that I understood his misery, that it would be better soon. I enjoyed that. I feel like I am a little warped for that enjoyment, but it was actually a strangely satisfying day.

I Like My Car, but Not Enough to Make it a Fun Afternoon

2007-02-02T22:25:00.000-08:00

Four hours. That is how long it took me to get home today. Four hours. Four hours on the road and I wasn't even close to Vegas!

A crane fell over on the freeway, which they had to close down for most of the afternoon. Not just any freeway- the 405 Freeway at the 101. At the "busiest interchange in the world" as one news reporter was kind enough to say in his report. Imagine, how many people drive through that interchange and now had no way to get to where they were going! This caused traffic all over the west side. When I left work I had no idea this was going on. When I noticed traffic getting heavy as I headed north and heard helicopters, I just figured there was an accident ahead and turned to take an alternate route. What I didn't realize was that there were no alternate routes. You simply could not get north from the west side. So, I thought if I could head far enough east, I could then go north and come around the other side of the Valley. No dice. Hardly a unique idea. Two hours into my drive (and only 3 miles from my office) I realized I had to use a restroom. Half an hour later (and only a few blocks) I stopped at a grocery store and felt much better. I kept thinking that maybe I would be better off to call and see if any of my coworkers wanted to go get a drink and wait it out. After all, in a couple hours it would likely be much better. However, if I stayed in the city for dinner, there was no way I would see my munchkins before bed. That was just not acceptable. So, I stuck it out.

People kept calling me to check my progress, offer sympathy and keep me company. The thing was, I wasn't upset. Frustrated and disappointed to lose time with my family, absolutely. But not upset. I just couldn't help thinking that as much as people were saying that I was unfortunate, that I was having a bad day, I really wasn't. Tens of thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands of people were sitting there just like me. The crane operator who fell with the crane, now there is a person who had a bad day! I was fine. By the time I arrived at my inlaws for dinner I was very tired, and very glad to be out of the car, but also so happy that we really are fine.

Today's tally

2007-01-25T15:35:00.000-08:00

Activity Points earned
+500 pts -Getting my sorry ass out of bed at 5:00am (well, 5:20am)

+200pts -Having bag packed last night with work clothes and towel for gym

+5000 pts -Working out at the gym before work despite thoughts running through my head reminding me how much I dislike exercising

-500,000 -Ordering a breakfast burrito on my way in to work with eggs, bacon, hash browns, cheese and sour cream, and eating the entire thing

-5000,000 -Complete lack of self discipline in lunch and ordering the same fast food Chinese as my boss....and eating the entire thing

Not exactly the score I was aiming for.

Just call me Sally

2007-01-23T08:12:00.000-08:00

My kids are tiny little guys, but what they lack in physical size, they more than make up for in personality and attitude. Once they team up on us, all hope of order and control is lost.

Hayden has been rolling his eyes at me like an embarrassed teenager for over a year now. He knows how to play on my emotions and can switch from charming to exasperating in a heartbeat. In general, he has a good heart, and a truly sweet disposition. One game he likes to play with me is at bedtime. I'll get him tucked in all cozy-warm and he'll say in the sweetest voice, "Mommy, come lay down with me. Come snuggle." Well, I certainly can't resist that invitation from my normally active and squirmy boy. I eagerly lay down on his bed, snuggle up to him and lay my face right next to his. Just as I settle in for a few minutes of gazing into my son's beautiful eyes he'll invariably say "Mommy, go out. Go lay down on your own bed." I swear, I'm like Charlie Brown and the football- every time.

Logan is not exempt from all the attitude. He is such a tease. He likes to give kisses, and you can hear them coming. He'll start across the room all puckered up going "mmmmmmm..." as he approaches to give you a big wet smacker. He'll get right up to you and then turn that little face away with a giggle at the last second. Denied! Over the weekend he picked up a new word, most likely from his big brother. Not just simple word, but a word filled with all the attitude someone only knee high can muster. He puts his hands on his hips, bends forward at the waist, stares us down with those big blue eyes and says emphatically "Nnnnnnno, Mama!" The first time I was so surprised I asked him "Did you just tell me no?" He got this look that seemed to wonder if I thought it was adorably cute, or if he was in big trouble. The truth is, I honestly didn't know.

Hayden at 34 months old

2007-01-17T12:01:00.000-08:00

Hayden is growing up so quickly!! Although he is a munchkin in size, he is a force to be reckoned with. I hear him saying such big kid things and see that there is little left of the baby in him. It's like the last three years have been on fast forward.

Hayden is so verbal. He makes brings different ideas into conversation and remembers the most minute details of things that we forgot had even been mentioned. When he talks to other people and gives them details about our cars or various topics, they will look askance at us to see if what he is saying is true. It generally is very true and accurate. He makes connections between things that we love to hear. He was playing with a toy that asked how old he is and he said two and a half. Fillip said "You are almost three!" Hayden told the toy "Yes, I am almost three. I will be three in March." He is quite the parrot, and we have to really watch our language these days. We have improved greatly, but not everyone around us has. The other day, out of the blue, we hear from the back seat of the car "Fucking is a bad word. We aren't supposed to say fucking." Yes, Hayden you are right about that.

He seems to need to establish boundaries and rules, often quoting the rules back at someone. "Grandpa, don't chew ice. It's bad for your teeth." "Logan, you can't play with this. You are too little and could choke on the pieces." These days he is obsessed with being the Line Leader. I'm not sure how the Line Leader is chosen at school, but it is clearly a great status symbol when you are nearly three years old. He tells us he is the Line Leader if he gets to the sink first to brush his teeth, if we are the first people at a traffic light, when it is just he and Logan playing around the house, etc… Of course, Logan will follow whatever Hayden is doing and is happy to let his brother lead the way. A new thing Hayden says is "I already did!" As in washing his hands, drinking his milk, picking up his toys. Whatever it is we are asking him to do, he says he already did, even when it is blatantly obvious that he didn't. He hasn't quite caught on that if the sink is dry, we know he didn't wash his hands.

He is pretty good about sharing with Logan, although doesn't hesitate to grab something out of his brother's hand or push him over. The second I leave the room one of them is crying as the other takes something, hits, pushes, or otherwise offends. The other day I told them to work it out themselves since I felt it was a ploy to grab my attention back, again and again. Surprisingly, once they realized I wasn't rushing to the scene of the crime to mediate, they got along much better. No gratification in crying when nobody is listening, I guess. Whenever Hayden has a treat he offers some to Logan. When Logan wants a turn with something, Hayden quickly finishes his turn to hand it over. Of course, he expects the item back quickly, or any item someone is playing with. The second Logan has something Hayden is complaining "Logan isn't giving me a turn!" We are working on the concept that just because Logan has something, doesn't mean it immediately needs to be handed over, and vice versa. Overall though, they are quite a team.

After Logan came home from the hospital, we saw a backlash from Hayden. He was being extremely stubborn, argumentative and difficult. Clearly, he was feeling pushed aside in the whole situation and after a few days of encouragement, reminders that the "normal Hayden is a really good boy," and more than a few timeouts, he is back on track.

Hayden has always been a good eater, but these days I wouldn't say he is great about it. He isn't picky at all, just distracted. He is too busy talking and looking around to focus on finishing his meal. He can have the same bite in his mouth for 5 minutes while he does other things. He wants to sit in a regular chair like a big boy, but twists and turns, gets up and down, and overall drives us nuts without his booster seat. Sometimes the stepstool is a better solution, but sometimes we just put him in the booster. He doesn't protest much when I say he seems uncomfortable in the regular chair and this would be better. He loves to get a treat and asks for gum all the time. He rarely gets it since that invites a couple more issues like Logan protesting that he didn't get any ('cuz he doesn't have teeth!), gum getting put in various places it doesn't belong, and getting him to spit it out when it is time to eat, go to bed, etc.. At school he doesn't take his naps, which is usually the only negative feedback we get from his teachers. However, he really needs a nap and sleeps for a couple hours each day he isn't in school. We aren't sure why getting him to nap is no problem at home or Grandma's house, but doesn't happen at school.

Bedtime is my favorite part of the evening- not because I don't want to spend time with him, but because we have a pretty good routine and things go smoothly. He loves to snuggle up with me to read a story, which is so sweet. He often "reads" to me as he knows some of his books by heart, or at least the basic gist of the story and can tell me the story in his own words. He recognizes all the letters by sight and knows one or more words that start with each letter. He knows the days of the week, is starting to grasp months, can count to 20 and has learned all the basic rules and routines of his classroom.

Always an active child, he loves to ride his bikes and trucks, speeding around the patio or the playground at school. His imagination is kicking in and he will sit on the couch by himself or with Logan and pretend they are on a train, or in a truck, or in the kitchen whipping up dinner. Even Logan gets into it, stirring a spoon in a bowl and "pouring" things in. Hayden will put on his two backpacks (yes, both at once), grab a bag and a water bottle and tell me he is leaving. He keeps expressing his independence by saying he will drive the car, walk to school, make his own dinner, do his own laundry, etc… We don't let him play with the car keys for fear he really will try! He has been fully potty trained, day and night, for awhile now and almost always dresses himself. He is good about cleaning up when we ask him to, and especially good about cleaning up when it means stalling on going to bed.

This boy gets more handsome each and every day, and is truly a sweet soul. He is so friendly and outgoing that I see people respond to him wherever we are. He loves to giggle and wrestle with us, but is quick to give hugs and kisses as well. I'm amazed at how quickly he has turned into a little boy from my little baby, but so proud of the person he is becoming.

Like that's a real original start to the New Year

2007-01-12T11:58:00.000-08:00

While on vacation I joined a gym. Now, normally, I am not a gym person. I recognize that I simply don't like exercise for the sake of exercise, and without any direction at all, I am completely intimidated by all the machines. Overriding all that however, is the fact that I don't like the way I look or feel. My body has been worked over by pregnancy, and needs a makeover to finally get back to where I was a few years ago. I checked out the local YMCA and another chain gym. The YMCA looked fine and the price was good, but the personal trainer who showed me around was so bitter and cynical that I had no desire to do anything except go get a cheeseburger and milkshake for the sheer futility of it all. My friend suggested checking out her gym. The price was actually better, it is a much nicer facility, and everyone was very upbeat and encouraging. So, I bit the bullet and signed up, earning a year of obligating myself to get my flabby butt there several times a week and a free t-shirt.

So far, so good. I went to work out the first evening, and was fairly proud of how I did. After 15 minutes of hell on the elliptical machine I braved the floor of workout machines. While suffering on the elliptical I was watching people very closely. Although I was probably creeping them out, I was only trying to see how the machines work so I wouldn't look like a complete idiot when I went over there. A couple of them looked fairly straight forward, so I gave it a shot. Fortunately(?), I am so out of shape that it only took a few reps on a couple arm machines to wear out those muscles, making it impossible to attempt figuring out another exercise out anyway. I also had the brilliant idea to make my way to the free weight room. After all, I know how to focus on specific muscles, so why use some fancy contraption to do that? Good old fashioned free weights are fine, right? I walked in and picked up the dusty 5 pound weights, feeling even more stupid doing reps with those, among people lifting hundreds of pounds. After about 10 minutes, I retreated to the treadmills. Walking. Just my speed. Familiar, easy to use. Up and down arrows to control the pace, and a nifty little fan to cool me off. In all, I sweated it out for about 45 minutes, and went home feeling as proud as if I had run a marathon.

Last week I went to a yoga class. Years ago I worked for a firm that had a private instructor in our private gym once a week. It was wonderful. The last time I did yoga was in her class when I was about 6 months pregnant with Hayden. Over 3 years later, it was quite a challenge! I did like the instructor we had last night and felt my body intuitively adjusting my poses as my previous instructor had taught me. This was definitely more my style. Although my yoga session involved much arm shaking, sweating, and some mental pep talks, I felt much more in my element. I like to exercise with direction, with an instructor setting the pace, and feeling confident and competent in what I am doing. I will continue learning those new fangled resistance machines, but feel more motivated knowing I can "treat" myself to the yoga classes as well.

Yesterday I hit the gym while my MIL watched the boys. Again, I was the Treadmill Stalker, learning how each machine worked by observing the other people there. I carefully chose who to watch knowing most of those people are already in much better shape than me. For some reason, about half the people there yesterday were senior citizens. I figure if a lady who looks to be about 80 years old can do a certain machine, so can I. I think I overestimated myself. Today my legs are killing me as if I spent the day rounding up cattle, but that is a good thing. Each time I go I feel a bit more confident, which motivates me more. I can totally do this.